Unfair Punishment For Innocent Children

We have been receiving punishments as a group many times in the orphanage, and often we don’t know what we did wrong. Often times the whole group would get punished because a few kids messed up.

One time four or five nannies took 20 of us to a big inside area to play after supper. After a short while, I saw two of the oldest boys get into a fight and two nannies were trying to stop them. I don’t know how long it had been going on, but after watching a minute, one of the nannies ran out of patience and ordered all of us to stop playing and go to the TV room to watch TV because of the fight between the two boys.

One night a group of kids, who were aged 8-13, were supposed to take medicines in a powdered form. They were told to go to another room and get water from a dispenser to dilute their medicines. A boy, who often got in trouble, put his medicine into the water dispenser and a couple of kids copied him. A nanny figured out what was going on ordered all of the kids in that group to go to bed right away, which was 30-60 minutes earlier than our usual bedtimes.

During a winter evening, some kids were playing outside while I was told to stay inside and watch because of my disability. Though I disagreed, I still obeyed them. An hour later, a small group of kids, who were far from where other kids were playing, were goofing off. A nanny went out and checked what was going on. The next thing I knew we were being sent back inside because she had fallen and being told to stand for a few minutes. While we were standing, another nanny blamed all 20-30 of us for the fall and told us we had ruined the wonderful treatments that the injured nanny had given us. For the rest of evening, the nannies told us to be silent and we were sent to bed not long after that.

We often were forced to watching TV and sit there and be quiet for long periods of time during the first three years of my life in the orphanage. Sometimes we couldn’t stay silent and would start talking. One morning we were talking for about an hour and it was time for the nannies to go off work and another crew of nannies to come in. They talked about our misbehavior, and then a nanny turns off the TV and pulls a chair in front of us and criticized, "I often give fair treatments, but you have taken advantage of me and bullied me." Then she just sat there and ordered us to be silent while she shed tears. I sat there and was puzzled: why does she need to make such big fuss about it. What wonderful treatment had they given us that we should feel so thankful? What did we do that deserved an hour of silence or ruin the wonderful treatment? Are we that horrible? Or are they just trying to make themselves look good?

You will think this way of educated kids would be the same on the positive behavior. It was similar, except it was much more rare. Often, the rewards for positive behavior only went to individuals. They would go off somewhere and play with no nannies around while others had to do the same boring things. Still, as a whole, we often got the message that we weren’t good kids, and sometimes they held up one or two kids as an example of a good kid in their eyes. These were the kids who very rarely rebelled against them. I can hardly remember a time when the nannies praised us as a group and said that we were wonderful kids.

I wonder if the nannies had any idea of what they had signed up for. I think they thought that watching kids would be a very easy job. I don't think they were prepared with a lot of patience. A lot of nannies either were texting or talking to other nannies when they supposed to be paying attention to us. Sometimes they had a bit more patience, but it only lasted about an hour. It's a shame that while all these problems were going on, a sign in front of our orphanage says, "Everything is for the children. The children come first."

How the Orphanage Caregivers Did Their Job

When I lived in the orphanage, it seemed like a lot of nannies didn't like their job very much. Most of the times they just talked to each other and made us to sit in the living room to watch TV the whole day. Sometimes when they eat, they would say to us, "If you behave, then you could play when we finished eating." We would sit there. One hour passed, they were talking and we were still watching TV. Sometimes a kid asked, "When we will play?" They answered, "later." Then we would keep asking because they were still talking. Then when they was unbearable of the question, they answered, "you weren't behaving, so you can't play." How could they answered like that! They were just making an excuse so we couldn't play! That is how they wasted my times many days when I lived in the orphanage.

Another way to waste our time and letting them to relax was to make us to sleep. We would go to bed at 7 and wake up at 6. Then we would take a nap that is from 11 to 1, 2, or 3 o'clock. I wouldn't take nap when I came there from my foster family, and the nannies would punish me harshly. One time they made me to drink water to the point that I threw up. I shed a few tears but I didn't regret. I wasn't tired at all, why should I go to sleep then? The nannies never said sorry for it. 

Many things the nannies should've say sorry but didn't. Many times it's their fault but they made it looks like it's our fault. One time there was a rumor that a person stole something. They thought it was a boy, but he said no, and to me it looked like that he told the truth. But then Sister Zheng (if a caregiver is under 30, we called sister or brother) forced him to say he stole it. If he doesn't admit, then he will stand until he admits. He was persisted in for a long time, about an hour. Later he couldn't hold it any longer, so he told Sister Zheng what she wanted to hear. Sister Zhang then immediately criticized him for not standing up for what he wanted to say, but what other want him to say. She asked him why he admitted that he stole things. I thought that was so unfair. If I asked her why she did what she did at that time, she would probably say, "I am trying to teach him that no matter what, he needs to be honest, not said what other want him to say."

The nannies always said, "Hit is caring, scolding (more like insults or heavy scolding) is love, and all the things we are doing is for your goods." One time Sister Ding gave my best friend, SNN, and I the nickname princess because we always complained about things, though on different subject. I disliked the nickname very much but she wasn’t bothered much by it. One reason was that from the TV shows that I watched, the princess need or let people do everything for her. I hated the idea because I don’t need people to do things for me. I wanted to be independent. Second reason was my complaints were reasonable. It’s true that they underestimated me. To me that was stand up for what you believe in, not a princess complaint. Sometimes I complained they gave me boy's clothes, which was true. They only looked at the size when they gave me clothes, not whether if it looks good on me or not. I always was so bother by it when they called me that nickname and I always said, "I am not a princess!" Then that Sister Ding would say, "see, if you don't reply, then we won't call you anymore anyway." I was so unhappy. It is not right to give people's nickname, why tell me to just go along with it. Now I thought about it, that Sister Ding did this to make me be silent, not to make noise. When I told other nannies that “Sister Ding” bullied me by gave me a nickname, they ignore me completely.

When it comes the question whether the nanny is right or us, 99% of the time the other nannies would support that nanny, even if they are wrong. During one night, around 8 or 9 when we suppose to sleep, SNN, another girl, and I were talking. We were being careful not to caught by Nanny Bai that were working. She hated me and my best friend from when she met each of us and she is very biased to the boys. Either of us can’t do anything that could please her. She finally caught us talking and scold us. My best friend got mad and said bad things about her, which is true. She did many things that we think she was not supposed to do. I now forgot what her list were, but I added to her list of she often used unclean word. The other girl join with us. The next day, that girl told Nanny Bai what we said because Nanny Bai was scolding her. The supervisor of our area (which has about 30 kids) got the news and told all the children who got the news it’s none of their business and told SNN gently next time don’t say such things. The next time when Nanny Bai saw us, the supervisor wasn’t there. She scolds us and asked us harshly about when did she did the wrong thing. We all were silent by the harsh tone. We said sorry and then left. Not soon after that, SNN and I got in trouble with her for other things, even on the last week of my time in the orphanage because we were playing “out of the control.”

That night we and that girl who I mention last paragraph were showering from Nanny Bai’s permission. That girl was in the mood of playing, so we splash water a lot, and opps splash the water on her when she came in. She got so mad and she told us that I was lucky to leave the orphanage soon, but that girl and SNN aren’t as lucky. I felt bad that they won’t get out of the trouble. Now I looked back and thought that she has no reason to be mad at us because for one, she didn’t get a lot of water on her clothes. Second reason was that we didn’t do on purposely. Why can’t we have fun? Why can’t we have opps?

Many nannies got frustrate with me because I liked to play and do stuff just like the other kids would. After the accident happen in 2009, they always limit me doing things. I would break their rule and sometimes got hurt, but only a little bit. They always scold me saying somethings like, “you never learn lesson. Don’t you realize that you are different from other people, that you can’t do stuff!” True, I didn’t learn that lesson, and the reason for that was it wasn’t true! I did accomplish things before I had accidents. I tried to sound it wasn’t big of deal that I had accident, but they refused to listen to me the minuet the saw I had accident and won’t accept that they are wrong.

Many times, the nannies would think themselves as perfect, because they always said something like, "I am adult, how come you don't respect me." Every day in the orphanage I always argued with the nannies that I actually could do a lot of stuff, and because of that, they said, "Alice, you are good at everything except your temper." The way I thought at that time was that I has the best temper in the world because the people around me had worse temper than me.

Many time I didn't look up to the nannies, I thought their heart weren't very kind. They look like they don't like to take care us so much. If you guys don't like, then why you became a nanny!

From that thought, I noticed somethings that the nannies don’t. Sometime the nannies would be so lazy that they let the bossy kids to watch over us. I never like it, why should my peer rule over me? The kids who get that permission often got special way, like they didn’t have to sit and watch TV, they didn’t have to sleep as much, they could complaint against the nannies and they would listen to them. They often are just 2 or 3 years older than me. Why they could do those special things? Through this they become more bossy and mean, but the nannies didn’t know it, or they didn’t care. One of the them, who was a guy, tried to abuse my friends and me. Lucky for me that the Sister Ding called me when he tried to abuse me, but I didn’t trust her enough and was scare that I didn’t tell her about that guy. However, he also did other not so good things. Despite of his action, they thought he is a good kid. One time one of the nanny told a boy, who I mentioned at the begin, that he has a kind heart because he “agree” with her for somethings because he was tired of listening to her. She didn’t see that. Did she know it that this boy has bullied me and other kids ever since I met him? If the answer is yes, then why she says such of thing? The nannies need to have sharper eyes, because many kids never get the protection they need, and my friends and I was one of them.

As matter of fact my life is good compare to other orphans. I lived in the capital of China, where the government could visit more often, although the orphanage would often put a show for it and show how “good” our orphanage is and the government didn’t check carefully. My supervisor was the top one out of my orphanage, she watches us closer than others in the orphanage. I couldn’t believe the fact while I was force to drank 4oz of water every half hour to an hour during a week day that we don’t have school, a girl who has bathroom problem in another floor almost died from a kidney problem because she won’t drink water because the nanny won’t change her diaper, and the nannies in that area didn’t care if she drinks water or not! I know one family who adopted 11 kids. The kids’ lives in the orphanages was worse than mine. When they adopting one of kids, that kid only would get close to the dad because he was so scare of the nannies. Another kid of theirs wrote a post about how her nannies cared her: 

http://www.flowerthatblooms.com/elyses-words/

I wanted to thank God that he gave me a good foster family the first 8 years of my life. They gave a good example of parenting. They allow me to do chore, sometimes I could do without their permission. They told me that I was smart. They made me felt that I could do anything I set my mind to. They didn’t over protect nor under watch me. If I didn't start my life with them, then I wouldn’t notice the nannies are wrong. I wouldn’t have the courage to stand up against them, which is one thing that I am proud of myself. I wouldn’t have the confidence, courage, and energy to fight them when nobody stood behind me. I am so lucky and blessed! However, 99% of orphans aren't that lucky or blessed! Many of them don’t have the confidence, courage, or energy to fight. In fact, Some of them probably are finding ways to end their life!

New Area

新的地方

福利院的孩子是分成几个区根据他们的年纪和能力。我住的地区是教育二区，那里有最大和最有能力的孩子。我们在福利院搬了三次。在第三次的时候，我们教育二区跟教育一区并合了。教育一区的孩子是福利院第二大的很第二最有能力的。当我们并拢了，我们有两倍的孩子。我们能有60个孩子吧。我们是“特殊教育区”

在我们搬到特殊教育的时候，那里有好多的女生在我们睡屋。有一个女孩她老爱笑。她每时每刻都在笑而且没人知道她在笑什么。她的名字叫水雅茹。我们有点烦和不高兴因为我想正要睡觉呢。有时候她喝药的时候都不能停止笑。现在我回想，我觉得我很坏。为什么她的笑让我觉得很烦？我应该试着去理解，这可是能她的残疾一部分吧。但是，我把人看成人，我一般都不会看他们的残疾的。有时候我觉得我是一个很消极的人，这是事实因为我看什么都是要看不好的一处。

那里也有一个女孩爱笑，但不像水雅茹一样。她的名字是水伊利。后来我和她们两个成为了朋友而且我改变了我对她们的看法。

因为我们搬到另一个地方，而且我们的区也很大，我们的地区有两个区长。一个是魏阿姨，一个是李阿姨。她们两个我都喜欢。有一次我问魏阿姨关于当我们学校去春游的话，我能不能有一个照相机。她答应了我。原因我问这个是因为我已经知道我有家了，所以如果我能有一些照片的话，这会是一个很好的记忆。

我们的区住在两层楼。我们住在第二层和第三层。第二层是学习和玩游戏的的楼层。第三层是看电视和睡觉的楼层。

阿姨也增加了两倍。有些阿姨很喜欢我。我也很喜欢她们。

The kids in the orphanage were divided into groups based on age and ability. The group I lived in was for the oldest and kids with the most ability in the orphanage. We moved to a different building three times. On the third time, our group and another group who were the second oldest and have second most ability moved together. After we became one group, we had twice as many, probably 60 kids. We were call the "Special Group"

The first night we moved to the special group, there were a lot of girls in our room. There was a girl who laughed a lot. She laughed all the time and nobody knew what she was laughing about. Her name is Shui Yaru. We were a little tired and unhappy because we were trying to sleep! Sometimes she was taking medicine, and she still couldn't stop laughing. Right now thinking back, I think that I am a very bad person. Why her laugh bother me? I should try to understand, maybe that's part of her disability. However, I see people as people. I usually don't see their disability. Sometimes I think I am very negative person, which was true because I always think negative about things.

There was another girl who also liked to laugh, but not as much as Shui Yaru. Her name is Shui Yili. Later I became friends with both of them and I changed my view about them.

Because we moved into a new area with a larger group, our group had two supervisors instead one. One is nanny Wei, one is nanny Li. I liked both of them. One time I asked nanny Wei about having a camera when we went on a field trip in school. She said yes. She said yes to it. The reason I asked is because I know I have a family, so if I could have some pictures, that will be a great memory.

Our group lived on two floors. We lived on the second and third floor. Second floor is the study and play floor. Third floor is watching TV and sleeping floor.

The nannies are double too. Some of the nannies liked me very much. I liked them very much too!

Secret Phone Call

秘密的电话

我们福利院里的电话没有外线。不过，这并不是事实。有一次我去了一个教室，那里有几个男孩在打电话。那时候我就知道那个电话室外线的。所以我就试了试给我班里最好的朋友打电话。我打错了电话号码好几次，但是最后我做到了。

然后一个男孩给他的寄养家庭打电话，我们都知道因为她哭了。不过只有那些大孩子知道，那些阿姨根本一点都不知道。

所以我就开始打电话了，而且我给我的寄养家庭打电话。我们已经很长时间没有跟对方说话。我挺想他们的。然后我就开始给我班最好的朋友打电话。我们的打电话的时候是很有趣的。我们没有告诉阿姨们因为我们知道我们会闯祸的。

但是，那个秘密并没包多久。有一次韩阿姨告诉我我的寄养父母告诉了他们我们给他们打电话了。糟了，我们闯祸了。她问我这是不是事实。我点了头。

然后我就想：为什么他们不让我们给我们的寄养父母打电话？我们想我们的寄养父母。他们不能改变事实。为什么他们叫我们的寄养父母把我们留到福利院？我就是不知道为什么？我知道他们想让我们给我们美国的父母和好，但是在同时，我们也可以继续跟我们的给养父母联接呀。

从那以后，我没再也没有打电话了。

In the orphanage, we don't have an outside phone connection. Well, that's not really true. One time I went to a room, and there is a couple of boys were making phone call. That's when I knew that phone have an outside. So I just try to call my best friend in my class. I hit the wrong number a lot of times, but finally, I made!

Then there was one boy who made a phone call to his foster parents, we all knew because he was crying. Well, only the big kids knew, the nannies didn't know any of this.

So I started making phone calls, and I called my foster family. It had been a long time that we didn't talked to each other. I missed them. Then I call my best friend in my class. We had a very fun time making phone calls. We didn't tell the nannies because we knew then we were in trouble.

However, the secret didn't last for long. One time nanny Han told me that my foster parents told them that we had made phone calls. Uh-oh, we are in trouble. She ask me if this is true. I nod.

Then I was thinking: Why don't they let us make phone calls to our foster parents? We miss our foster parents. They can't change the fact. Why does the orphanage make the parents leave us in the orphanage? I just don't know why. I know they want us to get along with our American parents, but at the same time, we still can keep in touch with our foster parents.

After that, we never made phone calls again.

Strict Rules

严格的规则

在福利院刚来的几个月到，我有两个东西不喜欢。有些阿姨对厕所的规矩很严格。只要我们上床以后，我们就不能去厕所了。上床之前我们可以上厕所，但不能上床之后。有时候我瞥不住了，所以当阿姨没看的时候，我就会去厕所。不过有时候我被抓住了。有一次，一个阿姨姓白踢了我一脚因为我去厕所了。那时侯我对阿姨有一点害怕因为她们像一只老虎，而且我是个兔子，当老虎跟兔子打架的时候，老虎肯定会吃了兔子除非兔子胆子大。

另一个东西我不喜欢的就是我们得睡午觉！我讨厌睡午觉！一般我都睡不着。午睡时间是11点到2点。有时候3点的时候，阿姨才叫我们起床。如果我们没有睡觉的话，我们得睡多点儿。我经常不睡午觉然后经常会被逮着，然后我就会被惩罚。有时候我觉得不公平因为我不是唯一的孩子没睡午觉的，但她们只会罚我。她们说因为我每天都不睡觉！有的时候我会很晚才睡觉，这样在午睡时间的时候我就能谁着了。看，我聪明吧？午睡时间是一条规矩，而且我们得要遵守规矩，但有时候我不喜欢而且我不会！

有的阿姨不喜欢我是因为我不遵守规矩。有时候我真希望我不需要去厕所而且我能午睡。

There are two things that I don't like about the orphanage for the first few month. Some of nannies have strict rule about going to the bathroom. Once we go to bed at night to sleep, we can't go to bathroom anymore. We can go to bathroom before we went to bed, but not after. Sometime I can't hold it anymore, so when the nannies wasn't look, I would go to bathroom. Although sometime I was caught. One time, the nanny name Bai kicked me because I go to the bathroom. At that time I'm a little scared of the nannies because they sometimes act like tiger, and I'm a rabbit. When tiger and rabbit fight, the tiger probably eat the rabbit unless the rabbit is really bold.

The other thing that I don't like is we have to take a nap! I hate nap! I usually can't sleep at noon time. The nap time is 11 to 2. Sometimes the nannies don't let us get up until 3 o'clock! If we didn't sleep at nap time, we have to sleep longer! I often get caught for not sleep at noon, and I would be punished. Sometime I think it's unfair because I wasn't the only child who didn't sleep at noon, but they only punished me. They say because every day I wasn't sleeping! Sometime I will wake very late at night so I can sleep at nap time. Isn't that clever? The nap time is a rule, and we have to follow the rule. However, sometime I don't like the rule and I can't follow it!

Some nannies don't like me because I didn't follow those two rules. Sometime I wish I don't have to go to the bathroom and can sleep at nap time.

Lots of Kids

很多的孩子

过不了多久，我去了福利院的另一个地区。那里有很多的孩子。女孩比男孩要多得多了！我跟很多的女孩睡一个很大的睡屋。有些孩子上学，其他孩子留在福利院。我是其中的一个孩子留在福利院。我们有时候会学一些知识，但是每比一年级的知识难。有时候我们做别的事儿而有时候我们学知识。

有时候我们会干活。我特爱干活！在我住在寄养家庭的时候我就干了一些活。有的阿姨让我干活，我喜欢她们让我干活。有一个阿姨姓闫让我叫她妈妈，不过有时候我得让她提醒提醒。

很多阿姨知道我喜欢学习而且觉得我是一个好学生。有的时候我很喜欢上学校的孩子回来做作业。我希望我也能上学而且能得好成绩。

所以我希望我能尽快能上学。

Not long after that I moved to a different area of the orphanage. It had a lot of kids. There were way more girls than boys. I slept in a very big room with a lot of girls. Some of the kids went to school, other kids stayed in the orphanage. I was one of the kids stayed in the orphanage. We did some school in the orphanage, but it doesn't go beyond first grade. Sometimes we did other things and other times we are doing school work.

Sometime we did chores. I love doing chores. In my foster family I did chores sometimes. Some of the nannies let me do chores. I like when they let me do chores! One of the nannies named Yan wanted me to call her mom, although sometimes she had to remind me a little bit.

Many of the nannies knew I liked to learn and thought I'm a good student. Sometimes I liked the kids who are coming home doing homework. I wished I could go to school and get good grades.

So I hoped I can start school soon.