Thoughts about Hugs

对拥抱的想法

在我的记忆力，当我跟我寄养家庭生活的时候，我的寄养父母从来都没有抱过我。那时候我也很讨厌拥抱。我觉得拥抱是那种男女朋友的东西。当时我就想：拥抱真恶心，我从来都不会给别人拥抱的。

当我来到了福利院然后去了学校。我还是不怎么喜欢拥抱，但是我也那么讨厌拥抱。有些大人很喜欢摸我，但是不我喜欢他们摸我。为什么他们非摸我，不摸别人？我这人又不那么的可爱或吸引人。

到了四年级我有了我中国最喜欢的老师之后，我一直想给她一个拥抱。但是，我从来都没有看过其他学生抱过他们的老师，所以我觉得这可能会违反了学校的规则。当时我也害怕我中国最喜欢的郑老师会骂我如果我跑过去抱他的话。说不定她会觉得我有神经病。况且，她那时候没有抱过我，所以我哪知道如果她喜不喜欢抱我。我觉得她会生气我的。

说到了生气，有一次我摸了一个同学因为我很喜欢她。之后她就告诉她姥姥我抓了她，然后她姥姥骂了我。当时我就不高兴，我只是摸了她而已。但是，那时候我也没说什么，因为我觉得可能是我的指甲太长了吧。从那以后我是不会抱别人的除非他们先抱我的或他们问我的因为我不想他们不高兴。

到了美国的时候，我觉得他们是超爱拥抱。我一点儿不喜欢。不过后来我已经适应了。现在如果别人问我拥抱的话，我一般都会说好的。有一个倒是没有改变：我是不会跟男生拥抱的，除非是我的家庭。

In my memory, when I lived in my foster home, my foster parents never hugged me. At that time I really hated hugs. I thought hugs are for between boyfriends and girlfriends. That time I thought: Hugs. Yucky. I would never hug other people.

When I came to the orphanage and then went to school, I still didn’t like hugs, but I didn’t hate hugs either. Some adults liked to touch me very much. However, I didn’t liked that they touched me. Why they touch me, not others? I wasn’t really a cute or attractive person.

When I had my Chinese favorite teacher in fourth grade, I always wanted to give her a hug. However, I never saw other students hug their teachers, so I thought that it was against school rules. At that time I was scared my favorite teacher, Mrs. Zheng, would scold me if I ran to hug her. Maybe she would think I’m crazy. In fact, at that time she didn’t hugged me before, so how was I supposed to know if she liked me to hug her or not. I thought she would be mad at me.

Talking about getting mad at other people, one time I touched one student because I liked her very much. Then she told her grandma that I scratched her, and her grandma scolded me. At the time I was unhappy, I just touched her. However, I didn’t say anything, because I thought maybe because my nails were too long it felt like a scratch. From there I never hugged people unless they first hugged me or they asked me because I don’t want them to be mad.

When I came to America, I thought I love to hug people, but I didn’t liked it. However, later I became use to it. Now if somebody asks me to hug them, I usually will say yes. There’s one thing that didn’t change, I would not gave boy a hug, unless he is my family.