Things That Shoudn't be Done to Orphans and Newly Adopted Kids

不应该对孤儿和有新家的孩子做的事儿

不应该对孤儿做的事儿：

1. “叫我妈妈”或“叫她妈妈”
有一次在新年的时候，我们孩子们给阿姨和福利院办公室的阿姨表演节目。我们那时候有两个院长，一男一女。那个男的院长是新的。我那时候觉得院长叔叔好像要接替院长阿姨，但我也不太清楚。我们区长李阿姨告诉我们一会等院长阿姨和院长叔叔来的时候，我们孩子们得跟他们说：“院长妈妈新年好，院长爸爸新年好！” 我那时候没听。我反而叫他们阿姨和叔叔。他们又不是我的爸爸妈妈，我为什么要叫他们爸爸妈妈？而且他们又不跟我说话，说不定他们还不认识我呢！真正的爸爸妈妈是跟你说话的也认识你的，他们会每天看你问你好。我就是觉得阿姨们根本就没有权利随随便便告诉孤儿们叫别人爸爸妈妈。阿姨们应该让孤儿自己来做主。我在福利院四年只管两个阿姨叫过妈妈。这两个阿姨我都很喜欢。一个阿姨叫我叫她的，另一个阿姨是我问她的。现在我不叫她们妈妈了因为我有了美国“真正”妈妈，况且自从我离开了我寄养家庭之后，让我叫别人妈妈倒是挺有点变扭的。

2. “你应该怪你的父母把你跟扔了，他们那么狠！”
我觉得很少的孤儿在中国知道他们的父母放弃他们的原因。是的，他们有原因生他们亲生父母的气。但是，大人的任务应该是教孩子们怎么原谅他们的亲生父母。鼓励孩子们试着想想他们亲生父母选择的原因，然后长大后试着停止父母抛弃孩子。我觉得我亲生父母抛弃我的原因是因为我有残疾。他们觉得医生得治我，不然我就没有好生活，但他们没钱。我是气他们没有残疾人能做什么事儿的信心。但是现在也是时间让我自己原谅他们。我长大会给全世界看不管你有多残疾，只要你信心，只要你努力去做而且不放弃，那你做任何你想做的事儿，只是我们做的方法跟你们不一样而已。以后我会写一个关于残疾人的事儿。

3. “怪不得你爸妈扔了你”
有时候当孤儿做了让阿姨们或其他人生气的事儿，他们就会骂他们。有的时候大人就会用这句话骂他们。这件事儿从来都没有发生在我身上。但是，孤儿一般都是在他们小婴儿的时候被抛弃的。小婴儿能做什么严重的事儿让他们值得被抛弃？一件事儿都没有！孤儿跟其他人一样，只是他们的父母放弃了他们。而且根本就不是他们的错！

不应该对最近被收养的孩子做的事儿：

1. “你可真幸运呀！”
我不知道为什么别人会对最近被收养的孩子说这个。或许他们的意思是对于孤儿来说，被收养比一生都要当孤儿要好。这个想法我倒是同意。但或许你们不知道，让孩子们放弃一切东西去跟一个陌生人生活是很难的事情。如果加上他们陌生人说不同的语言就跟难了！这是叫幸运吗？孤儿一开始就不幸运。每个孩子一开始都应该有一个美好的家的。孤儿被收养是叫她们的生活可能会更好一些，根本就不是幸运。如果你们再这样说的话，那我想让你们回答一个问题：你愿意跟他们换生活吗？

2. “你为什么不爱你家人呀？”
a. 你会立马爱你上第一次见过的大人吗？如果你的答案是是的话，那在你要放弃你的一切的时候去跟一个陌生家庭生活，你会立马爱上他们吗？如果她们说不同的语言，你会立马爱上他们吗？你的答案还是是吗？如果不是的话，那请你们就不要问一个刚有新家的孩子这个问题。新家的时间对有些孤儿是短的，有些孤儿是长的。我的意思就是有些孩子融入家庭是挺快的。有些孩子融入家庭是挺慢的。你要给他们时间。所以如果你没有看到他们给他们的父母表现得他们的爱，那请不要问这个问题。当然，有时如果你问他们为什么没有想过他们的家人或是相同的问题，那请你也不要问。当别人问我这些问题的时候，我感到不舒服，我觉得我不是好人因为我不爱我新家人。我想问有新家的孩子这些问题的人应该不是会想给他们这样的感受吧。你可以试试告诉有新家的孩子他们的父母有多爱他们，但也不要太多。这样会让他们觉得很内疚。

b. 有时候父母会在他们第一收养的孩子融入家庭的时候再收养孩子。一般在父母收养很多孩子的时候，孩子们以前不知道对方。而且一般的时候收养哪个孩子不是那个已经被收养孩子的选择，所以第一个孩子不一定会立马爱上那个要走进他家庭的孩子。在这种情况，你也不能问这个问题。

我想让你们读完的时候分享给别人，尤其是让有新家的孩子烦的事儿。这两件事儿有时候对孤儿来说是很大的压力。如果他们不没压力的话，那说不定他们会融入家庭融入得更快。

Things That Irritate Orphans:

1. "Call me mom" or "Call her mom"
In 2012 during the Lunar New Year, we the kids performed show to the nannies and the orphanage office staff. At that time we have two orphanage directors, a man and a women. The man director was new. I believed that the women director was going to be replaced by the man director, but I am not sure. Our supervisor Nanny Li told us when the orphanage directors come in, we the kids need to say, "Happy New Year director mom, Happy New Year director dad!" I didn't listen. I called them aunt and uncle instead, which in China, is the same thing as ma'am and sir in America. They weren't my mom and dad, why should I call them mom and dad? Beside they never talked to me, maybe they don't even know me! Real mom and dad talked to you and know you, they will see you everyday and ask how are you doing. I just think that the nannies don't have any right to just tell orphans to call other people mom and dad. The nannies should let the orphans decides. I lived in the orphanage four years and I only call two nannies mom. I like both of them a lot. One of the told me to call her mom, I ask the other nanny to call her mom. Now I didn't call them mom anymore because I have "real" America mom, beside ever since I left my foster family, call other people mom was just awkward to me.

2. "You should blame your parents for they abandon you, what a cruel person they are!"
I think very few orphans in China know the reasons that their parents abandon them. Yes, they have the right to be mad at their biological parents. However, adult's job should be to teach the kids how to forgive their biological parents. Encourage them to try to think the reasons that their parents abandoned them, and later try to stop parents to abandon children when they grow up. I think the reason that my biological parents abandon me is that I have a disability. They thought that I have to be fixed by doctors, or I won't have a good life, but they didn't have money. I am mad that they don't have confidence that people with disability can do stuff. Now is the time for me to forgive them. When I grow up, I will show the whole world that no matter how disable you are, if you have confidence, if you work hard and not give up, then you can do anything you want to do. Is just that the way that we do stuff might be different than yours. Later I will write a post about people with disability.

3. "No wonder that you parents abandon you."
Sometimes when the orphans did something that made the nannies or other people mad, they will scold them. Sometimes the adults will use this sentence to scold them. This had never happen to me. However, orphans usually are being abandoned when they are infants. What big mistake can an infant do to deserve to be abandoned? Not a single thing! Orphans are same as everybody else, only their parents abandon them. And is just not their fault!

Things That Shouldn't be Done to Newly Adopted Kids:

1. "You are so lucky!"
I don't know why people would say that to a newly adopted kid. Maybe they mean that for orphans, it's better for them to be adopted than to be an orphan all life long. I agree with that. However, maybe you guys don't know that tell the kids to give up all the things and to live with strangers is very hard. It will be harder if the parents speak a different language! Is that called lucky? Orphans aren't lucky to begin with. Every kid should start with a love family. Orphans being adopted are called that their life might be better, but totally not lucky. If you continue to say this, then I want you to answer me a question: Would you trade life with them?

2. "Why you don't love your family?"
a. Will you fall in love immediately with an adult that you just met? If the answer is yes, then would you love the stranger family immediately when you have to give up all everything to live with them? If they speak different language, would you love them immediately? Is your answer still yes? If is not, then please don't ask that question to a newly adopted kids. A period of new family to some orphans are short, to some are long. What I mean is that some kids get use to the family fast. Some kids get use to the family slow. You have to give them time. So if you didn't see them show their love to their parents, then please don't ask that question. Of course, if sometimes you ask them why they never miss or think about their family or similar question, then don't ask that either. When people ask me this question, I felt uncomfortable; I thought I wasn't a good person because I don't love my new family. I think the people who ask newly adopted kids these questions doesn't want them to feel that way, right? You can try to tell the newly adopted kids how much their parents love them, but not too much. Because then it was made them feel guilty.

b. Sometime parents will adopted another kid during their first adopted kid's adjustment to the family. Usually when parents adopted many kids, the kids didn't know each other before they got adopted. Beside usually it's not the kid who got adopted to choose whom should they adopted. So the adopted kids might not fell in love with the kid who is going to enter his/her family. In this situation, you can't ask those questions that I talked about either.

I want you guys to share to other people when you finished read this, especially about things that shouldn't be done to the newly adopted kids. These two things sometimes are pressure to them. If they don't have that pressure, then maybe they will get use to the family quicker.

Thought about Family as an Orphan

孤儿对家庭的想法

读者们好！我好长时间没有在我的博客写东西了。我的学校生活很忙而且这几个月我也不知道我应该在我的博客上写什么。现在我想了想：我想写作为一个孤儿，我对家庭是有什么样的想法。这是一个很难的过程而且大多数我是孤儿的时候我也不知道我是怎么想的。

我从小是跟一个寄养家庭在农村长大的。我以为他们是我的亲生父母。不过同时，我在那里上学的时候我觉得我班跟其他班不一样。我也不知道我是怎么知道我班大多数或所有的同学，加上我，都是孤儿。我养父有时候跟我开玩笑说：“如果你不听话的话，那你就会送到福利院。”我那时候笑了笑然后什么都没想。

当我八岁的时候，不知道为什么，我被送到了福利院。但我也没有问任何问题。我养母实在是舍不得我走。我养父安慰安慰了我养母。我那时候很想念我的养父养母因为他们对我很好。在我在福利院4年的时候，他们只看过我两次。我知道有一个女孩的寄养家庭父母在她被收养之前在福利院的一两年时就被看望过16次。我不明白为什么我养父养母只看我一两次。难道他们不想我吗？不对。当他们看我的时候然后我们要分开的时候我养母是很舍不得我的。阿姨们告诉我那个女孩被看望那么多次是因为她很听话。（他们老是用这个原因，像你为什么没有被收养什么的）我那时候没有相信因为那个愿意根本就不符合道理。后来我知道我养父养母问了他们去看我好几遍了，但不知为什么，他们只让我养父养母看我一两次。

我在福利院最后一年的时候，我听有人给他的寄养父母打了电话。阿姨们告诉我们福利院的电话不能打外线的。(除非你摁9）

我给我寄养家庭和刘雨晴打了几个电话。然后有一天有一个在办公室的阿姨告诉我我养母告诉了他们我给他们打了电话，我告诉了他们事实然后他们说我不能再打了。我那时候不高兴。第一，为什么我养母告诉了他们？第二，为什么我不能给我寄养父母打电话？我又不是石头，我是有感受的！对我来说，他们是在偷走我的家！然后我继续想，为什么我寄养家庭把我送到福利院？我那时候知道我是个孤儿，但同时我又觉得我寄养家庭是我的亲生家庭。这个对你们和我都很糊里糊涂的！

后来我知道我养母没有告诉福利院我给他们打了电话。那个阿姨骗我这样我能说实话，这实在是太不公平了！他们怎么能这样做呀！在福利院，很多阿姨说谎，我讨厌她们说谎，而且她们从来都没有为了这个道过歉！但小孩说谎的时候，她们就告诉小孩子们说谎是不好的。这也太不公平了吧！我后来也知道我寄养父母不是我的亲生父母，他们把我送到福利院是因为他们想让我上个好学校然后或许被收养。

在福利院里，人们说好多关于收养的事儿。我只在听到孩子们被收养了或是他们要被收养的时候才想到想有家。我知道当你14岁的时候，你就不能被收养了。当我12岁左右，我不敢想象在中国外面跟一个家庭生活。当我听到孩子去美国的时候，我就想为什么没有一个孩子呆在中国？有一次我听说我的一个朋友被一个中国家庭收养而且住在另一个中国的部分。那时我就希望我的未来是被一个中国家庭收养而且呆在中国。当然了，这个根本就没有发生。但我是真的很希望中国人会收养中国小孩的！那就太好了！

有时候我在中国想：“如果我没有被收养而且呆在中国又有什么大不了的？我的生活又不是那么坏。”

在2011年，11月29日，阿姨们告诉我我有家庭了。我那时候很高兴，但说实话，我也不知道为什么我那么高兴。我只知道我很高兴。你们从来有没有这个感受呀？我从那天到我见到我父母之前都很高兴。当我见到我父母的时候，我就变安静了。当我们要走的时候我留了几滴眼泪。然后我们去了将阿姨和叔叔的家里。他们的工作是欢迎外国人然后让他们了解了解北京。当他们商量我们在北京这几天应该做什么，我主要就是想看我知道的人。他们同意了而且结果我看望了我小学大约一小时。然后我去了刘雨晴的家里。那天是我和我父母在中国做好的一天。

我跟我父母的第二天是我签字同不同意他们当我的父母。我说我同意因为我知道如果我不同意的话，阿姨肯定会骂我骂道我会后悔后悔到一生。我是怎么知道的？有二个孩子被收养了但他们拒绝了。有一个孩子后悔了阿姨们跟他们提了这件事好几次。

当我来到了美国，我很想中国而且家里没有什么事儿可以做的。我浪费了好多时间。我打了好多电话。中国人好多次都告诉我我父母是爱我的而且我也要爱他们。我那是很不舒服而且很内疚。

当我妈妈收养了我从来都没有认识的Lucy，我美国同学会问我我想不想她或是我爱不爱她。我没有回答，但我很内疚。

有一次我们去了一个饭店家北京，那里有一个中国阿姨问我我是不是被收养的。我们说是的。她说我很幸运。我那时候不同意因为我是在跟两个陌生人一起住而且他们说的语言跟我不一样，但我也没说什么。

一年又一年过去了，Amy来到了我家庭。时间过去了，Amy在我融入家庭之前自己融入了家庭。看着看着，我就希望我也能有这样的快乐。所以我开始学怎么爱我家人。这是一个很长的过程！但我做到了！！！我为我父母要等我三年的时间才会回爱他们感到对不起，但后来我知道从当孤儿到有一个陌生家庭是非常难的！！你得让他们慢慢的融入家庭里。

我有跟多的感受要写，但我觉得要把所有的写到一夜博客上好像是太多了。所以请您呆在这儿！

Hey Readers! It's been a long time since I've written anything down in my blog. I got pretty busy with my school life and I don't know what to write in my blog these couple months. Right now I thought about it: I want to write about as a orphan, what do I think about family. It's a hard process and I didn't know how do I felt about it when I was an orphan most of the times.

Growing up, I lived with a foster family on the country side. I thought they were my biological parents. However, at the same time, I went to school there and I felt that my class is different than other class in the school. Somehow, I knew that most or all of my classmates are orphan, including me. My foster father sometimes joked with me saying, "If you don't well behave, then you will be sent into the orphanage." I laughed, and didn't really think about it.

When I was eight years old, I move to the orphanage and don't know why! I didn't ask any questions though. My foster mother had a hard time of letting me go. My foster father comforted my foster mother. I missed my foster parents a lot because they were really good to me. They only visit me once or twice while I was in the orphanage for 4 years. I knew a girl who was getting 16 visits in one or two years before she got adopted. I wondered why my foster parents only visit me that much. Do they not miss me? No. When they visit me, they looked like they miss me a lot and when the visit is over, my foster mother had a hard time of letting me go. The nannies told me the girl got so much visit because she was so well behaved. (They use if you well behaved for a lot of reason, like why you didn't get a family!) I didn't believe the reason anyway because it's just doesn't make any sense to me. Later I found out that my foster family asked to visit me many times, but for some reasons, they only let them visit me once or twice.

The last years of orphanages, I heard somebody made phone call to their foster family. The nannies have been told kids that the phone in the orphanage can't make phone call outside the orphanages. (not if you don't hit 9 before you dial the number)

I made couple phone calls to my foster parents and to Liu Yuqing. Then one day one of the nannies who work in office told me that my foster mother told them that I made phone calls to them, I told them to truth and they say to not to do it again. I was unhappy. First, why my foster mother told them? Second, why can't I talk to my foster parents? I am not a rock, I have feelings! To me, they were steal my family from me! Then I wondering more, why my foster family sent me to the orphanage? I knew I was an orphan, yet at the same time I thought my foster family was my biological family. That was so confusing to you and to me too!!

Later I know that my foster mother didn't tell the orphanage that I made phone call to me. That nanny lied to me so I could admit the truth, that is so unfair! How could they do that! In the orphanage, a lot of the nanny lie, I hated it when they did it, and they never said sorry about it. When it come to kids lying, they told the kids that it's not good to lie! So unfair! I also found out that my foster parents aren't my biological parents, and they sent me to the orphanage to have better education and maybe get adopted.

People talk a lot of adoption in the orphanage. I only thought about wanting a family when I hear kids adopted or when they talk about who is getting a family. I knew when you turn 14, you aged out. When I was around 12, I could't imagine of having a family and living outside of China. Sometimes when they talk about kids go to America, I wondered why none of them stay in China? One time I hear a rumor that one of my friends was adopted by a Chinese family and live in another part of China. That time I wished that my future will be a Chinese family adopt me and stay in China. Of course, it didn't happen. Though I really wish that Chinese people will adopted Chinese orphans! That will be wonderful!!

Sometimes in China I thought, "What's the big deal if I don't get adopted and stay in China? My life isn't too horrible anyway."

On November 29. 2011, the nannies told me that I have a family. I was so happy, but to be honest, I didn't quiet know what I was happy about. I just know that I was happy. Have you had that kind of feelings? I stay happy until the day when my parents got me. I got quiet. When we are leave, I drop a little bit of tears. Then we went back to a house that belong to a women whose name is Joy, and the men call Michael. They job was to welcome foreigners to their house and get them to know Beijing. When they talk about what to do while my family stay in Beijing, the main things that I thought was to see the people that I know. They agree and I ended up visiting my elementary school for about  a hour or so. Then I went to LiuYuqing's house. That day was the best day when I was in China with my parents.

The second day with my parents is the day that I sign whether if I want them to be my parents or not. I said yes because I knew if I didn't said yes, the nannies probably going to scold me so bad that I am going to be regret for the rest of my life. How do I know that? There was two kids that was adopted but said no to it. One of them regret because the nannies reminded them again and again.

When I came to America, I was very homesick and there is nothing to do. I waste a lot of times. I made a lot of phone calls. People in China told me over and over again that my parents loves me and I should loves them back. I felt very uncomfortable and guilty.

When my mom adopted Lucy, who was totally stranger to me before, my American classmates will ask if I miss Lucy or loves her. I didn't answer, but I felt guilty.

Onetime we went to a restaurant call Beijing and there is a women who is Chinese and ask me if I was adopted. We told her yes. She said that I was lucky. I disagreed at that time because I was living with two strangers who speak different languages but I didn't say anything.

Year went by, Amy came to our family. Time went by, Amy started to get use to the family before me. As I watched, I wish I could have that kind of happiness too. So I started to learned how to love my family. It's a such long process! However, I did it!!! I felt sorry that my parents have to wait 3 years for me to loves them back, but I later also understood that transition from an orphan to having a family with strangers is just hard!! You just have to let them to take their own time to get adjust to the family.

I have a lot more thoughts to write down, but I think it's too long to write in one post. So please hang in there!

Having No Heart

没有一颗心

在2015年3月9日，我们的一只狗去死了。那天下午妈妈说：“我们明天会把它弄睡觉的姿态。”后来我们晚上接上了一个电话，兽医就说她们那晚可以就来。

等他们来了，爸爸妈妈要我们跟她说再见。等我们说再见了候，Lucy和Amy哭了。那时候我并没有哭，我在读一个博客。我也没有感觉到什么。等那只狗走了，所有家里的人都哭了，所有家里的人都很伤心。但是，我却没有哭，我也没有感觉到什么。我不明白为什么我什么都感觉不到。

晚上我问妈妈我为什么，妈妈说可能我没其他家里的人跟那只狗那么的近吧。那时候我就很伤心。我去了我的房间，痛痛快快的打了我自己。我很生气。我对自己说：“你怎么那么没心呀！”那时候我觉得我这人根本就不值得生活在世上。别人为了那只狗那么的伤心，可我就什么感觉不到。我真的很不想活在这世上了。

后来Amy发现我打了我自己，然后告诉了妈妈。等妈妈跟我说晚安的时候她问我我为什么对自己不高兴。我告诉了她原因。她后来解释了那是因为我是在保护我的心。那时候我就想Lucy和Amy的过去比我的过去要更狠。妈妈说那是因为我害怕去爱别人，害怕会失去他们，所以我不爱他们。那时候我就想我是个胆小鬼。之后她就说即使是生活在好父母的孩子也会害怕的。可她说什么我都不相信。在中国有那么的人喜欢我，可我这人从来都没有为别人哭过，我只为自己哭过。后来我就哭了好几了分钟。

第二天我还是在想这件事情。我想了又想，我觉得我这人不应该见人。我这人的心那么的小，那么的黑。我这人就是没有一个善良的心！我那时候怎么知道我这十五年是怎么活的。前几个星期我的老阿姨和我们邻居的一只狗去死了，我也什么都没有感觉到。

我老是有一个问题：为什么我真没有一颗心的人能让那么多的喜欢我，爱我。我从来都不会知道。

On March 9^th, 2015, one of our dogs passed away. That afternoon mom said, “Tomorrow we will put her to sleep.” Then at night we got a phone call, the vet said they could come that night.

When they came, mom and dad told us to said good bye to her. After we said goodbye to her, Lucy and Amy started to cry. I didn’t cry at the time, I was reading a blog. I didn’t feel anything. When the dog was gone, every family member cried, everyone was sad. However, I didn’t cry, I didn’t felt anything. I didn’t understand why I didn’t feel anything.

At night I asked mom why, mom said maybe because I was not as close to the dogs as others. I was very sad. I went to my room, frankly hit myself. I was super mad. I told myself, “why you don’t have a heart?!” I thought I don’t have the right to live on Earth. Other people were very sad for that dog, but I didn’t feel anything. I really didn’t want to live on Earth.

Later Amy saw I hit myself and told mom. When mom said goodnight to me she asked me why I wasn’t happy with myself. I told her the reason. Later she explained to me, it’s because I was protecting my heart. I thought about that Lucy and Amy’s past is much worse than me. Mom said it’s because I am afraid to love other people, afraid I could lose them. That made me think I’m coward, then she said that even the kids grew up with good parents also would be afraid. However, I just doesn’t believe it. In China many people like me, but I never cried for other people. I just cried for myself. Later I cried for couple minutes.

Second day I still thought about it. I kept thinking, I thought I shouldn’t meet people. My heart is so small, so black. I don’t have a kind heart! How did I live fifteen years! In the last couple of weeks my Great-great Aunt and one of our neighbor’s dog died, and I didn’t feel anything.

I have a question: Why does everybody like me or love me even though I don’t have any heart? I never know.

Thoughts about Hugs

对拥抱的想法

在我的记忆力，当我跟我寄养家庭生活的时候，我的寄养父母从来都没有抱过我。那时候我也很讨厌拥抱。我觉得拥抱是那种男女朋友的东西。当时我就想：拥抱真恶心，我从来都不会给别人拥抱的。

当我来到了福利院然后去了学校。我还是不怎么喜欢拥抱，但是我也那么讨厌拥抱。有些大人很喜欢摸我，但是不我喜欢他们摸我。为什么他们非摸我，不摸别人？我这人又不那么的可爱或吸引人。

到了四年级我有了我中国最喜欢的老师之后，我一直想给她一个拥抱。但是，我从来都没有看过其他学生抱过他们的老师，所以我觉得这可能会违反了学校的规则。当时我也害怕我中国最喜欢的郑老师会骂我如果我跑过去抱他的话。说不定她会觉得我有神经病。况且，她那时候没有抱过我，所以我哪知道如果她喜不喜欢抱我。我觉得她会生气我的。

说到了生气，有一次我摸了一个同学因为我很喜欢她。之后她就告诉她姥姥我抓了她，然后她姥姥骂了我。当时我就不高兴，我只是摸了她而已。但是，那时候我也没说什么，因为我觉得可能是我的指甲太长了吧。从那以后我是不会抱别人的除非他们先抱我的或他们问我的因为我不想他们不高兴。

到了美国的时候，我觉得他们是超爱拥抱。我一点儿不喜欢。不过后来我已经适应了。现在如果别人问我拥抱的话，我一般都会说好的。有一个倒是没有改变：我是不会跟男生拥抱的，除非是我的家庭。

In my memory, when I lived in my foster home, my foster parents never hugged me. At that time I really hated hugs. I thought hugs are for between boyfriends and girlfriends. That time I thought: Hugs. Yucky. I would never hug other people.

When I came to the orphanage and then went to school, I still didn’t like hugs, but I didn’t hate hugs either. Some adults liked to touch me very much. However, I didn’t liked that they touched me. Why they touch me, not others? I wasn’t really a cute or attractive person.

When I had my Chinese favorite teacher in fourth grade, I always wanted to give her a hug. However, I never saw other students hug their teachers, so I thought that it was against school rules. At that time I was scared my favorite teacher, Mrs. Zheng, would scold me if I ran to hug her. Maybe she would think I’m crazy. In fact, at that time she didn’t hugged me before, so how was I supposed to know if she liked me to hug her or not. I thought she would be mad at me.

Talking about getting mad at other people, one time I touched one student because I liked her very much. Then she told her grandma that I scratched her, and her grandma scolded me. At the time I was unhappy, I just touched her. However, I didn’t say anything, because I thought maybe because my nails were too long it felt like a scratch. From there I never hugged people unless they first hugged me or they asked me because I don’t want them to be mad.

When I came to America, I thought I love to hug people, but I didn’t liked it. However, later I became use to it. Now if somebody asks me to hug them, I usually will say yes. There’s one thing that didn’t change, I would not gave boy a hug, unless he is my family.

Pressure

压力

在我刚刚来到美国的时候，很多的中国老师和阿姨都为我高兴。有些老师说：“你爸爸妈妈是很爱你的，你也要好好的爱他们。”我知道他们是想让我快快地融入的这个家庭，但是这句话让我很不舒服。这让我觉得我这个人根本就没有心。我美国同学也问过我如果我爱不爱我的家人。当时我是真的不知道。当时我也在想，如果我不是孤儿的话，那我就不会有这些问题了。

在周末晚上我喜欢看中国电视。有一次我看了一个爱情电视剧。那里的四个主角都是孤儿，其中一个是被收养了。她很多次都跟他的父母说：“长大以后我一定会回报你们的。”当时我就想：不知道长大后我会不会回报爸爸妈妈呀。这个女孩的心是多么的好呀，而我的心的多么的硬呀。当孤儿这么就那么难呀？

我现在有两个超喜欢的老师，一个是我中国最喜欢的，一个是美国的。我觉得我好像喜欢的到爱她们的地步了。可是。我却没有这么样的喜欢我的父母。当我看到别人做这个的时候，我就觉得他们不应该做这个。但是，我自己也在做这个。我不知道我应该爱谁，有时候我太喜欢她们了。我就是不知道怎么停止。

我有时候在想：为什么我有这种问题。我住过我寄养家庭八年了，而且我觉得他们是我的亲生父母。为什么我还是有这些问题。为什么我还是跟其他的孤儿一样？为什么？

我觉得我很对不起我现在的爸爸妈妈，他们那么的爱我。我却一点儿感觉都感觉不到。我这人真是不知道怎么感谢。要我说，我当孤儿就是应该的，谁让我这人那么坏呀。

收养是一件好事儿，但是收养是很难的。有的孩子他们立马就爱上了你，有些孩子他们把你当成一个陌生人，然后很长时间以后他们才爱上你的。我是在中间。每个孩子都有不同的反应。无论如何，收养孩子还是一件很好的事儿。

When I came to America, many Chinese teachers and nannies were very happy for me. Some teachers said, "Your mom and dad love you very much. You need to love them also." I knew they wanted me to get use to the family quickly, but this quote made me very uncomfortable. That made me think I don't have a heart. My American classmates also asked me if I loved my family or not. I really didn't know at the time. I also thought, if I wasn't a orphan, then I would not have those problems.

On weekend nights I like to watch Chinese TV shows. One time I watched a romance show. There were four characters who are orphans, only one of them was adopted. Many times she told her parents, "When I grow up, I will pay back you guys." I thought, "I don't know if I'm going to pay back my parents or not when I grew up. The girl's heart was so good, but my heart is so hard. Why is being an orphan so hard?"

Now I have two teachers that I like very much, one is my China favorite, one is American. I think I like them to the point that I love them. However, I don't like my parents that much. When I see other people doing that, I think they shouldn't do that. However, I am doing it myself. I don't know who I should love. Sometimes I like them too much. I just don't know how to stop it.

Sometimes I thought, "Why do I have this problem. I lived in a foster family for eight years, and I thought they were my real parents. Why am I the same as other orphans? Why?"

I think I am letting my parents down. They love me so much. Yet, I don't feel anything. I just don't know how to be thankful. To me, I should become an orphan, because I am such a bad person.

Adopting is a good thing, but adopting is hard. Some kids love you right away, some kids treat you like a stranger, then a very long time after they finally fall in love with you. I am in between. Every kid's reaction is different. No matter what, adopting kids is still a good things.

You Need to End It!

你得要结束这个！

在2014年初的时候，我还是再给刘雨晴打电话。她还是没有变，我试着给她说她应该尊重我一点儿，但是她根本就没有听进去。我也没有说什么。

有一次一个人问我她能不能跟刘雨晴说话。当时我就不明白，因为她那时候的语气不是特别的高兴。之后她就说刘雨晴不应该这样对待我。我跟她说没关系，这已经过去了。但是她说刘雨晴这让对待我就是不对，这根本就有关系。那时候我倒是挺害怕的，因为以前刘雨晴对我也挺好的，所以我觉得我应该保持这个友谊。不过后来刘雨晴还是没有变，所以我就给她写了一封信，跟她说如果她能对我好一点，那我们还是好朋友。如果她不能的话，那我们的友谊就结束了。这封信我已经在差不过一年前邮过去了，但是她从来就没有回信给我。

现在我倒是想了想，当我想起她有时候帮我说话的时候，我觉得我不应该做这件事儿。没有一个人在这世界从没有做过好事或只有做过好事。我觉得那时候我应该原谅她。

说到了原谅，这就提到了我中国的同学。我以前说过了，如果一个人老是对我不好，然后一瞬间那个人就马上对我好了，我当时的感受是很高兴，而且我会马上原谅他们。我不会想为什么他们会一瞬间这样的。有一个人说他们对我好是因为我那时候快要到美国了。可是我觉得那时候他们好像在长大。不过不管为什么，我已经跟他们我原谅他们了。

有人说我应该结束这个感情，可我不觉得，因为我觉得他们在改变。每个人都不是完美的，当他们犯错的时候，你得需要原谅他们，因为每次我们犯错的时候，上帝会原谅我们的。

In the beginning, I still made phone calls to Linda. She still hasn't changed. I tried to tell her that she should respect me a little bit, but she didn't listen to it at all. I didn't say anything either.

One time there was one person asked if she can talk to Linda. I didn't get it, because her tone wasn't very happy. Then she said that Linda shouldn't treat me like that. I said to her that it's okay, that was in the past. However, she said that the way Linda treated me just wasn't right, that wasn't okay. I was pretty scared, because before Linda treated me pretty good, so I thought I should keep that friendship. However, Linda still didn't change, so I wrote a letter to her, told her that if she could be nicer to me, then we can still be friends. If she couldn't, then our friendship would end it. I mailed this letter almost a year ago, but she never mail back to me.

Now I think back, when I think that sometimes she helped me speak up, I think I shouldn't have done that. No one in this world never done good things or only done good things. I think at that time I should forgive her.

Talking about forgiving, that brings up my classmate in China. I said that before, if one person always treat me badly, then suddenly treat me nicely, my feeling at the time is very happy, and I will forgive them. I will not think why they suddenly done that. One person said they treat me good at that time I was going to America. However, I thought at that time they were growing more mature. However, no matter why, I already forgive them.

Some people said I should end this relationship, but I don't think, because I think they will still change. Everybody isn't perfect, when they make wrong turn, you need to forgive them, because everytime when we make wrong turn, God will forgive us.

You Need to be Thankful!

你得要感恩！

在中国我老是觉得我的人生这在学校里最不好的。没有一个人会比我更苦。我常想：为什么我的生活那么苦呀？为什么他们的生活就那么好呀？我又没有做错了什么事儿。可能是上辈子我做了很多的坏事吧。我也不太清楚。

等我们到美国的时候，有一个人说我应该感恩。在中国很多人跟我说过我的生活那么好，我应该知足点儿，但是我根本就没有听进去。当那个人说那还有很多的孤儿比我的命更苦的时候，我就想：对呀，你说对，我这人就是不知道怎么感恩！我在中国可能有一个挺好的孤儿生活。有些人比我还要苦。很多孤儿在中国都没上学，没有朋友，没有一个人喜欢他们。我在中国有很多人喜欢我，那么多的人对我那么的好。虽然不是每个人都对我好，喜欢我，但大多数的人喜欢我。这比其他的孤儿更好。

我现在觉得我的生活很好。跟其他的孤儿生活比起来我的生活一点儿都不坏。我要感恩。我现在正在每晚都感谢上帝关于那天的事儿。我会要多多的感恩！

In China I always thought I had the worst life in school. No one’s life is worse than mine. I often wonder why my life was that harsh? Why their life is so easy? I did nothing bad. Maybe I did many horrible things in my previous life. I’m not really sure either.

When I came to America, there was one person said I should be thankful. In China many people said my life is good, I should be content, but I didn’t take it in. When that person said there are many other orphans had worse life than me, I thought: Right, You are right, I just don’t know how to be thankful! I probably had a good orphan life in China. Some people have harsher life than my. Many orphans in China don’t go to school, don’t have friends, nobody like them. In China there were many people liked me, so many people were nice to me. Even though not everybody was nice to me, liked me, most people liked me. That is better than other orphans.

Now I think my life in China was very good. Compared to other orphans my life was not bad at all. I need to be thankful. Now every night I say thanks to God about what happen on that day. I will be more thankful!

How Teacher Respond to a Bad Grade

老师对一个坏成绩是怎样呼应的

有一次在七年级科学课有一个考试，我得到一个不好的成绩。我的特殊教育老师问我我得了多少然后我给她看了。那时候我对我很不开心。然后我的特殊教育老师说：“这很好呀。”当时我就很惊奇，也不怎么高兴。我心想：这根本就不好，这有不是优。根本就不好。你不应该说好，如果我在中国的话，中国老师会骂我的。你为什么说这是好呀。后来她说这对我一个刚刚学英语的挺好的。我不同意，不好就不好，这根本就没有借口。我不喜欢别人用我刚刚来到美国的事情当借口。

有一次我上三年级的时候，我们考了一个期末考试。有一天中午我们在排队吃饭，我的语文老师冲过来了，生气的看着我，然后推了我说：“你还敢吃饭呢！”那时候我很糊涂。之后她告诉我我得到了一个很不好的成绩因为我有一个很大的阅读题没有做，我真不知道我为什么没有做。我可能忘了吧。我的语文老师很生我的气。第二天她公布了我们的成绩，然后她就又骂我。她说我不应该吃饭。我觉得她说了我是白痴因为我的成绩很不好。她有一句话好像没说，但是我能听懂她的意思。她觉得我浪费了她的工夫，我根本就不值得老师教我。她觉得我浪费了她的时间。然后她继续说，继续说，后来我实在忍不住了，然后我就哭了。我很伤心我得了一个那么不好的成绩，我也不应该得那么不好的成绩。后来那些学生安慰了我，但我还是挺伤心的。

其实，我并不觉得我语文老师做错了什么。我觉得她的行为倒是挺有理由的。当然了，我是不会像她一样的对待别人，也不想让她在这样的对待另一个人。她这样对待我是因为我经常得到很好的成绩，然后我却在一个很大的考试得到了一个坏成绩，她这样对我也是一种惩罚，这样我以后会记得，然后再细心一下。所以每当我得到不好的成绩的话，我对我很不高兴。

当我来到美国的时候，那些老师对我的要求比我想象的要很轻松。当我得到了一个不好的成绩，老师他们不但不骂我，而且还鼓励我。我一直在想：为什么老师她们不生我的气呀？我不是说我想让他们生我的气，但我就是很惊奇因为在中国的话，老师对你就不怎么高兴。

我记得有几次我得到了一个坏成绩。一个是在七年级历史课，历史老师给我看了看我在班里的成绩，这让我感觉好了一点点儿，但我觉得我在班里的成绩也不是很好。还有一个是在七年级数学。考试的时候我就很紧张。有的题我根本就不懂，但我也没问，我觉得我应该问一下。后来当我知道我的成绩不怎么好，我就很不高兴。我那时候很想打我自己，但是我不想让他们看见，所以我就忍住了。到了下课的时候，我最喜欢的老师知道我不高兴，所以就告诉我在班里的分数，我倒觉得挺好的。然后她让我笑了笑。从那以后，我就知道为什么美国老师不会在我得到坏成绩的时候骂我。我非常感谢我的美国老师对我的付出。我以后会试着在我得到不好成绩的时候往正面的方向。

One time in seventh grade science class we had a test and I got a bad grade. My special education teacher asked what I got and I showed her. At that time I was very unhappy. Then my special education teacher said, “That’s good.” I was very surprised, and wasn’t very happy. I thought: That was not good, that wasn’t an A. It’s not good at all. You shouldn’t say it’s good, if I were in China, Chinese teacher would scold me. Why did you say it’s good? Later she said it’s pretty good for an English learner like me. I disagree, not good is not good, there are no excuses. I don’t like when people use that I just came to America as an excuse.

One time when I was in third grade in China, we had a final exam. One day at noon when we were lined up to go to lunch, my Language Arts teacher rushed to the door, looked at me full of anger, then pushed me and said, “ You still dare to eat lunch, Huh!” I was very confused. Then she told me that I got a very bad grade because I missed a big part of the test. I really didn’t know why I missed it. Maybe I forgot. My Language Arts teacher was very angry with me. On the second day she announced our grade, then she started to scold me. She said I shouldn’t eat. I think she said that I’m an idiot because my grade was so bad. There was one thing she seemed like she didn’t say, but I understood her meaning. She thought I wasted her effort, I didn’t deserve a teacher teaching me. She thought I wasted her time. Then she kept saying it and continued saying it, then I just couldn’t hold it anymore, then I cried. I was very sad because I got a very bad grade. I shouldn’t have gotten that bad grade either. Then those students comforted me, but I still was very sad.

Actually, I don’t think my language arts teacher did anything wrong. I think her action was reasonable. Of course, I will not be like her, and I don’t want her to treat other people like that. She treated me like that because I got good grades very often, but then I got a very bad grade. She treated me like that as a punishment to me, so later I will remember, and in the future be more careful. So every time when I got a bad grade, I would be very unhappy with myself.

When I came to America, the teachers’ expectations were lower than I thought. When I got a bad grade, they did not even scold me, but encouraged me. I always thought: Why is the teacher not mad at me? I didn’t say that I wanted them to be mad at me, but I was very surprised because if it is in China, the teacher will not be very happy with you.

I remember a couple of times I got a bad grade. One was in seventh grade Social Studies; the SS teacher let me look at my class grade, which made me feel a little bit better, but I thought that my class grade wasn’t very good. Another was in seventh grade math. I was very nervous when I was testing. Some of the questions I didn’t even understand, but I didn’t ask, I think I should have asked. Later when I knew that my grade wasn’t very good, I was very unhappy. I really wanted to hit myself, but I didn’t want them to see it, so I sucked it up. When the class ended, my favorite teacher knew I wasn’t happy, so she told me the class grade, I thought it was pretty good. Then she made me smile a little bit. From that time, I knew why American teachers didn’t scold me when I got a bad grade. I was thankful for the effort that my American teachers put in. In the future I will try to think a positive thought if I got a bad grade.  

Do You Know What Is Love?

你知道什么是爱吗？

很多我六年级的同学，不过只是那些女孩问我：“你爱你的姐姐吗？”因为他们知道我会有一个姐姐。他们问了这个问题几次了。每次他们问这个问题的时候我都感到不怎么舒服。我的回答是：“我不知道”。然后他们问我如果我知道什么是爱。我说不知道。那儿有了一个女孩就说“我的天呀”因为我不知道什么是爱。那时候我很心里很难受。我觉得我很笨因为爱是一个很简单的东西知道而且所有人都知道什么是爱，只有我不知道。我不喜欢别人问我这个问题。

在中国从来没有人对我说过“我爱你”。只不过又一次当我们说关于爱的手语然后千惠姐姐对我说“爱你”，但我觉得她在开玩笑。我并没有真的想过这个。

当我家长收养了我，我妈妈每晚都说“我爱你”。我并没有注意过。然后我中国最喜欢的老师告诉我“我永远爱你”然后这让我感到很吃惊因为从来都没有人跟我说过这三个字。我想了想，什么是爱？你怎么知道如果你爱一个人或一个人爱你？爱和喜欢的感觉有什么不一样？我从来都没有得到答案。我不知道如果我从来爱过或爱上一个人。即使现在，我还是不知道。我为那些特别爱我的人感到很不好因为我没有给他们同样的爱。

我觉得我不值得被人给我的爱。我不知道他们为什么爱我因为我很不好。我不觉得我有一个爱别人的心。我觉得我不知道住在这个世界因为我不知道怎么关心别人。我真想让一个人帮助我和教我怎么做一个爱别人的任何关心别人的人。

有时候我觉得我的脑袋有毛病因为那有很多的东西我应该知道的而我却不知道。我不喜欢我。那里很多的事儿我很想知道但我从来都没得到答案。

那倒是有一个东西我知道。那就是人生是非常的复杂，复杂到你真的不能解释。

Many of my 6th grade classmates asked me "Do you love your sister?". Well, just the girls, because they knew that I was going to have new sister. They asked that couple of times. I never felt comfortable with that question.  My answer was "I don't know". Then they asked me if I know what love is, I said no. There was one girl who react "OMG" because I didn't what love is. I felt very bad at that time. I felt like I'm stupid because Love is a easy thing to know and everybody know it except me. I don't like people ask me that question.

In China never had people said "I Love You" to me. Well, there was one time when talked about what is the sign language for love and Sister Qianhui said "Love You" to me, but I think that she was just joking. I didn't really think about it.

When my parents adopted me, my mom said "I Love You" every night. I didn't really pay attention to it. Then my favorite teacher in China told me "I Love You, Forever" and it shock me because nobody had said those three words to me ever. I thought about it, What is love? How do you know if you are loving someone and how do you know if other people were loving you? What feels different between love and like? I never knew the answer. I don't know if I ever loved or loving somebody. Even now, I still don't know. I felt very bad for the people who love me very much because I don't think I gave the same amount of love to them.

I think I don't deserve the love that other people gave to me. I don't know why they love me because I am just so bad. I don't think I have a loving heart. I think that I don't deserve to live in the world because I don't know how to care about a person. I really want a person to help me or teach me how to be a loving person and caring person.

Sometime I think that my brain have problem because there are many thing that I should know but I don't know. I don't like me. There are many thing I really want to know but I never got a answer.

There is one thing I do know. That is that life is so complicate that you really can't explain.

Do I really have disability?

我真的有残疾吗？

在中国，我知道我有残疾，但这个并没有影响我或是挡了我的路。所以，我就老认为：可能那些医生弄错了，可能我没有任何残疾。可能我是一个完完整整的正常人。

在中国丁姐姐老师指出我的残疾。比如她说我口齿不清楚，我走路不正常，还有当我写字的时候，我压比亚的太重了。她说的每一句话我都不相信因为在中国当我跟我朋友说话的时候，她们没有一点问题听懂我说的话。如果我走路不正常，让我就老是摔跤。丁姐姐老师小看我，所以如果她说什么关于我的事儿，我一般都不会相信的。我们是永远不会同意对方的因为我们的看法。所以我老是把我自己看成一个没有任何残疾的人。

当我上七年级的时候，我的老师老是听不懂我说的话。我很不高兴。我的天呀，难道我的口齿那么不清楚？我就不相信。

现在我在学大提琴而且我的手指姿势就是弄不对。为什么？我真的有残疾吗？但是，如果是的，我会变成很固执因为我真的不想相信这是我的残疾。或者或许这不是我残疾的问题，可能是因为我的语言或是我还是一个初级人而且我就需要时间就好了。但是，在这种情况，我不觉得我是一个很有耐心的人。

现在我老是想这件事儿。我觉得我现在更要弱和懒一些。我真希望我能像我以前在中国那样一样，那样固执。

In China, I knew I had a disability, but that really didn't affect me or get in my way. So, I always thought: maybe the doctors were wrong, maybe I don't have any disabilities. Maybe I'm totally normal person.

In China the sister Ding always point out my disability. In the orphanage, if the people were in their 20s or 30s, we call them sister or brother. If not, then we call them auntie or uncle. Also, for the old people, we call them grandma or grandpa. So, sister Ding said that my speech isn't clear, my walk isn't normal, and I push too hard when I'm writing. I didn't believe any of the things she told me because when I'm talking with my friends in China, they have no trouble to understand me. If my walking is not normal, then I would fall all the time. Sister Ding always underestimated me, so if she said something about me, I usually didn't believe it. We would never agree with each other because our views. So I always look myself as a person who doesn't have any disability. 

When I was in seventh grade, my teachers had very hard time to understand what I said. That times I was very frustrated. Come on, is my speech that bad? I can't believe it. 

Right now I'm learning cello and I just can't get the fingering right. Why? Do I really have disability? Or maybe I just didn't practiced enough and I just use my disability as excuse?

Sometimes when we do things that are really hard, I always think maybe it's part of my disability. However, then I would be stubborn because I really don't want to believe that is my disability. Or maybe it is not my disability fault, maybe because of my language or I'm beginner and it just take time. Although, I don't think I'm a very patient person in that situation.   

Right now I am always thinking about that. I feel like right now I'm more weak and lazy. I really wish that I can be like the girl I was in China. Who is really stubborn. 

Does She Really My Friend?

她真的是我的朋友吗？

我有一个朋友在我中国的班里。她名字叫刘雨晴。我在清河一小的最后一天和周四－快乐的一天提到过她。但是，我并没有让你们去了解她。

她可能是唯一的女孩对我像个朋友。她可是我班里女生最好的朋友。那些男生似乎比那些女生对我要好一点。但是，我不会把刘雨晴说成我最好的朋友。甚至我都不决定她是不是我的朋友。

她跟我中国的其他同学一样，他们都在开始之前对我很不好。有的学生比其他的学生要对我好的早一些。就像我说的，男生比那些女生对我好的要早一些。有的男生可能是我的朋友。有时候我喜欢跟他们玩。

刘雨晴在三年级的时候开始对我好了。有时候她替我说话。我很感激。我帮助了她数学作业。我们俩关系到挺好的。

在三年级之前，每次当我们去上面让老师判作业的时候，她会站在那儿而且跟她朋友说话。当我来的时候，她说：“离我八米远”我很不高兴。但是，当她开始对我好的时候，我就原谅她了。当别人突然对我好的时候，我一般都是原谅他们。我一般不会问为什么他们突然对我好。我觉得我应该感激一下。

当我来到美国的时候，我被允许给中国打电话。所以我就给刘雨晴打电话。她对这一点点凶。她命令我需要先给她打电话而且她的电话时间必须是最长的。我对这个没有问题，但我告诉她她不应该对我这样，因为我觉得我不应该让他命令我来对来去的。但是，她说她是将而且我必须要听她的因为她比我要“强”。（她给我解释了一下通过她说如果我被坏人抓住了，她会在我死之前救我的。如果他被坏人抓到了，我不能就她。）然后她命令我她是我最好的朋友，我立马就反对她。她不能对我这样。她老是用那种“我比你好”的态度对我。我不喜欢。

有时候如果我在说关于我其他的朋友，她很吃醋。她不想让我说这个。当我就想：你不能控制我想什么，行吗？还是，有时候当我给她打电话的时候，她会看电视。我觉得这是很侮辱的！我告诉她如果她再这样，那我就挂了。但是，她好像从来都没听我的。

有一次我在学校考了一个很不好的成绩然后告诉她了。她的答案就是如果是她的话，她会得100的。我知道这不是事实，但我什么也没说。然后另一个时候我在数学课得到了最高的分数。她的回答就是她不相信我能得到最高的分数。她老是把我看得很低。我不喜欢！她应该说一些更好听的话！

那时候我就想：她真的是我朋友吗？我不知道为什么她那样的对待我。或许是因为我对她不好吧。所以我就开始对她更好一点。但是，什么都没改变。

I had a friend in my class in China. Her name is Liu Yuqing. I mentioned her in Last Day In Qinghe#1 and Thursday- Happy Day. However, I didn't mention her enough to let you understand her.

She is probably the only girl who treated me like a friend. She probably was the best friend out of my classmates who are girls. The boys seemed to treat me nicer than the girls in my class. However, I would not consider Liu Yuqing my best friend. In fact, I not sure if she was my friend.

She was like my other classmates in China, who treated me poorly at the beginning. Some of the students started treating me nice earlier than others. Like I said, the boys treated me nice earlier than the girls. Some of the boys probably were my friends. I liked to play with them sometimes.

Liu Yuqing started treating me nice in third grade. Sometimes she spoke up for me too. I really appreciated it. I helped her with math homework. We got along pretty good.

Before third grade, every time when we went up to let the teacher grade our work, she usually stood and talked with her friend. When I came up, she said, "eight meters away from me." I was really unhappy. However, when she started being nice to me, I forgave her. Usually when people suddenly treat me nice, I just forgive them. I usually don't asked why they suddenly treat me nice. I think I should be thankful for it.

When I came to America, I was allowed to make phone calls to China. So I call Liu Yuqing. She was a little bit bossy. She demanded that I need to talk to her first and talk to her the longest. I was okay with it, but then I told her that she shouldn't treat me like that, because I thought that I shouldn't let her push me around. However, she said she is the boss and I need to listen to her because she is "stronger" than me. (She explained being stronger by saying that if I got caught by a bad guy, she could rescue me before I'm dead. If she got caught, I couldn't save her.) Then she demanded that she was my best friend. I opposed right away. She can't treat me like that. She always treated me like she was better than me. I don't like that!

Sometimes if I talked about some of my other friends, she was jealous. She didn't want me to talk about it. At that time I thought, you can't control what I'm thinking, ok? Also, sometimes when I called her, she would watch TV. I thought that's totally rude! I told her that if she did that again, then I would hang up. However, she seemed to never listen to me.

One time I got a bad grade in school and I told her. Her answer was that if it was her, then she would have gotten 100. I knew that wasn't true, but I didn't say anything. Then another time I told her that I got the highest grade in math. Her answer was like she didn't believe that I could get the highest grade. She always had low exceptions of me. I didn't like that. She should say something nicer than that!

At that time I was thinking, is she really my friend? I didn't know why she would treat me like that. Maybe because I treated her poorly. So I started treating her nicer. However, nothing changed.

Missing China

想念中国

我第一走在美国的时候，我几乎每天都给中国打电话！我是非常的想念我的老师和阿姨。那是后我真希望我能回到中国，因为这样我就可以每天见到我最喜欢的老师和阿姨！

我有时候也闯了祸，因为我打电话的时间太长了，但是我想跟他们说话。然后我跟妈妈说当我十八岁的时候，我想回中国。妈妈说可能你会改变你的注意的。我那时候不相信她因为我很想念中国。现在我不那么着急回中国了，因为这这里我有我喜欢的和信任的人。

有一次我上六年级的时候，我们有一个整数作业。你得标签正数和负数。那时候是在2013年的，所以负数是代表过去，正数是代表未来。我在我作业写了“想回中国”。我的数学老师倒是很喜欢我。当我给他们看的时候，她跟我开个玩笑：“我希望不会”我问：“为什么？”：因为我们想让你留在这里。“想到这我觉得这倒是挺好笑的。现在我不想两年前那样着急了。

有时候当我们去机场或看到飞机的时候，我都会想到回中国的事儿。

现在我还是想念中国。但是，我在这里挺高兴的。和那些老师，家长还有其他人。我不再那么伤心了。

The first week after coming to America I made phone calls to China everyday! I missed my favorite teacher and nanny very much! At that timed I wish I can go back to China because then I can see my favorite teacher and nanny everyday!

I got in trouble for making phone calls too, but I wanted to talk to them. Then I told mom that when I was eighteen, I want go back to China. Mom said maybe you would change your mind about that. I didn't believe her because at that time I missed China so much. Now I doesn't hurry about go back to China as much because there are some people here I trust and like too.

One time when I in sixth grade, we had an integer project. You have to label negative and positive number. The negative is the years before 2013, positive number is the years after the 2013. I put "want to go back to China" on my project. My math teacher, who seemed to like me very much, when I was in six grade and showed my project, she joked with me, "and I hope not." I asked, "Why?" "Because we want you to stay here." Thinking back it's a little bit funny. Right now I'm not as hurry as two years ago.

Sometime when we go to the airplane or see a airplane, I always think about going back to China.

Right now I am still miss China. However, I am happy in here. With all the teachers and parents and other people, I am not as sad anymore.

Face the Truth, Don't Hide

面对事实，不要逃避

现在每个人都知道一点点关于我的个性吧，我从来都不会用我的残疾当借口。我也不喜欢别人小看我。我相信如果人的努力够的话，那我们就什么都可以做！我是一个正常人！

那些阿姨老是不同意我的看法。有一定姐姐跟我说了话，她说我在逃避事实。她说我应该面对事实，因为我老是逃避我有残疾的事实。

我想了想她说了话。但是，没有一个人能改变我相信什么。我还是觉我是对的。我没有逃避事实。我实在是这证明不管我有没有残疾，我什么都能做。

可能有些东西对我来说有一点难。但是我不管如果我有没有残疾。我就是想证明我能做到的。我不需要额外的帮助！我不是在逃避事实。我是不会用我的残疾当借口的。

因为我有残疾，我会更加执着一点！我不管如果别人说我死脑筋。我就是要用我的方式来做事。

Everybody now knows a little of my personality. I don't ever use my disability as an excuse. I don't like when people underestimate me either. I believe if people work hard enough, then we can do anything! I am a normal person!

The nannies always disagree with me. One time sister Ding talked to me, she said I hide from the truth. She told me that I should face the truth, because I always hide the fact that I have a disability.

I thought about her comment. However, no one can change what I believe. I still think I am right. I didn't hide from the truth. I was trying to prove that I can do anything no matter if I had disability or not.

Maybe somethings are a little hard for me. However, I don't care if I have disability or not. I just want to prove that I can do it. I don't need extra help! I am not hiding from the truth. I would not use my disability as an excuse.

Because I have a disability, I am going to be more determined! I don't care if people are going to call me stubborn. I am going do it my way.

Smile-Is the Best Thing

微笑－是最好的东西

在中国，我并不是整天都会有很大的笑脸。我一般都不会笑的。但是我已经不是那种的人了。

当我上三年级的时候。我有一个很喜欢我的科学老师。后来她成为了我在中国最喜欢的老师。我很喜欢她，而且她帮助我明白了世界上最美丽的东西。

当她教我们的时候，她的脸上老是充满笑脸。这老让很快乐。然后我们四年级换了一个老师。但是，我还能看到我最喜欢的老师因为她教三年级。当我上四年级的时候，三和四年级都是在同一个楼层。所以我每天都能看到她。在中国学校，那里有一个规矩：如果我们看到一个老师，我们得鞠躬说：“老师好。”每次当我跟她说好的时候，她的脸上老师充满笑容然后用很甜的声音对我说好。她的名字是郑老师。从那以后，我才明白微笑是世界上最美丽最好的东西（从人们里面）。

当我来到了美国，有的老师像郑老师一样。我美国最喜欢的老师（数学）脸上老师充满了微笑。我超喜欢她的微笑。她有时候告诉我我的微笑能让她高兴！其实，她的微笑也让我开心！我第二最喜欢的老师（科学）也老是对我微笑。她告诉过我我有一个很漂亮的笑脸！

现在我住在美国而且我是一个很快乐的人。当我看到别人，我会把我的笑容放在我的脸上而且我特爱别人的笑脸。这就是让我我特高兴。

In China, I didn't have a big smile all the times. I usually didn't smile at all. But I'm not that kind of person anymore.

When I went to third grade. I had a science teacher who liked me very much. Later she became my favorite teacher in China. I like her very much, and she helped me realize the beautiful things in the world.

When she teach us, she always put a smile on her face. That just makes me very happy. Then in fourth grade our science teacher change. However, I still can see my favorite teacher because she teach third grade. When I was in fourth grade, third and fourth grade are in the same floor. So I can see her every day. In China school, there was a rule: when we see a teacher, we have to bow and say, "hello. teacher." Every times when I say hello to her, she always put her smile in her face and use her sweet voice to say hello to me. Her name is Mrs. Zheng. From that later, I just realize smile is the most beautiful and best thing in the world from people.

When I came to America, some of the teachers are like Mrs. Zheng. My American favorite teacher(math) alway have smile on her face. I like her smile so much. She sometimes told me that my smile makes her happy! Actually, her smile makes me happy too! My second favorite teacher(science) always smiles at me too. She told me that I have a beautiful smile!  

Right now I live in America and am a very happy person. When I see people, I will put my smile on my face and I love other people's smiles. It just makes me so happy.

What I Want

我想要什么

在我知道我被收养之前，那些人会问孩子好多的问题。

他们问我好多的问题，有的问题倒是挺难回答的。他们问了我很多那种“什么是你最喜欢的”问题，对于我来说，我没有很多最喜欢的东西。我不怎么喜欢这些问题。那时候有两个问题我倒是挺喜欢回答的，一个是我长大想做什么，我说老师。那时候我想我是一个好学生（因为大家都说我是），所以我就认为：如果我是一个好学生，那好学生就应该当一个老师。我不怎么太了解老师除了知道他们应该教东西。

第二个问题就你想要什么样的家庭。我说：“我想有我的朋友和父母。”那时候我在想葛亚超（我在我最好的朋友提过她），因为我很想她，而且我很想再能见到她。但是，那个问我问题的人没有听懂我说的话。所以他说：“那哥哥姐姐呢？”“好吧。”但是，我真的不是很想说行，我的意思是我想有哥哥姐姐，但我最想的是我最好的朋友。这就是我想要的。

Before I know I was going to adopted, the people would ask the kids some question.

They asked me a lot of questions, some of questions is kind of hard to answer. They asked a lot of "what's your favorite" kind of questions, for me, I don't have a lot of favorite. I kind don't like those questions. There were two question that I like to answer, one is what I want to be when I grew up, I said a teacher. At that times I thought I was a good student(since everybody said I was), so I thought: If I'm a good student, then a good student should be a teacher. I really didn't know a lot about teacher except that they are suppose to teach.

The second question what kind of family do you want to have. I said, "I want my family have my friend and my parents." At  that times I was thinking about Ge Yachao (I mention her in My Best Friend), because I do miss her a lot, and I want to see her again. However, the guy who ask the question didn't understand. So he said, "What about brothers and sisters?" "OK." However, I really didn't want to said OK, I mean, I want to have brothers and sisters, but mostly my best friend. That's what I really want. 

How do you deal with life?

你怎么面对生活？

好了，现在每个人都知道我受到很多的气。也许有些人很好奇我是怎么面对（解决）的。那好，我现在就会告诉你。

因为他们对我很不好，可能很多人觉得我不是特高兴。这个是对也是错。当别人欺负我的时候，我会尽量不浪费我的力量去生他们的气。如果他们对我动手的话，有时候我会假装把这个当成游戏，然后用有精神的脸跟他们玩。不过可能有的人会说我是一个坏人，但是这就是我面对的方法。我不喜欢跟别人交敌人，因为我想成为一个快乐的人。

如果别人跟我说坏东西，我会抗议他们。现在我又是一个坏脾气的人。有的孩子这样说过我。他们也不是错的。我应该忍在心里，然后耐心地问他们停止。但是，我实在忍不住的。别人怎么对待我，我就怎么对待别人。

当我上一年级的时候，所有的孩子都对我不好。在中国里，我们有一句话：你敬我一尺，我敬你一寸。想到这儿，我老是认为他们对我不好是因为我对她们还不够好，所以我就继续对她们好。但是时间过去了，我不能再忍了，而且我不会再听他们了。

现在我想想，我应该怎么对待别人？有时候我觉得我应该对他们好一点。我真希望我能得到答案。

Well, everyone now knows that I have been bullied a lot. Maybe some of you are curious about how I dealt with it. Well, I am going to tell you now.

Maybe most of you thought I wasn't a happy a lot because of how they treated me. Well, that's true and false. When people bullied me, I tried not waste all my energy to be mad at them all the time. If people are physically hit me, sometimes I would act like a game and would play the game with my face light up. Although that maybe saying that I am a bad person, but that just how I dealt with it. I don't like to make enemies with people, because I want be a happy person!

Now, if people say mean things to me, I will argue with them. By doing that, now I have a quick temper. Which some of kids say to me. They aren't wrong. I should take it all in and ask them to stop nicely. However, I just can't take anymore. I will treat people however they treat me.

When I was in first grade, all the kids were mean to me. There is a quote in Chinese: You respect me one inch, I respect you ten feet. Thinking about that, I always think they are mean to me because I wasn't nice enough, so I just keep be more nice to them. But over times, I just couldn't take anymore, and I would not listen to them anymore.

Now I am thinking, How I suppose to treat people? Sometimes I think I should treat them even nicer. I wish I can know the answer.

Work, Work, Work

工作，工作，工作

在中国我们有很多的家庭和课堂作业。对于课堂作业我也不是特不喜欢，但我非常不喜欢做家庭作业。

说到家庭作业，几乎每次都是我最后完成的。有时候我很妒忌他们可以玩，但我得需要完成作业。为什么我老是最后一个人完成作业？

我一年级的作业还行吧，对我来说也不是特多。当我上二年级的时候，张老师给我们留了好多作业。她让我们抄两三页的作文，然后抄诗歌四或五次，还有词语几次。

这对于我来说是很多的作业。一般我到8点或9点才完成。大多次都是我最后完成作业的。我非常不高兴因为别的孩子在玩而我却要完成我的作业。

在上学的早上我老是抱怨语文张老师给我们的作业有多多。然后她就问：“我留的作业多吗？”然后她问其中一个快的学生什么是时候完成的，他们回答7点。他们当然完成得早，他们写字的速度比我要快得多了。

其实他们是有一点点害怕张老师，我也是一样。当我们做错了什么东西，她会老是动手的方法训我们。所以，没有一个人会找机会招惹她。

三年级的时候我有同样多的作业。当我上四年级的时候，我们换了一个语文老师而且她留的作业不怎么多。但也不是很少。

现在说说课堂作业，或是学校作业。有时候我们听写，如果我们写错了，我们得重写五或十次。不知道这对你来说多不多，但是对那些孩子得了100是不多。在语文，我们得把字写漂亮一点，这样别人就能读。这是不一个很难的事情去做，对吧？但是，当老师说第一个词，我们写下来。在我写完之前，老师就说下一个词。接着她会说下一个，然后下一个，然后我就跟不上了。所以需要写工整一点和跟上速度是比较难的。

然后我们把我们的纸传到前面，然后老师就混乱一下，然后就给我们回去。我的纸是在一个我很不喜欢的女孩。她给我判得很严格，然后我就不高兴因为我能看得出来那个词语写的是什么。再说了，在那种情况，这是我最好的了。所以我得抄好几遍因为我的作业还不是很好。

在数学课上老师也不想让我们出错。他们想让我们认真检查。有一次我们做八个乘除法竖式。我错了一个，然后我得把所有那八个问题抄十遍。我花了很长的时间才完成的。

有时候当我们不听话的话，老师就会让我们抄一个文章。有一次她叫我们抄一个四页的文章。我不喜欢抄文章。

在暑假和寒假的时候我们也有作业。阿姨说：“先苦后甜。”也就说我们先做那些辛苦的工作，然后我们就可以玩玩，轻松轻松。所以每个假期，我会比别的孩子做作业的时间长因为我觉得我不会完成的，而且我不想当最后。所以当那些孩子玩的时候，我就写我的作业。那些孩子生我的气因为他们觉得我在搞特殊而且命令我要玩不要做作业。现在，可能有一些人会觉得我适应了很刻苦的孩子。但是，如果我像其他孩子一样玩的话而且只在平日（周一至周五）做作业，到时候我是不会完成的。所以我得多勤奋点儿，如果我想跟上其他的孩子，那我没有选择。

在中国一般我都不在乎或想我有多努力。我就一直做到我完成了我应该做的事儿。然后我会玩游戏或看电视。我不怎么在乎我到底累不累。很多人说我要强，但我其实是要跟上别人，而且我不会给别人任何机会小看我。这就是我。我想跟别人一样。

 In China school we had to do a lot of classwork and homework. I didn't mind doing class work, but I don't like doing homework.

When it comes to homework, almost always I'm the last one who finished. Sometimes I am jealous they can play, but I have to finish my homework. Why I'm always the last one to finish homework?

My first grade homework is OK, not too much for me. When it I went to second grade,  Mrs. Zhang gave us a lot of homework. She makes us copy two or three pages of article, and copy poems four or five times, and words few times.

It was a lot of homework to me. I usually didn't finished until 8 o'clock or 9 o'clock. Most of the time I finished homework last. I was very unhappy because other kids are playing around and I just have finish my homework.

In the school morning I always complain how much homework the Language Art teacher Mrs. Zhang gave us. Then she would ask, "Did I give you too much homework?" and she ask one of the fast students when they finished. They answer 7 o'clock. Of course they finished early, their writing is much faster than mine. 

Actually they were little bit afraid of Mrs. Zhang, and that's little bit true for me. When we do something wrong, she would scold us by use a lot of body language. So, no body would take a chance to mess around with her.

For third grade I have same amount of homework. When I got to fourth grade, the Language Art teacher change and we don't have as much homework. But isn't a very little.

Now let's talk about classwork, or school work. Sometimes we have some dictation, if we get wrong, we would have to rewrite that word five or ten times. Don't know if that sound a lot to you, but not for the kids who got a 100. In Language Art, we have to write the character beautifully so other people can read. That's not a hard thing to do, right? However, when teacher said the first word, we wrote down. Before I finished writing it, the teacher said the next word. Then she would say the next and next and I can't catch up anymore. So writing beautifully and keeping up with the speed is kind  of hard.

Then we passed our paper to the front and the teacher mixed them up and gave them back to us. One time, my work ended up with a girl that I really don't like. She graded me very strictly and I was very unhappy because I can read the word and I thought it's beautiful. In fact, that is my best for that situation. So I have to copy over many times because it was good enough.

In math class the teacher don't want us to make mistakes either. They want us to check carefully. One time we did eight long division and multiplication problems. I got one wrong, and I end up writing all eight problems ten times! It took me a long time.

Sometimes when we disobey, the teacher will make us copy an article. One time she make us copy an article with four pages of characters! I don't like to copy the article.

We have homework during summer and winter vacations. The nannies said, "First bitter, then sweet." which means first we do all the hard work, then we will have fun times to rest and play. So every vacations, I will do my homework longer than the others because I think I won't finish and I didn't want to be the last one. So when the kids played, I did my homework. The kids were mad at me because they think I'm being treated special and told me to play instead of doing my homework. Now, maybe some of you think I am a very hard worker. However, if I were like other kids playing and only doing homework on weekdays, I would not finish on time. So I have to work harder. I don't have a choice if I want to catch up with the other students.

In China I usually didn't care or think about how hard I work. I just work until I finished what I was suppose to do. Then I will play or watch TV. I really didn't care if I was tired or not. Many people said I was eager to excel, but what I am really doing is trying to catch up with everybody and I don't let other people take any chance to underestimate me. That's just me. I want be just like everybody.

Slow and Useless Person

慢和没用的人

在中国我是称为一个很慢的人，因为我做什么事儿都很慢。每次都是我最后完成作业，穿完衣服，刷完牙和其他的事儿。我不喜欢当最后一个。所有人都生我的气因为很慢。我不知道为什么我很慢。有的孩子特快的孩子。我真希望我能像他们一样快。

我的跑步也很慢。有时候在体育课上我们完接力赛跑。我的队员会问我能不能不跑，这样他们就不是因为我而输掉。我会反对他们，因为我不想只站在哪儿看的他们那么有乐趣。我也想有乐趣。我会做我最好的。正如你所猜的，哪个队有我，那个队就是“倒霉”队。每次我的队都是输了，同学们会说这全都是我的错，如果我没参加的话，他们可能就会赢了。这是事实。但是，我还是反对当他们问我能不跑吗，这是我的性格。如果你觉得我不能做什么东西，然后问我能不能不做，当你让别人做的时候，我会马上说不。我不管别人说什么，如果遇到我能不能做事的问题，他们没有权力控制我。我可以自己决定。

在学校我不是一个很有帮助的人，但我想帮助。老师会向别的学生问帮助，但好像从来都没问我。有时候我会问我能不能帮助，有时候即使他们不叫我去帮助，我还是会帮助的（但也就一次两次）。在学校我们也干了活，老师会决定那个组会做值日。他们让我干活了，但只让我做简单的活，从来就没让我做“难”的活。我真希望他们能让我做“难”的活，但我也不是特不高兴，最起码他们让我干活了。

在清河一小我有三个语文老师，一年级一个，二三年级一个，四年级一个。其中的两个老师说我没用和不值得（不是一年级的老师）。又一次在语文课我在读书，但由于某些原因，我读不了，就像有时又你读不了因为你有坏的一点，或是你的舌头特缠。我四年级的语文老师生气了然后说：“坐下，这没用，连这个都不能读。”先开始我笑了因为其他所有的同学笑了，一般当别人笑的时候，我不能帮助（控制我自己不笑）。但是，后来我很伤心，我差一点哭了因为她说的话。但是她说的是对的。有一次在二年级还是三年级，（我也忘了）我得了一个很不好的成绩。我的语文老师说白吃了。我哭了因为她说的太生硬了，我不能再接受了，但她说对了。

说到没用和慢，大多的问题是在体育。在我班上我就像一个大石头，连累了大家。体育老师又一次试得停止。但我也不是特高兴对他们的反应。

有时候当我上床的时候，我会哭一点点因为我很没有。现在我回想了一下，如果我不在人间的话，我的同学会有少一点问题。其他人也能一样（像我同学）。

In China I'm consider a very slow person, because everything I did are very slow. Every times I always the last one who finish homework, getting dress, brush teeth and other. I don't like when I the last one. Everybody get mad at me because I am so slow. I don't know why I'm so slow. Some of other kids are very fast kids. I wish I could be as fast as them.

My running is very slow too. Sometimes in PE class we will play relay running. My teammate will ask me not to run, so they don't have to loose to other team just because of me. I will oppose with them because I don't want to just stand and watch them having fun. I want to have fun too. I will try my best. As you guess, which team I'm on, which team is the "unlucky" team. Every times my team loose, the students will say it is all my false, if I didn't participate, they could be wining. Which it was true. However, I still say no to them when they ask me to not run, that's parts of my personality. If you say something that you think I could do it while you let other people do it, I will say no immediately. I don't care what people say, they have no control over me when it come to if I can do things or not. I can decide myself.

In school I wasn't very helpful person, but I want to help. The teachers will ask other students to help, but almost never ask me. Sometimes I will ask to help them, and sometimes I will help anyway(but it only once or twice). We also do chores at school, the teachers will decide which group to do the chores. They did let me do chores, but only easy chore, never let me to the "hard" chores. I wish they could let me the "hard" chores, but I wasn't very unhappy since they at least give me some chores to do.

I had three Language Art teachers in Qinghe #1, one for first grade, one for second and third, one for fourth. Two of them say I was useless or not worthy(not the first grade teacher). One times I was reading in Language Art in fourth grade, but for some reason I can't read like sometimes if you can't read because you had a bad day or your tongue get twist it. My fourth grade Chinese teacher got mad and said, "OK, sit down, so useless, can't even read this." At first I laugh because all the other classmate laugh, usually when people laugh, I can't help it. However, then I got very sad that I almost cry it because what the Language Art teacher said. Although what she said it true. One times I got really bad grade in language in second or third, I forget. My language teacher said it was a waste to let me eat food. I cry because what she said was so harsh that I couldn't take it anymore, but she is right.

Talking about Useless and slow, the most problem is in PE. In my class I'm like a big heavy rock that slow everyone. The PE teacher did try to stop one times. Still, I was very unhappy to what the students respond.

Sometimes when I'm in bed I will cry little because I am so useless. Now I'm thinking back, if I wasn't living on the world, my classmate will have less problem. Maybe for other people too.

Accident Happened, No More Second Chance

意外发生了，没有第二个机会了

当我上二年级的时候，也就是2009。有一件事影响了我的人生。

有一次那些许还在洗澡（在福利院很多女孩会一块儿洗澡）。当我正要拿洗发液的时候，我不小心摔倒了而且我的头撞到了厕所地面很尖的角（厕所的地面比浴室的地面要高一点），然后我的头流血了。我哭了因为那时候很疼！所以阿姨带我去医院，然后他们缝了我的头。

有一个阿姨哭了以为她很担心我，但其他的阿姨生我的气。她们怪我不小心，还说我不听话。

等这件事发生以后，阿姨们从来都不会让我干活。在这件事发生之前，当我想干活的时候，阿姨就让我干活。但是，因为这件事发生了，我再也没有得到第二次机会。我很不高兴。每次我问我能不能干活的时候，他们老说不行因为我会摔倒。有时候我会跟阿姨抗议。但是，阿姨的力量比我大得多了，而且，没有一个孩子同意我。我也没有放弃问他们给我第二次机会。我讨厌当别人小看我。每次阿姨说不行，我会说：“竟会小看人。”，有时候她们会说：“不是，是你太逞强了。”然后我就说如果别人能做的事，我就能做。阿姨老是会说我跟别人我不一样。有一次她们竟然把我弄到每个人的前面然后问我是不是跟别人不一样。然后我听见的只是：“是！”然后他们让我回到我座位。我很不高兴。

有时候我会说我又不是一个废物。她们说：“我没说你没用”很好，如果你不让我做事，这证明你觉得我不能做事，也就是说我是一个废物。但我不是一个废物。

因为这个，阿姨老会说我是一个死脑筋。那时候，我觉得这个意思是我很笨，但现在我懂了。我不觉得我很固执。我觉得她们太自以为是了而且她们不像接受她们有时候她们有时候会有错的事实。

时间过去了，我变聪明了。我会一些事做事当她们没看的时候，这样我就不会被她们说了，而且她们从来就没知道。

我老是想，为什么她们就是不能给我一个机会，然后她们可以从这里学一点东西。

When I was second grade, which was in 2009. Something happened that affected my life.

One time the girls were in the shower (in the orphanage a lot of girls will shower together). When I was about to grab shampoo, I accidentally fall and my head hit in the sharp corner of the bathroom floor (the bathroom floor is a little higher than the shower floor) and my head started bleeding.  I cried a little because it hurt! So the nanny took me to the hospital and they sewed my head.

One nanny cried because she was worried about me, but other nannies were mad at me. They blamed me for not being careful and they said I was not well behaved.

After this happened, the nannies would never let me do chores. Before this happened, the nannies would let me do chores whenever I asked. However, because this happened, I never got a second chance. I was very unhappy. Every time I asked to do chores, they always said no because I might fall. Sometimes I would argue with the nannies. However, the nannies were much more powerful than I was, plus, none of the kids would agree with me. Still, I didn't give up asking for a second chance. I hate when people underestimate me. So every time the nannies said no, I would say back, "You just underestimate people!" Sometimes they said, "No, you overexert yourself." Then I would say if other people can do it, then I could too! The nannies would always say I was different than everybody. One time they even took me in front everybody and asked them if I was different from everybody or not. Then all I heard is "YES." Then they let me go back to my seat.  I was so unhappy. 

Sometimes I would say I am not a useless person. They said, "I didn't say you are useless." Well, if you don't let me do things, that means you think I can't do things, which means I am a useless person. Which I am not!Because of this, the nannies would always say I am very stubborn. At that time, I thought it meant I am stupid, but now I understand. I don't think I am very stubborn. I think they are too sure of themselves and they don't accept that sometimes they might be wrong.

Over time, I got smart. I would do something when they are not looking so I wouldn't get in trouble and they never knew.

I was always wondering, why they can’t just give me a chance and learn from it.