Do I really have disability?

我真的有残疾吗？

在中国，我知道我有残疾，但这个并没有影响我或是挡了我的路。所以，我就老认为：可能那些医生弄错了，可能我没有任何残疾。可能我是一个完完整整的正常人。

在中国丁姐姐老师指出我的残疾。比如她说我口齿不清楚，我走路不正常，还有当我写字的时候，我压比亚的太重了。她说的每一句话我都不相信因为在中国当我跟我朋友说话的时候，她们没有一点问题听懂我说的话。如果我走路不正常，让我就老是摔跤。丁姐姐老师小看我，所以如果她说什么关于我的事儿，我一般都不会相信的。我们是永远不会同意对方的因为我们的看法。所以我老是把我自己看成一个没有任何残疾的人。

当我上七年级的时候，我的老师老是听不懂我说的话。我很不高兴。我的天呀，难道我的口齿那么不清楚？我就不相信。

现在我在学大提琴而且我的手指姿势就是弄不对。为什么？我真的有残疾吗？但是，如果是的，我会变成很固执因为我真的不想相信这是我的残疾。或者或许这不是我残疾的问题，可能是因为我的语言或是我还是一个初级人而且我就需要时间就好了。但是，在这种情况，我不觉得我是一个很有耐心的人。

现在我老是想这件事儿。我觉得我现在更要弱和懒一些。我真希望我能像我以前在中国那样一样，那样固执。

In China, I knew I had a disability, but that really didn't affect me or get in my way. So, I always thought: maybe the doctors were wrong, maybe I don't have any disabilities. Maybe I'm totally normal person.

In China the sister Ding always point out my disability. In the orphanage, if the people were in their 20s or 30s, we call them sister or brother. If not, then we call them auntie or uncle. Also, for the old people, we call them grandma or grandpa. So, sister Ding said that my speech isn't clear, my walk isn't normal, and I push too hard when I'm writing. I didn't believe any of the things she told me because when I'm talking with my friends in China, they have no trouble to understand me. If my walking is not normal, then I would fall all the time. Sister Ding always underestimated me, so if she said something about me, I usually didn't believe it. We would never agree with each other because our views. So I always look myself as a person who doesn't have any disability. 

When I was in seventh grade, my teachers had very hard time to understand what I said. That times I was very frustrated. Come on, is my speech that bad? I can't believe it. 

Right now I'm learning cello and I just can't get the fingering right. Why? Do I really have disability? Or maybe I just didn't practiced enough and I just use my disability as excuse?

Sometimes when we do things that are really hard, I always think maybe it's part of my disability. However, then I would be stubborn because I really don't want to believe that is my disability. Or maybe it is not my disability fault, maybe because of my language or I'm beginner and it just take time. Although, I don't think I'm a very patient person in that situation.   

Right now I am always thinking about that. I feel like right now I'm more weak and lazy. I really wish that I can be like the girl I was in China. Who is really stubborn. 

Fourth of July accident

七月四的意外

2012年是我第一个的“七月四”而且那是很有趣。我那时候只是看看游行而且那些挺好玩的。那里有好多好玩的东西。有一次我帮助别人给那些小孩糖。然后我看见精英功夫学校来了还有Molly，我的大姐姐，让我跟她走剩下的游行。那时候我决定去走全部的游行。他们同意我了。

然后那天下午我们庆祝我的双胞胎哥哥的生日。然后他们就庆祝我成为了美国公民。我当时感到很惊奇，不过倒是挺有趣的。我挺喜欢的。

在2013年的七月四，我在游行里走了走。Lucy那时候在那儿。我那时候很兴奋因为我要在游行里走了。我的家人再三地叮嘱我如果我累了或是热的话，那就做在精英的面包车。我那时候倒是为了他们的叮嘱感到有一点点烦。我并没有认真在乎他们在说什么。我就是想走全部的游行，而且我做到了。但是，这并不是尾。

我跟精英一块走。如果你忘记了那是什么，那点击这里，或是这里去学习学习一下。那天到挺热的，我很渴，但我没事儿。当我们到了评判员的时候，我们得表演一个东西。那时候我的肚子挺疼的，但也就一点点。我那时候也挺累的，但那时候我想：我们快到了，所以坚持一点吧。Molly问我有没有事。她试着把我弄到面包车。但是，我说我没事儿而且没有做面包车。

当我们到了那个地方，我走不了了然后Molly就背着我。然后我发现我中暑了而且我有例假了。真是的！我真倒霉！我那时候还得去医院（坐救护车！）。但是，那也不是什么大事儿而且我也没事儿。

然后我妈妈说我固执因为坚持不要做面包车。我觉我没有做错什么除了我应该多喝点水而且在我走之前吃一点药如果我需要的话。我不觉得我不做面包车是错的。

下一个七月四我就只是坐在那看看因为那个意外，还有我们要去机场去接妈妈，妈妈那时候要从中国回家了。所以爸爸不想要任何的事故发生。

下个七月四我回去在游行里走。希望我事事如意。

2012 was my first of "Fourth of July" and is very interesting. I was just watch the parade and it was fun to watch. There a lot of things that were really fun. One time I help them to pass candy to the little children. Then I saw the Jing Ying Kung Fu school come and Molly, my big sister, let me walk the rest of the parade. At that time I decided that I want to walk the whole parade. They said yes to it.

Then that afternoon we celebrate my twin brothers' birthday. Then they celebrate that I became America citizen. I was surprise by that, but it was fun. I like it.

In 2013's July fourth, I walked into the parade. Lucy is here at that time. I was so excited for walked the whole parade. My family told me over and over again that if I'm getting tired or hot or can't walked anymore, then ride in the Jing Ying van. I was little bit tired that they said that over and over again. I didn't really care what they said. I just want to walk the whole parade, and I did. However, this is not the end.

I walk the parade with Jing Ying. If you forgot what it's, then click here, or here to learn more about. It was hot that day, I was thirsty, but I was ok. When we came to the judge, we have do a performance. That time my stomach is hurt, but only a little bit. I was a little tired too, but that time I thought: We almost there, so stick it. Molly asked me if I'm ok or not. She trying to got me in the van. However, I said I'm okay and didn't ride on the van.

When we got into the place, I can't walked anymore and Molly carry me. Then I found out that I was dehydrated and my period come. Shoot! I'm so unlucky! I end up riding to the hospital (in an ambulance!). However, it's wasn't a big thing and I'm ok.

Then my mom said me stubborn because I insisted to not ride in the van. I think I did nothing wrong except I should drink more water and make sure I take some medicine before I walked. I don't think not riding in the van is wrong.

Then next Fourth of July I just watch because what happen, plus we were going to airport to get Mom coming home from China. So dad didn't want any accidents.

Next Fourth of July I will walk in the parade. Hopefully everything will go well.  

How do you deal with life?

你怎么面对生活？

好了，现在每个人都知道我受到很多的气。也许有些人很好奇我是怎么面对（解决）的。那好，我现在就会告诉你。

因为他们对我很不好，可能很多人觉得我不是特高兴。这个是对也是错。当别人欺负我的时候，我会尽量不浪费我的力量去生他们的气。如果他们对我动手的话，有时候我会假装把这个当成游戏，然后用有精神的脸跟他们玩。不过可能有的人会说我是一个坏人，但是这就是我面对的方法。我不喜欢跟别人交敌人，因为我想成为一个快乐的人。

如果别人跟我说坏东西，我会抗议他们。现在我又是一个坏脾气的人。有的孩子这样说过我。他们也不是错的。我应该忍在心里，然后耐心地问他们停止。但是，我实在忍不住的。别人怎么对待我，我就怎么对待别人。

当我上一年级的时候，所有的孩子都对我不好。在中国里，我们有一句话：你敬我一尺，我敬你一寸。想到这儿，我老是认为他们对我不好是因为我对她们还不够好，所以我就继续对她们好。但是时间过去了，我不能再忍了，而且我不会再听他们了。

现在我想想，我应该怎么对待别人？有时候我觉得我应该对他们好一点。我真希望我能得到答案。

Well, everyone now knows that I have been bullied a lot. Maybe some of you are curious about how I dealt with it. Well, I am going to tell you now.

Maybe most of you thought I wasn't a happy a lot because of how they treated me. Well, that's true and false. When people bullied me, I tried not waste all my energy to be mad at them all the time. If people are physically hit me, sometimes I would act like a game and would play the game with my face light up. Although that maybe saying that I am a bad person, but that just how I dealt with it. I don't like to make enemies with people, because I want be a happy person!

Now, if people say mean things to me, I will argue with them. By doing that, now I have a quick temper. Which some of kids say to me. They aren't wrong. I should take it all in and ask them to stop nicely. However, I just can't take anymore. I will treat people however they treat me.

When I was in first grade, all the kids were mean to me. There is a quote in Chinese: You respect me one inch, I respect you ten feet. Thinking about that, I always think they are mean to me because I wasn't nice enough, so I just keep be more nice to them. But over times, I just couldn't take anymore, and I would not listen to them anymore.

Now I am thinking, How I suppose to treat people? Sometimes I think I should treat them even nicer. I wish I can know the answer.

Accident Happened, No More Second Chance

意外发生了，没有第二个机会了

当我上二年级的时候，也就是2009。有一件事影响了我的人生。

有一次那些许还在洗澡（在福利院很多女孩会一块儿洗澡）。当我正要拿洗发液的时候，我不小心摔倒了而且我的头撞到了厕所地面很尖的角（厕所的地面比浴室的地面要高一点），然后我的头流血了。我哭了因为那时候很疼！所以阿姨带我去医院，然后他们缝了我的头。

有一个阿姨哭了以为她很担心我，但其他的阿姨生我的气。她们怪我不小心，还说我不听话。

等这件事发生以后，阿姨们从来都不会让我干活。在这件事发生之前，当我想干活的时候，阿姨就让我干活。但是，因为这件事发生了，我再也没有得到第二次机会。我很不高兴。每次我问我能不能干活的时候，他们老说不行因为我会摔倒。有时候我会跟阿姨抗议。但是，阿姨的力量比我大得多了，而且，没有一个孩子同意我。我也没有放弃问他们给我第二次机会。我讨厌当别人小看我。每次阿姨说不行，我会说：“竟会小看人。”，有时候她们会说：“不是，是你太逞强了。”然后我就说如果别人能做的事，我就能做。阿姨老是会说我跟别人我不一样。有一次她们竟然把我弄到每个人的前面然后问我是不是跟别人不一样。然后我听见的只是：“是！”然后他们让我回到我座位。我很不高兴。

有时候我会说我又不是一个废物。她们说：“我没说你没用”很好，如果你不让我做事，这证明你觉得我不能做事，也就是说我是一个废物。但我不是一个废物。

因为这个，阿姨老会说我是一个死脑筋。那时候，我觉得这个意思是我很笨，但现在我懂了。我不觉得我很固执。我觉得她们太自以为是了而且她们不像接受她们有时候她们有时候会有错的事实。

时间过去了，我变聪明了。我会一些事做事当她们没看的时候，这样我就不会被她们说了，而且她们从来就没知道。

我老是想，为什么她们就是不能给我一个机会，然后她们可以从这里学一点东西。

When I was second grade, which was in 2009. Something happened that affected my life.

One time the girls were in the shower (in the orphanage a lot of girls will shower together). When I was about to grab shampoo, I accidentally fall and my head hit in the sharp corner of the bathroom floor (the bathroom floor is a little higher than the shower floor) and my head started bleeding.  I cried a little because it hurt! So the nanny took me to the hospital and they sewed my head.

One nanny cried because she was worried about me, but other nannies were mad at me. They blamed me for not being careful and they said I was not well behaved.

After this happened, the nannies would never let me do chores. Before this happened, the nannies would let me do chores whenever I asked. However, because this happened, I never got a second chance. I was very unhappy. Every time I asked to do chores, they always said no because I might fall. Sometimes I would argue with the nannies. However, the nannies were much more powerful than I was, plus, none of the kids would agree with me. Still, I didn't give up asking for a second chance. I hate when people underestimate me. So every time the nannies said no, I would say back, "You just underestimate people!" Sometimes they said, "No, you overexert yourself." Then I would say if other people can do it, then I could too! The nannies would always say I was different than everybody. One time they even took me in front everybody and asked them if I was different from everybody or not. Then all I heard is "YES." Then they let me go back to my seat.  I was so unhappy. 

Sometimes I would say I am not a useless person. They said, "I didn't say you are useless." Well, if you don't let me do things, that means you think I can't do things, which means I am a useless person. Which I am not!Because of this, the nannies would always say I am very stubborn. At that time, I thought it meant I am stupid, but now I understand. I don't think I am very stubborn. I think they are too sure of themselves and they don't accept that sometimes they might be wrong.

Over time, I got smart. I would do something when they are not looking so I wouldn't get in trouble and they never knew.

I was always wondering, why they can’t just give me a chance and learn from it.