In my orphanage, and perhaps others, the nannies often don’t support children continuing their relationship with the people they love.
Sometimes children from the foster families would be sent to my orphanage and often without knowing how long it will be until they see their foster family. Most cases were never, but sometimes my orphanage would let some of the foster parents to visit their foster children. Children often cried, but the nannies often just stood by instead of comforting them. Once a girl missed the family so much that she asked if she could call her foster family. Two nannies, who stood in front of the phone, said, “We don’t have any phone!” The girl immediately pointed the phone and asked about it. The nannies laughed like she was naïve and said, “The phone can’t make phone calls outside of the orphanage.”
It was two years later when I found out that if you dial nine, you could call people outside of the orphanage. I was so excited and started talking to my best friend from my class without telling the nannies because my friends in the orphanage and I thought they were going to punish us. Surprising, there are some nannies that were okay with it. From there I called my foster family who I had not seen for three years. I enjoyed talking to them so much that I made couple phone calls per week. Then about a month later, after the I finished interviews that will help me find a family, a nanny who works with adoption papers came up to me and said with a very straight face, “Alice, your foster family told me that you called them. Is that right?” I was silence and then she told me, “Don’t lie to me.” I just nodded my head, which means I did make a phone called to them, because I was so surprised that she found it out. Other nannies in the room were on her side. My friends who made phone calls also got warned. When I went to my room, I was mad and wondered why did my foster family told them? I also was frustrate and confuse that the nannies don’t want me to call my foster family who raised me for 6 years.
I asked my foster family for the answer when I came to America. My foster mother told me, “We wouldn’t dare to do it after we finally got to talk to you! I did ask the orphanage to visit you before you were going to America. I told them, ‘I missed my daughter. Can I visit her?” They told me no!” I trusted my foster family more than the nannies in the orphanage because for many times, the nannies would promise they would do something, but never did those things. Also, they would say one thing, but their action proved the opposite of what they said. After I heard my foster mother’s side of the story, I wondered how could that nanny lie to get a child to tell the truth when I did nothing evil?
The phone calls issue didn’t stop when I got adopted. Once when I was talking to my favorite nanny, I asked her the supervisor’s phone number for some reasons that I can’t remember now. My favorite nanny immediately told me that if I call the supervisor, the supervisor is going to ask me where I got the phone number. If I tell the supervisor the truth, she is going to ask my favorite nanny, “Why are you talking to Alice?” and my favorite nanny will get in trouble. I was shocked by the news.
Phone call wasn’t the only thing that top nannies doesn’t approve. A request of goodbye doesn’t get easily accept either. After I got adopted, one of my close friend YL told me her saddest story. One of her friend, YR, was going to be adopted a day later when YL was the only person who was scheduled move to a different orphanage. She asked the top orphanage nannies if they could move her moving day after YR got adopted since they were good friends. She tried more than once convincing nannies to change the date, but the nannies refused to change it.
Not all nannies were hard to deal with. Some nannies are fun and nice, but they sometimes get to move to different areas of the orphanage. Once when a nanny, who was beloved by many kids, visited us since she moved her job, a lot of kids got super excited and got up from the seat and greeted her warmly. Another nanny, who was watching all those, commented after she left with an unhappy face, “You guys greeted her like she was your mom!” Then when the top nanny told other nannies to take their group of kids to different rooms to play, she made all of us listening to her scolding the kids who greet the visiting nanny! Even though I wasn’t as excited as other kids, I was puzzled of why that nanny got so mad.
There was one time when I got scolded because I let people from outside of the orphanage show their affections towards me. The orphanage often took in some middle school kids in the summer. They helped the nannies do chores, helped us with summer homework, and spent times with us. Every time there was at least one helper that was very fond of me. Once there was one girl who wanted me to sit on her lap, and I let her. On the second day, I got scolded for being childish by sitting on a person’s lap. I disagreed because I didn’t ask her to. Besides, we didn’t get hugs, kisses, or any other way of showing affections on our daily life, so why shouldn’t grab the opportunities that we have.
We got a lot of affections when the there were special visitors like Americans, people from the government, or the orphanage directors. When they were here, they acted as they love us. On my last Lunar New Year, the old and new orphanage directors came to visit us. Our supervisor told us to call them Mom and Dad, which I and another friend of mine refused to call. Why should I call a person mom or dad when they don’t know me nor are they adopting me?
I saw similar things on my Gotcha Day, the day when I first met my parents, expect I was with the nannies that I didn’t see every day. I was happy before, but as soon as I enter the room, I become dead like a rock. I didn’t have the energies to fight, so I just do what they told, but in my mind, I was annoyed on how they acted. They don’t know me, yet they put a smile like they loved me so much and knows me for a long time. They said, “she looks a like her mom!” How could an Asian person looks like a European person? My parents also told me that the nannies told me to say I love you, which I totally don’t remember. Then the Vice-Director gave me a hug, which I played along but wasn’t comfortable with it. Does she even know me? She never talked to me in the orphanage. I wondered if she knows that what she’s doing didn’t really represent what the other nannies have been treating us.
Another time when the nannies sent a message of how much they love us is a National Children’s Day, June 1st. There they presented the orphanage director a song that said, “If only everyone offers a little bit of love, then the world is a beautiful place.” They sang like they mean it, but in reality, we didn’t feel a bit of love from them. The worse part of that is that we can’t express any longing for it or show gratitudes of others who love us.
Thursday, August 17, 2017
Sunday, July 16, 2017
Ironic and Strange Responses or Comments
I lived the first eight years of my life with my foster family and was loved very much by them. I got more praise from them than scolding. They taught me many useful life lessons, and I used them when I moved into the new orphanage. However, instead of getting praises, I got scolded.
During one night, the nannies gave permission to two of my friends and I to play in our bedroom while others were watching TV. One of us thought it would be a wonderful idea for us to get the nanny's bed ready as a symbol of gratefulness. We all agreed and started to get the blanket. Suddenly a boy, who the nannies considered to be a good boy and often let him watch over us while the nannies were chatting or doing some other things, came to give us fruit. He saw us and yelled immediately, "What are you doing?" We answered him, and the next thing I remember is that all three of us were told to go back to the TV room instead of playing. For some reason, they saw this as touching people's stuff and were completely ignoring that we were trying to make the nanny happy. We didn't get any positive comments from anybody. I never understood why they did what they did. From there I helped to get the bed ready for people three more times and was scolded two more times. Only once did a person see that I was trying to please people.
I like to help people because I like the feeling of usefulness, but some nannies refused to let me do things because they thought I was incapable, so I started to do things secretly. For example, I started to fill some nannies water bottles with hot water. I was so proud of myself that I told “my friend”. Suprisingly, she focused on the fact that I was doing things that I wasn't approved to do rather than the fact that I was helping people and proving that I could.
The nannies didn't always prevent me from doing things. These things happened after the accident I had in 2009 in a shower. I slipped and my head fell on the pointy edge of a floor that is taller than the rest. It hurt so much and I cried. A newly hired nanny named Xiang quickly checked and said my back part of the head was bleeding, which surprised me. I was taken to the nearest hospital and got stitches in my head. When I came back, Nanny Xiang was crying and three experienced nannies rushed to me and yelled, "Did you know you made the Nanny Xiang cry? " I forgot what they said after that exactly, but it was like if I didn't fall and got hurt, the nanny wouldn't be scared, and they said it in a way like I did it intentionally. Later, when I wanted to shower with my friends, a nanny who was very gentle and friendly with me before the accident, and I'm not sure if she was at the scene, yelled, "If you are going to have another accident, then watch me make your life worse." I laughed it off because it was an accident and she had no need to yell at me. From there, she became a little bit more gentle to me as times went by, but never as gentle as before the accident happened. Nanny Xiang was never gentle to me after the accident nor did she let me did anything that she would consider risky, even just mopping the floor.
Some nannies kept sending the messages that I am different than everybody else. One day when 15 of us were walking quietly to our building from where we were dropping off from school, a nanny suddenly said to me out loud in front of other people, "Alice, did you know that you walked differently from other people?" I was unhappy and simply ignore her question because it was out of the blue for me.
There were other times when I would argue with the nannies about my ability to do things, but they never listen to me since they always thought I’m different. Most of the times they would just told me to go back to watch TV with the other kids. However, one time they had enough with me disagree with them, so a nanny pull me in front of 30 kids and asked, “Is she different from you?” I heard a clear and loud yes. She then asked, “Does she walks differently than you?” The answer was again a clear and loud yes. She was satisfied and looked at me, “see, everybody said so.” Next I was told to go back to the seat and watch TV with other people. I was so unhappy and was not convinced.
The nannies weren’t only one who oppose my ideas. Once there were seven or eight of us were in a room playing with door close. A girl who has delayed problem stood outside and give us a look of wanting to play with us. I saw she was lonely so I suggested people of letting her join us. Many people, including the people who are like her, that has delayed problem, said, "Don't be too soft-hearted." Other people was silence. I didn't have the courage to do more at that times, so I let it be.
Despite the environment I lived in the orphanage, I always tried my best to walk my path without hurting innocent people. I use my own judgments to look at people around me and treated them as they have been treated me or be friendly with them if I didn’t know them. However, not all people does that and the nannies doesn't set a good example either. Sometimes the newly hired nannies would be friendly to us, until they were told by the experience nannies, “Don’t treat the children so nice, for later they would take advantage of you.”
I couldn’t understand why there so much distrust in the children from the nannies. Many times, when the nannies allow us to have fun, we couldn’t enjoy it very long. Yet despite all these things, the nannies told us when we were practice show for the orphanage director, “We love you so much that we will kiss you secretly after you all fallen asleep.” How odd that you announce loudly of something you did secretly? I was unhappy with the comment and now realize that they lies to us. On the night where I fell asleep really late when other people crashed much earlier than me, I never saw the nannies came to kiss us.
Of course, there many more examples of events that never made sense to me, and I will talk them in later posts. These are just some examples that don't exactly fit with any of the post themes that I’m going to write about later.
During one night, the nannies gave permission to two of my friends and I to play in our bedroom while others were watching TV. One of us thought it would be a wonderful idea for us to get the nanny's bed ready as a symbol of gratefulness. We all agreed and started to get the blanket. Suddenly a boy, who the nannies considered to be a good boy and often let him watch over us while the nannies were chatting or doing some other things, came to give us fruit. He saw us and yelled immediately, "What are you doing?" We answered him, and the next thing I remember is that all three of us were told to go back to the TV room instead of playing. For some reason, they saw this as touching people's stuff and were completely ignoring that we were trying to make the nanny happy. We didn't get any positive comments from anybody. I never understood why they did what they did. From there I helped to get the bed ready for people three more times and was scolded two more times. Only once did a person see that I was trying to please people.
I like to help people because I like the feeling of usefulness, but some nannies refused to let me do things because they thought I was incapable, so I started to do things secretly. For example, I started to fill some nannies water bottles with hot water. I was so proud of myself that I told “my friend”. Suprisingly, she focused on the fact that I was doing things that I wasn't approved to do rather than the fact that I was helping people and proving that I could.
The nannies didn't always prevent me from doing things. These things happened after the accident I had in 2009 in a shower. I slipped and my head fell on the pointy edge of a floor that is taller than the rest. It hurt so much and I cried. A newly hired nanny named Xiang quickly checked and said my back part of the head was bleeding, which surprised me. I was taken to the nearest hospital and got stitches in my head. When I came back, Nanny Xiang was crying and three experienced nannies rushed to me and yelled, "Did you know you made the Nanny Xiang cry? " I forgot what they said after that exactly, but it was like if I didn't fall and got hurt, the nanny wouldn't be scared, and they said it in a way like I did it intentionally. Later, when I wanted to shower with my friends, a nanny who was very gentle and friendly with me before the accident, and I'm not sure if she was at the scene, yelled, "If you are going to have another accident, then watch me make your life worse." I laughed it off because it was an accident and she had no need to yell at me. From there, she became a little bit more gentle to me as times went by, but never as gentle as before the accident happened. Nanny Xiang was never gentle to me after the accident nor did she let me did anything that she would consider risky, even just mopping the floor.
Some nannies kept sending the messages that I am different than everybody else. One day when 15 of us were walking quietly to our building from where we were dropping off from school, a nanny suddenly said to me out loud in front of other people, "Alice, did you know that you walked differently from other people?" I was unhappy and simply ignore her question because it was out of the blue for me.
There were other times when I would argue with the nannies about my ability to do things, but they never listen to me since they always thought I’m different. Most of the times they would just told me to go back to watch TV with the other kids. However, one time they had enough with me disagree with them, so a nanny pull me in front of 30 kids and asked, “Is she different from you?” I heard a clear and loud yes. She then asked, “Does she walks differently than you?” The answer was again a clear and loud yes. She was satisfied and looked at me, “see, everybody said so.” Next I was told to go back to the seat and watch TV with other people. I was so unhappy and was not convinced.
The nannies weren’t only one who oppose my ideas. Once there were seven or eight of us were in a room playing with door close. A girl who has delayed problem stood outside and give us a look of wanting to play with us. I saw she was lonely so I suggested people of letting her join us. Many people, including the people who are like her, that has delayed problem, said, "Don't be too soft-hearted." Other people was silence. I didn't have the courage to do more at that times, so I let it be.
Despite the environment I lived in the orphanage, I always tried my best to walk my path without hurting innocent people. I use my own judgments to look at people around me and treated them as they have been treated me or be friendly with them if I didn’t know them. However, not all people does that and the nannies doesn't set a good example either. Sometimes the newly hired nannies would be friendly to us, until they were told by the experience nannies, “Don’t treat the children so nice, for later they would take advantage of you.”
I couldn’t understand why there so much distrust in the children from the nannies. Many times, when the nannies allow us to have fun, we couldn’t enjoy it very long. Yet despite all these things, the nannies told us when we were practice show for the orphanage director, “We love you so much that we will kiss you secretly after you all fallen asleep.” How odd that you announce loudly of something you did secretly? I was unhappy with the comment and now realize that they lies to us. On the night where I fell asleep really late when other people crashed much earlier than me, I never saw the nannies came to kiss us.
Of course, there many more examples of events that never made sense to me, and I will talk them in later posts. These are just some examples that don't exactly fit with any of the post themes that I’m going to write about later.
Saturday, July 15, 2017
Harsh Punishment for Rule Breakers
On the last post I was talking about nannies didn’t have a lot of patience by punished a group of people when a fraction of them broke rules. We didn’t always get group punishment if we broke the rules. Still, there were harsh punishments or criticizes if we broke or has fallen on short of what they wanted.
As I mentioned earlier in other posts, we had to take nap from 11-2, which is 5 hours after waking up time. When I came to the orphanage, the punishment was harsh. You either were being ordered to stay in bed to 3 ~ 3:30, or drink 1 and 1/2 cups of water at once. If you are being ordered to stay in bed at 3, you don't get to eat fruits or goodies that other get to eat. I had extremely hard times to follow the rule because I never had to take a nap before when I lived with my foster family and I disliked the rule, still I did try to follow that rule by staying as late as I can at night. To fill my times, I would talk with others, playing card games with others, and playing by myself. Still, that wasn't an option. We were not allowed to talk past their bedtime, which is usually around 8, and sometimes it was even earlier. For most nannies, we would just get scolded if we talk, but not always. When I first came to the orphanage, a nanny would tell me harshly to put my thick blanket over my head for a long time for just being wide awake, not necessarily doing other stuff. Sometimes I took off because I couldn’t breathe. When she saw that, she ordered me again with to put my thick blanket over my head again. The other nannies didn’t go against her order or asked me if I’m alright. When she was on duty, we couldn't go to the bathroom at all after we went to bed. The other nannies follow her orders very well. I once tried to go to the bathroom without getting caught but failed. The nanny would set the rule got so mad that she kicked me. I got very scared. Still, I never learned how to hold it until the morning. Overtimes, I became less scared and care less about these rules because I did not understand why they make these rules.
Some nannies' rules are so strict that I wasn't a good kid in their eyes, thus they watch us more carefully. For examples, during one night SNN, MWB, and I were talking and got caught by a nanny for many times in a short amount of times, and she exploded after few times. When she left, we criticized her for how has she been treating the kids. In the morning, she was still mad at us. When SNN and MWB left, she told me, "You are so bold (by not following my rules) ... You don't deserve my pity care for you." I thought, "I don't need you pity care for me anyway." She never put a lot of times on me anyway. Another way for them to show their view of me is when they and I saw a kid who never rebel, they would say to me something like, “he/she is a good kid. A good kid is always a good kid.” In other words, I’m bad kid in their eyes because I don’t always do what they follow.
Another strict rule that was set during 2008- late 2011 was we must be silence most of the times during the day. One time is nanny warned us we must drink 1½ cups of water if we talked. I immediately warned the other kids, thus I talked, but only a sentence. She got mad and punished me. I thought that was way over done because I only talked for a few seconds, but nobody said anything against her.
When the supervisor was on duty during the weekday, we must drink 1/2 cups of water every half hours because she thinks drinking water is very important. This made me go to the bathroom every 5-10 minutes. The nannies, who didn't have to drink that much water, for some reason questioned what was wrong with me.
When we at school, each of us must carry 24 oz. of water to school and be finished before we came to the orphanage. One day, when the nannies to check our water bottle, they found that GYC's water bottle was full. Everybody knows that GYC is very well behaved and rarely argue with nannies. The kids also know that she had refilled the water bottle when she finished drinking it. The nannies for some reason didn't even look surprised nor did they asked GYC why it wasn't empty, instead, she was ordered to finish the water in her bottle all at once so the supervisors could go home.
Nannies sometimes will use violence to make us behave. One time, a kid kept talking, they lost patience and throw their shoes at that kids. Other times during the night, when I was talking, a nanny slapped my face and told me to go to sleep. I was very surprised that she did that because she usually was very gentle to us.
It’s hard for most of the children to have a great or close bond with the nannies. If they mess up a little bit, the nannies snap at them hard. Most of the children are afraid to speak up against the nannies, so the children who got nannies mad didn’t get the comfort they need. Most of the times the children and other nannies would join the nannies who snap at the children. Overtime, I noticed many children in my area are being looked down at by other people when I couldn’t see the horrible things about them. I made friends with some of them and now I’m glad to know them! Unfortunately, I didn’t comfort all of them and there are still hundreds, maybe thousands, of children who are being beat up and look down at.
As I mentioned earlier in other posts, we had to take nap from 11-2, which is 5 hours after waking up time. When I came to the orphanage, the punishment was harsh. You either were being ordered to stay in bed to 3 ~ 3:30, or drink 1 and 1/2 cups of water at once. If you are being ordered to stay in bed at 3, you don't get to eat fruits or goodies that other get to eat. I had extremely hard times to follow the rule because I never had to take a nap before when I lived with my foster family and I disliked the rule, still I did try to follow that rule by staying as late as I can at night. To fill my times, I would talk with others, playing card games with others, and playing by myself. Still, that wasn't an option. We were not allowed to talk past their bedtime, which is usually around 8, and sometimes it was even earlier. For most nannies, we would just get scolded if we talk, but not always. When I first came to the orphanage, a nanny would tell me harshly to put my thick blanket over my head for a long time for just being wide awake, not necessarily doing other stuff. Sometimes I took off because I couldn’t breathe. When she saw that, she ordered me again with to put my thick blanket over my head again. The other nannies didn’t go against her order or asked me if I’m alright. When she was on duty, we couldn't go to the bathroom at all after we went to bed. The other nannies follow her orders very well. I once tried to go to the bathroom without getting caught but failed. The nanny would set the rule got so mad that she kicked me. I got very scared. Still, I never learned how to hold it until the morning. Overtimes, I became less scared and care less about these rules because I did not understand why they make these rules.
Some nannies' rules are so strict that I wasn't a good kid in their eyes, thus they watch us more carefully. For examples, during one night SNN, MWB, and I were talking and got caught by a nanny for many times in a short amount of times, and she exploded after few times. When she left, we criticized her for how has she been treating the kids. In the morning, she was still mad at us. When SNN and MWB left, she told me, "You are so bold (by not following my rules) ... You don't deserve my pity care for you." I thought, "I don't need you pity care for me anyway." She never put a lot of times on me anyway. Another way for them to show their view of me is when they and I saw a kid who never rebel, they would say to me something like, “he/she is a good kid. A good kid is always a good kid.” In other words, I’m bad kid in their eyes because I don’t always do what they follow.
Another strict rule that was set during 2008- late 2011 was we must be silence most of the times during the day. One time is nanny warned us we must drink 1½ cups of water if we talked. I immediately warned the other kids, thus I talked, but only a sentence. She got mad and punished me. I thought that was way over done because I only talked for a few seconds, but nobody said anything against her.
When the supervisor was on duty during the weekday, we must drink 1/2 cups of water every half hours because she thinks drinking water is very important. This made me go to the bathroom every 5-10 minutes. The nannies, who didn't have to drink that much water, for some reason questioned what was wrong with me.
When we at school, each of us must carry 24 oz. of water to school and be finished before we came to the orphanage. One day, when the nannies to check our water bottle, they found that GYC's water bottle was full. Everybody knows that GYC is very well behaved and rarely argue with nannies. The kids also know that she had refilled the water bottle when she finished drinking it. The nannies for some reason didn't even look surprised nor did they asked GYC why it wasn't empty, instead, she was ordered to finish the water in her bottle all at once so the supervisors could go home.
Nannies sometimes will use violence to make us behave. One time, a kid kept talking, they lost patience and throw their shoes at that kids. Other times during the night, when I was talking, a nanny slapped my face and told me to go to sleep. I was very surprised that she did that because she usually was very gentle to us.
It’s hard for most of the children to have a great or close bond with the nannies. If they mess up a little bit, the nannies snap at them hard. Most of the children are afraid to speak up against the nannies, so the children who got nannies mad didn’t get the comfort they need. Most of the times the children and other nannies would join the nannies who snap at the children. Overtime, I noticed many children in my area are being looked down at by other people when I couldn’t see the horrible things about them. I made friends with some of them and now I’m glad to know them! Unfortunately, I didn’t comfort all of them and there are still hundreds, maybe thousands, of children who are being beat up and look down at.
Thursday, June 15, 2017
Unfair Punishment For Innocent Children
We have been receiving punishments as a group many times in the orphanage, and often we don’t know what we did wrong. Often times the whole group would get punished because a few kids messed up.
One time four or five nannies took 20 of us to a big inside area to play after supper. After a short while, I saw two of the oldest boys get into a fight and two nannies were trying to stop them. I don’t know how long it had been going on, but after watching a minute, one of the nannies ran out of patience and ordered all of us to stop playing and go to the TV room to watch TV because of the fight between the two boys.
One night a group of kids, who were aged 8-13, were supposed to take medicines in a powdered form. They were told to go to another room and get water from a dispenser to dilute their medicines. A boy, who often got in trouble, put his medicine into the water dispenser and a couple of kids copied him. A nanny figured out what was going on ordered all of the kids in that group to go to bed right away, which was 30-60 minutes earlier than our usual bedtimes.
During a winter evening, some kids were playing outside while I was told to stay inside and watch because of my disability. Though I disagreed, I still obeyed them. An hour later, a small group of kids, who were far from where other kids were playing, were goofing off. A nanny went out and checked what was going on. The next thing I knew we were being sent back inside because she had fallen and being told to stand for a few minutes. While we were standing, another nanny blamed all 20-30 of us for the fall and told us we had ruined the wonderful treatments that the injured nanny had given us. For the rest of evening, the nannies told us to be silent and we were sent to bed not long after that.
We often were forced to watching TV and sit there and be quiet for long periods of time during the first three years of my life in the orphanage. Sometimes we couldn’t stay silent and would start talking. One morning we were talking for about an hour and it was time for the nannies to go off work and another crew of nannies to come in. They talked about our misbehavior, and then a nanny turns off the TV and pulls a chair in front of us and criticized, "I often give fair treatments, but you have taken advantage of me and bullied me." Then she just sat there and ordered us to be silent while she shed tears. I sat there and was puzzled: why does she need to make such big fuss about it. What wonderful treatment had they given us that we should feel so thankful? What did we do that deserved an hour of silence or ruin the wonderful treatment? Are we that horrible? Or are they just trying to make themselves look good?
You will think this way of educated kids would be the same on the positive behavior. It was similar, except it was much more rare. Often, the rewards for positive behavior only went to individuals. They would go off somewhere and play with no nannies around while others had to do the same boring things. Still, as a whole, we often got the message that we weren’t good kids, and sometimes they held up one or two kids as an example of a good kid in their eyes. These were the kids who very rarely rebelled against them. I can hardly remember a time when the nannies praised us as a group and said that we were wonderful kids.
I wonder if the nannies had any idea of what they had signed up for. I think they thought that watching kids would be a very easy job. I don't think they were prepared with a lot of patience. A lot of nannies either were texting or talking to other nannies when they supposed to be paying attention to us. Sometimes they had a bit more patience, but it only lasted about an hour. It's a shame that while all these problems were going on, a sign in front of our orphanage says, "Everything is for the children. The children come first."
One time four or five nannies took 20 of us to a big inside area to play after supper. After a short while, I saw two of the oldest boys get into a fight and two nannies were trying to stop them. I don’t know how long it had been going on, but after watching a minute, one of the nannies ran out of patience and ordered all of us to stop playing and go to the TV room to watch TV because of the fight between the two boys.
One night a group of kids, who were aged 8-13, were supposed to take medicines in a powdered form. They were told to go to another room and get water from a dispenser to dilute their medicines. A boy, who often got in trouble, put his medicine into the water dispenser and a couple of kids copied him. A nanny figured out what was going on ordered all of the kids in that group to go to bed right away, which was 30-60 minutes earlier than our usual bedtimes.
During a winter evening, some kids were playing outside while I was told to stay inside and watch because of my disability. Though I disagreed, I still obeyed them. An hour later, a small group of kids, who were far from where other kids were playing, were goofing off. A nanny went out and checked what was going on. The next thing I knew we were being sent back inside because she had fallen and being told to stand for a few minutes. While we were standing, another nanny blamed all 20-30 of us for the fall and told us we had ruined the wonderful treatments that the injured nanny had given us. For the rest of evening, the nannies told us to be silent and we were sent to bed not long after that.
We often were forced to watching TV and sit there and be quiet for long periods of time during the first three years of my life in the orphanage. Sometimes we couldn’t stay silent and would start talking. One morning we were talking for about an hour and it was time for the nannies to go off work and another crew of nannies to come in. They talked about our misbehavior, and then a nanny turns off the TV and pulls a chair in front of us and criticized, "I often give fair treatments, but you have taken advantage of me and bullied me." Then she just sat there and ordered us to be silent while she shed tears. I sat there and was puzzled: why does she need to make such big fuss about it. What wonderful treatment had they given us that we should feel so thankful? What did we do that deserved an hour of silence or ruin the wonderful treatment? Are we that horrible? Or are they just trying to make themselves look good?
You will think this way of educated kids would be the same on the positive behavior. It was similar, except it was much more rare. Often, the rewards for positive behavior only went to individuals. They would go off somewhere and play with no nannies around while others had to do the same boring things. Still, as a whole, we often got the message that we weren’t good kids, and sometimes they held up one or two kids as an example of a good kid in their eyes. These were the kids who very rarely rebelled against them. I can hardly remember a time when the nannies praised us as a group and said that we were wonderful kids.
I wonder if the nannies had any idea of what they had signed up for. I think they thought that watching kids would be a very easy job. I don't think they were prepared with a lot of patience. A lot of nannies either were texting or talking to other nannies when they supposed to be paying attention to us. Sometimes they had a bit more patience, but it only lasted about an hour. It's a shame that while all these problems were going on, a sign in front of our orphanage says, "Everything is for the children. The children come first."
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
How the Orphanage Caregivers Did Their Job
When I lived in the orphanage, it seemed like a lot of nannies
didn't like their job very much. Most of the times they just talked to each
other and made us to sit in the living room to watch TV the whole day.
Sometimes when they eat, they would say to us, "If you behave, then you
could play when we finished eating." We would sit there. One hour passed,
they were talking and we were still watching TV. Sometimes a kid asked, "When we will play?" They
answered, "later." Then we would keep asking because they were still talking. Then when they was unbearable of the question, they answered, "you weren't behaving, so you can't play." How could they answered like that! They were just making
an excuse so we couldn't play! That is how they wasted my times many days when
I lived in the orphanage.
Another way to waste our time and letting them to relax was to
make us to sleep. We would go to bed at 7 and wake up at 6. Then we would take
a nap that is from 11 to 1, 2, or 3 o'clock. I wouldn't take nap when I
came there from my foster family, and the nannies would punish me harshly. One
time they made me to drink water to the point that I threw up. I shed a few tears but I didn't
regret. I wasn't tired at all, why should I go to sleep then? The nannies never
said sorry for it.
Many things the nannies should've say sorry but didn't. Many times
it's their fault but they made it looks like it's our fault. One time there was
a rumor that a person stole something. They thought it was a boy, but he said
no, and to me it looked like that he told the truth. But then Sister Zheng (if a
caregiver is under 30, we called sister or brother) forced him to say he stole it. If he doesn't admit, then he will
stand until he admits. He was persisted in for a long time, about an hour.
Later he couldn't hold it any longer, so he told Sister Zheng what she wanted
to hear. Sister Zhang then immediately criticized him for not
standing up for what he wanted to say, but what other want him to say. She asked him why he admitted that he stole things. I thought that was so unfair.
If I asked her why she did what she did at that time, she would probably say,
"I am trying to teach him that no matter what, he needs to be honest, not
said what other want him to say."
The nannies always said, "Hit is caring, scolding (more like
insults or heavy scolding) is love, and all the things we are doing is for your
goods." One time Sister Ding gave my best friend, SNN, and I the nickname
princess because we always complained about things, though on different subject.
I disliked the nickname very much but she wasn’t bothered much by it. One
reason was that from the TV shows that I watched, the princess need or let
people do everything for her. I hated the idea because I don’t need people to
do things for me. I wanted to be independent. Second reason was my complaints
were reasonable. It’s true that they underestimated me. To me that was stand up
for what you believe in, not a princess complaint. Sometimes I complained they
gave me boy's clothes, which was true. They only looked at the size when they
gave me clothes, not whether if it looks good on me or not. I always was so
bother by it when they called me that nickname and I always said, "I am
not a princess!" Then that Sister Ding would say, "see, if you don't
reply, then we won't call you anymore anyway." I was so unhappy. It is not
right to give people's nickname, why tell me to just go along with it. Now I
thought about it, that Sister Ding did this to make me be silent, not to make
noise. When I told other nannies that “Sister Ding” bullied me by gave me a
nickname, they ignore me completely.
When it comes the question whether the nanny is right or us, 99%
of the time the other nannies would support that nanny, even if they are wrong.
During one night, around 8 or 9 when we suppose to sleep, SNN, another girl,
and I were talking. We were being careful not to caught by Nanny Bai that were
working. She hated me and my best friend from when she met each of us and she
is very biased to the boys. Either of us can’t do anything that could please
her. She finally caught us talking and scold us. My best friend got mad and
said bad things about her, which is true. She did many things that we think she
was not supposed to do. I now forgot what her list were, but I added to her
list of she often used unclean word. The other girl join with us. The next day,
that girl told Nanny Bai what we said because Nanny Bai was scolding her. The
supervisor of our area (which has about 30 kids) got the news and told all the
children who got the news it’s none of their business and told SNN gently next
time don’t say such things. The next time when Nanny Bai saw us, the supervisor
wasn’t there. She scolds us and asked us harshly about when did she did the
wrong thing. We all were silent by the harsh tone. We said sorry and then left.
Not soon after that, SNN and I got in trouble with her for other things, even
on the last week of my time in the orphanage because we were playing “out of
the control.”
That night we and that girl who I mention last paragraph were
showering from Nanny Bai’s permission. That girl was in the mood of playing, so
we splash water a lot, and opps splash the water on her when she came in. She
got so mad and she told us that I was lucky to leave the orphanage soon, but
that girl and SNN aren’t as lucky. I felt bad that they won’t get out of the
trouble. Now I looked back and thought that she has no reason to be mad at us
because for one, she didn’t get a lot of water on her clothes. Second reason was
that we didn’t do on purposely. Why can’t we have fun? Why can’t we have opps?
Many nannies got frustrate with me because I liked to play and do
stuff just like the other kids would. After the accident happen in 2009, they
always limit me doing things. I would break their rule and sometimes got hurt,
but only a little bit. They always scold me saying somethings like, “you never
learn lesson. Don’t you realize that you are different from other people, that
you can’t do stuff!” True, I didn’t learn that lesson, and the reason for that
was it wasn’t true! I did accomplish things before I had accidents. I tried to
sound it wasn’t big of deal that I had accident, but they refused to listen to
me the minuet the saw I had accident and won’t accept that they are wrong.
Many times, the nannies would think themselves as perfect, because
they always said something like, "I am adult, how come you don't respect
me." Every day in the orphanage I always argued with the nannies that I
actually could do a lot of stuff, and because of that, they said, "Alice,
you are good at everything except your temper." The way I thought at that
time was that I has the best temper in the world because the people around me
had worse temper than me.
Many time I didn't look up to the nannies, I thought their heart
weren't very kind. They look like they don't like to take care us so much. If
you guys don't like, then why you became a nanny!
From that thought, I noticed somethings that the nannies don’t.
Sometime the nannies would be so lazy that they let the bossy kids to watch
over us. I never like it, why should my peer rule over me? The kids who get
that permission often got special way, like they didn’t have to sit and watch
TV, they didn’t have to sleep as much, they could complaint against the nannies
and they would listen to them. They often are just 2 or 3 years older than me.
Why they could do those special things? Through this they become more bossy and
mean, but the nannies didn’t know it, or they didn’t care. One of the them, who
was a guy, tried to abuse my friends and me. Lucky for me that the Sister Ding
called me when he tried to abuse me, but I didn’t trust her enough and was
scare that I didn’t tell her about that guy. However, he also did other not so
good things. Despite of his action, they thought he is a good kid. One time one
of the nanny told a boy, who I mentioned at the begin, that he has a kind heart
because he “agree” with her for somethings because he was tired of listening to
her. She didn’t see that. Did she know it that this boy has bullied me and
other kids ever since I met him? If the answer is yes, then why she says such
of thing? The nannies need to have sharper eyes, because many kids never get
the protection they need, and my friends and I was one of them.
As matter of fact my life is good compare to other orphans. I
lived in the capital of China, where the government could visit more often,
although the orphanage would often put a show for it and show how “good” our
orphanage is and the government didn’t check carefully. My supervisor was the
top one out of my orphanage, she watches us closer than others in the orphanage.
I couldn’t believe the fact while I was force to drank 4oz of water every half
hour to an hour during a week day that we don’t have school, a girl who has
bathroom problem in another floor almost died from a kidney problem because she
won’t drink water because the nanny won’t change her diaper, and the nannies in
that area didn’t care if she drinks water or not! I know one family who adopted
11 kids. The kids’ lives in the orphanages was worse than mine. When they
adopting one of kids, that kid only would get close to the dad because he was
so scare of the nannies. Another kid of theirs wrote a post about how her
nannies cared her:
I wanted to thank God that he gave me a good foster family the
first 8 years of my life. They gave a good example of parenting. They allow me
to do chore, sometimes I could do without their permission. They told me that I
was smart. They made me felt that I could do anything I set my mind to. They
didn’t over protect nor under watch me. If I didn't start my life with them,
then I wouldn’t notice the nannies are wrong. I wouldn’t have the courage to
stand up against them, which is one thing that I am proud of myself. I wouldn’t
have the confidence, courage, and energy to fight them when nobody stood behind
me. I am so lucky and blessed! However, 99% of orphans aren't that lucky or
blessed! Many of them don’t have the confidence, courage, or energy to fight. In
fact, Some of them probably are finding ways to end their life!
Saturday, August 20, 2016
Dear Non-Disabled People:
亲爱的非残疾人：
我是一个残疾人。从小到现在，好多人看我是残疾就想保护我，问我需不需要帮助。有时候我说不需要。有时候即使我回答了好几遍他们还是一问再问。有时候别人根本就不问我需不需要帮助就替我做。很多时候我就认为他们这样做是因为我是残疾，不能做事儿。我不应该每次这样认为。我应该每次问问他们为什么这样做。我会尽量改变这个毛病的，不过这个毛病是很难改的。但是读者们，你们也要改改几件事儿。
每个人做的事就像是一幅画。当要画一幅画的时候，你得需要很多的颜色。不同的颜色就像是不同的身体部分。身体部分们得合作起来做好一件事儿。缺了一部分或一部分做的不好就像是缺了一种颜色或有一种颜色比别的颜色要少。哪部分做的越好，哪种颜色就越多。当你每天练习你的技术的时候，你就在你的颜色盒里面加颜色因为你再把你那不身体部分增加力量。每一个人颜色盒里面颜色的数量都是不一样的。我们残疾人失去了几种颜色，但这不证明我们颜色盒的重量比那些没有残疾人的颜色盒要少呀。我们可以有更多其他的颜色去代替我们失去的颜色然后做那些失去颜色和他们自己的任务。比如那些身体残疾的人，他们缺少的颜色不是最重要的颜色。比如说盲人他们的眼睛视力没有其他人的视力那么好，我就说他们失去的颜色是绿色吧。并不是每幅画都需要绿色的。在他们不需要绿色的时候他们可以轻轻松松用其他的颜色。如果他们需要绿色的时候，他们可以用黄色和蓝色画出绿色。就像比如他们在炒菜的时候，他们得知道什么时候那锅菜炒熟了。一般看见的人会只看看就行了。可是盲人看不见或他们看见的不好。那怎么办呀？就像刚才我说把黄色和蓝色画出绿色，盲人可以用耳朵，鼻子，和炒饭的铲子查查菜是不是熟了。我有脑瘫，说不定我少了几种颜色，但都是不是最重要的颜色。我也能用最重要的颜色弄出一副漂亮的画。
脑子残疾的人缺的颜色可能是一种最重要的颜色，他们画的画会比别人要简单一点，但他们还能画画。有些脑子残疾人颜色盒的重量可能跟别人一样多，只不过他们的每种颜色的重量是不一样的。说不定他们有一种颜色的重量别人的要多。
有的时候我们残疾人得有一个工具帮助我们。我写字写的不快，我一般在课上用电脑打字。盲人看不到，他们用盲杖或盲人狗当他们的眼睛。走路不好的人或不能走路的人用拐杖或轮椅帮他们行动，等等。我们不需要太多的帮助，只要那些工具，我们就没事儿了。其他的东西请你们不要担心。如果我们需要帮助的话，我们会问的。我想让你们就看着我们是怎么自理的。不要害怕。要对我们有信心呀！
有一天我听见了一个盲人说：“看见的人小看盲人是因为他们害怕没有视力的世界。” 这跟其他东西一样，有的非残疾人没有经常见过残疾人，说不定当他们见到了残疾人的时候在想如果他们是残疾的话，那会怎么样？当他们想这个的时候，他们就会害怕。他们就觉得自己会需要帮助，所以他们一见到残疾人就帮助他们。其实如果你想的话，残疾人只是几部分的身体工作的不怎么好，他们可以用其他部分的身体做事儿。世界上没有一个人什么事儿都不能做。如果有的话，那他就是死人。我听妈妈说有一个很高明的科学家是一个有麻痹的人。如果你看看你的周围，你就会看到有好多好多聪明或者和能干的残疾人。
如果你看见别人对残疾人太有帮助的时候，无论你在哪里，请教育教育他们。这样世界慢慢着就知道残疾人其实也能做事儿的。
现在有的国家大多数的孤儿都是残疾。我的国家中国可能有一千万孤儿，98%的孤儿是残疾。这是很严重的！如果我们能帮助中国人和其他国家的人相信残疾人能做事儿的话，那就没有那么多的孩子被抛弃了。
其实，残疾人跟别人一样，因为每个人都是不一样。每个人都用不同的方法去画画。如果用你的真心去看，你就会发现你自己眼睛没有发现的事情。李小龙说过一句话：“即使我们有一双眼睛，大多数的人并不真的是“看到”世界的。”
我希望你们能懂我这一页的博客，如果不懂的话，留下一个评论，我会很努力的给你们再解释一遍！
I have a disability. From when I was little till now, people wanted to protect me and asked me if I needed help when they saw that I have a disability. Sometimes I said no. Sometimes they asked me over and over even though I kept saying no. Sometimes people don't even ask me if I need help before they help me. Often I thought the reason that they did that is because I have a disability and they think I can't do stuff. I shouldn't think that. I should ask them why they did that. I will try my best to change that bad habit. However, readers, you all need to change some habit too.
Every person's work is like a picture. You have to have a lot of different colors to draw a picture. Different colors are like different organs. Organs have to work together to accomplish a task well. If you are missing an organ or one of your organs doesn't work very well, then you lost a color or the color isn't useful to work to their best to draw the picture. Which body part did the best, then that color will have the most. When you practice your technique everyday, you are adding color to your color box since one of your body parts is building strength. We, people with disabilities, may lose some colors, but that doesn't means that our color box weights less than other people. We could use other color to replace the missing color and do their and themselves' job. For people with physical disabilities, the color they are missing in a non-primary color. For example, blind people's sight isn't as good as other people, let me just said that their missing color is green. Not all pictures need green. They can easily use other color when they don't need green. If they do need green, they could use yellow and blue to draw green. For example, blind people need to know if the dish is done when they are cooking. Usually sighted people will just use their eyes to see it. However, blind people can't see or their sight isn't good. What now? Like I just said that they could use yellow and blue to draw green, blind people could use ear, nose, and spatula to tell if the dish is cooked. I have Cerebral Palsy; maybe I lost couple colors, but none of those are primary colors. I could primary colors to draw a beautiful picture too.
People with mental disabilities maybe lost one primary color, their picture will be simpler than other, but they still could draw. Some people with mental disabilities' color box weights the same as other people, only not all the colors are even out. Maybe one of their colors is more than the other people.
Sometimes we need a tool to help us. I don't write fast, usually type during class. Blind people can't see, they use cane and guide dog like their eyes. People have hard time walk or they can't walk use crutches or wheelchair to help them move, and etc. We don't need too much help, just those tool and we are set. You don't need to worry about other things. We will ask for help if we need to. I want to you to see how we become independent. Don't be scared. Have faith in us!
One time I hear a blind person said, "Sighted people underestimate blind people is because they are scare of a world without vision." This is same as other stuff, some non-disabilities people don't see people with disabilities often, and maybe they will imagine how will they live if they have disabilities when they see people disabilities. When they think, they would get scare. They think they need help, so they will help them when they see people with disabilities. However, if you really think about it, only a few body parts of people with disabilities doesn't work properly, they could use other body parts to do tasks. There is no one in the world can't do a single thing. If there are, then they are dead. I hear mom said that there is a brilliant scientist that is paralysis. If you look around, you will see many people with disabilities that are smart and independent.
If you see other people being too helpful to a person with disabilities, no matter where, please education them. Then the world would slowly know that people with disabilities actually could do tasks.
Right now some of the countries' major orphans are disable. My country, China, maybe have a million orphans, 98% of then are disable. That is serious! If we could help Chinese and other countries' citizens believe people with disabilities can do tasks, then maybe not many orphans will be abandon.
Actually, people with disabilities are same as other people, because everyone is different. Everybody draw picture differently. Use your heart to see, you will notice the stuff that your eyes can't see. Bruce Lee had a quote: "Though we possess a pair of eyes, most of us do not really 'see' in the true sense of the word."
I hope you guys could understand my post, if you don't, leave a comment, I will try my best to explain to you.
我是一个残疾人。从小到现在，好多人看我是残疾就想保护我，问我需不需要帮助。有时候我说不需要。有时候即使我回答了好几遍他们还是一问再问。有时候别人根本就不问我需不需要帮助就替我做。很多时候我就认为他们这样做是因为我是残疾，不能做事儿。我不应该每次这样认为。我应该每次问问他们为什么这样做。我会尽量改变这个毛病的，不过这个毛病是很难改的。但是读者们，你们也要改改几件事儿。
每个人做的事就像是一幅画。当要画一幅画的时候，你得需要很多的颜色。不同的颜色就像是不同的身体部分。身体部分们得合作起来做好一件事儿。缺了一部分或一部分做的不好就像是缺了一种颜色或有一种颜色比别的颜色要少。哪部分做的越好，哪种颜色就越多。当你每天练习你的技术的时候，你就在你的颜色盒里面加颜色因为你再把你那不身体部分增加力量。每一个人颜色盒里面颜色的数量都是不一样的。我们残疾人失去了几种颜色，但这不证明我们颜色盒的重量比那些没有残疾人的颜色盒要少呀。我们可以有更多其他的颜色去代替我们失去的颜色然后做那些失去颜色和他们自己的任务。比如那些身体残疾的人，他们缺少的颜色不是最重要的颜色。比如说盲人他们的眼睛视力没有其他人的视力那么好，我就说他们失去的颜色是绿色吧。并不是每幅画都需要绿色的。在他们不需要绿色的时候他们可以轻轻松松用其他的颜色。如果他们需要绿色的时候，他们可以用黄色和蓝色画出绿色。就像比如他们在炒菜的时候，他们得知道什么时候那锅菜炒熟了。一般看见的人会只看看就行了。可是盲人看不见或他们看见的不好。那怎么办呀？就像刚才我说把黄色和蓝色画出绿色，盲人可以用耳朵，鼻子，和炒饭的铲子查查菜是不是熟了。我有脑瘫，说不定我少了几种颜色，但都是不是最重要的颜色。我也能用最重要的颜色弄出一副漂亮的画。
脑子残疾的人缺的颜色可能是一种最重要的颜色，他们画的画会比别人要简单一点，但他们还能画画。有些脑子残疾人颜色盒的重量可能跟别人一样多，只不过他们的每种颜色的重量是不一样的。说不定他们有一种颜色的重量别人的要多。
有的时候我们残疾人得有一个工具帮助我们。我写字写的不快，我一般在课上用电脑打字。盲人看不到，他们用盲杖或盲人狗当他们的眼睛。走路不好的人或不能走路的人用拐杖或轮椅帮他们行动，等等。我们不需要太多的帮助，只要那些工具，我们就没事儿了。其他的东西请你们不要担心。如果我们需要帮助的话，我们会问的。我想让你们就看着我们是怎么自理的。不要害怕。要对我们有信心呀！
有一天我听见了一个盲人说：“看见的人小看盲人是因为他们害怕没有视力的世界。” 这跟其他东西一样，有的非残疾人没有经常见过残疾人，说不定当他们见到了残疾人的时候在想如果他们是残疾的话，那会怎么样？当他们想这个的时候，他们就会害怕。他们就觉得自己会需要帮助，所以他们一见到残疾人就帮助他们。其实如果你想的话，残疾人只是几部分的身体工作的不怎么好，他们可以用其他部分的身体做事儿。世界上没有一个人什么事儿都不能做。如果有的话，那他就是死人。我听妈妈说有一个很高明的科学家是一个有麻痹的人。如果你看看你的周围，你就会看到有好多好多聪明或者和能干的残疾人。
如果你看见别人对残疾人太有帮助的时候，无论你在哪里，请教育教育他们。这样世界慢慢着就知道残疾人其实也能做事儿的。
现在有的国家大多数的孤儿都是残疾。我的国家中国可能有一千万孤儿，98%的孤儿是残疾。这是很严重的！如果我们能帮助中国人和其他国家的人相信残疾人能做事儿的话，那就没有那么多的孩子被抛弃了。
其实，残疾人跟别人一样，因为每个人都是不一样。每个人都用不同的方法去画画。如果用你的真心去看，你就会发现你自己眼睛没有发现的事情。李小龙说过一句话：“即使我们有一双眼睛，大多数的人并不真的是“看到”世界的。”
我希望你们能懂我这一页的博客，如果不懂的话，留下一个评论，我会很努力的给你们再解释一遍！
I have a disability. From when I was little till now, people wanted to protect me and asked me if I needed help when they saw that I have a disability. Sometimes I said no. Sometimes they asked me over and over even though I kept saying no. Sometimes people don't even ask me if I need help before they help me. Often I thought the reason that they did that is because I have a disability and they think I can't do stuff. I shouldn't think that. I should ask them why they did that. I will try my best to change that bad habit. However, readers, you all need to change some habit too.
Every person's work is like a picture. You have to have a lot of different colors to draw a picture. Different colors are like different organs. Organs have to work together to accomplish a task well. If you are missing an organ or one of your organs doesn't work very well, then you lost a color or the color isn't useful to work to their best to draw the picture. Which body part did the best, then that color will have the most. When you practice your technique everyday, you are adding color to your color box since one of your body parts is building strength. We, people with disabilities, may lose some colors, but that doesn't means that our color box weights less than other people. We could use other color to replace the missing color and do their and themselves' job. For people with physical disabilities, the color they are missing in a non-primary color. For example, blind people's sight isn't as good as other people, let me just said that their missing color is green. Not all pictures need green. They can easily use other color when they don't need green. If they do need green, they could use yellow and blue to draw green. For example, blind people need to know if the dish is done when they are cooking. Usually sighted people will just use their eyes to see it. However, blind people can't see or their sight isn't good. What now? Like I just said that they could use yellow and blue to draw green, blind people could use ear, nose, and spatula to tell if the dish is cooked. I have Cerebral Palsy; maybe I lost couple colors, but none of those are primary colors. I could primary colors to draw a beautiful picture too.
People with mental disabilities maybe lost one primary color, their picture will be simpler than other, but they still could draw. Some people with mental disabilities' color box weights the same as other people, only not all the colors are even out. Maybe one of their colors is more than the other people.
Sometimes we need a tool to help us. I don't write fast, usually type during class. Blind people can't see, they use cane and guide dog like their eyes. People have hard time walk or they can't walk use crutches or wheelchair to help them move, and etc. We don't need too much help, just those tool and we are set. You don't need to worry about other things. We will ask for help if we need to. I want to you to see how we become independent. Don't be scared. Have faith in us!
One time I hear a blind person said, "Sighted people underestimate blind people is because they are scare of a world without vision." This is same as other stuff, some non-disabilities people don't see people with disabilities often, and maybe they will imagine how will they live if they have disabilities when they see people disabilities. When they think, they would get scare. They think they need help, so they will help them when they see people with disabilities. However, if you really think about it, only a few body parts of people with disabilities doesn't work properly, they could use other body parts to do tasks. There is no one in the world can't do a single thing. If there are, then they are dead. I hear mom said that there is a brilliant scientist that is paralysis. If you look around, you will see many people with disabilities that are smart and independent.
If you see other people being too helpful to a person with disabilities, no matter where, please education them. Then the world would slowly know that people with disabilities actually could do tasks.
Right now some of the countries' major orphans are disable. My country, China, maybe have a million orphans, 98% of then are disable. That is serious! If we could help Chinese and other countries' citizens believe people with disabilities can do tasks, then maybe not many orphans will be abandon.
Actually, people with disabilities are same as other people, because everyone is different. Everybody draw picture differently. Use your heart to see, you will notice the stuff that your eyes can't see. Bruce Lee had a quote: "Though we possess a pair of eyes, most of us do not really 'see' in the true sense of the word."
I hope you guys could understand my post, if you don't, leave a comment, I will try my best to explain to you.
Monday, August 1, 2016
Things That Shoudn't be Done to Orphans and Newly Adopted Kids
不应该对孤儿和有新家的孩子做的事儿
不应该对孤儿做的事儿：
1. “叫我妈妈”或“叫她妈妈”
有一次在新年的时候，我们孩子们给阿姨和福利院办公室的阿姨表演节目。我们那时候有两个院长，一男一女。那个男的院长是新的。我那时候觉得院长叔叔好像要接替院长阿姨，但我也不太清楚。我们区长李阿姨告诉我们一会等院长阿姨和院长叔叔来的时候，我们孩子们得跟他们说：“院长妈妈新年好，院长爸爸新年好！” 我那时候没听。我反而叫他们阿姨和叔叔。他们又不是我的爸爸妈妈，我为什么要叫他们爸爸妈妈？而且他们又不跟我说话，说不定他们还不认识我呢！真正的爸爸妈妈是跟你说话的也认识你的，他们会每天看你问你好。我就是觉得阿姨们根本就没有权利随随便便告诉孤儿们叫别人爸爸妈妈。阿姨们应该让孤儿自己来做主。我在福利院四年只管两个阿姨叫过妈妈。这两个阿姨我都很喜欢。一个阿姨叫我叫她的，另一个阿姨是我问她的。现在我不叫她们妈妈了因为我有了美国“真正”妈妈，况且自从我离开了我寄养家庭之后，让我叫别人妈妈倒是挺有点变扭的。
2. “你应该怪你的父母把你跟扔了，他们那么狠！”
我觉得很少的孤儿在中国知道他们的父母放弃他们的原因。是的，他们有原因生他们亲生父母的气。但是，大人的任务应该是教孩子们怎么原谅他们的亲生父母。鼓励孩子们试着想想他们亲生父母选择的原因，然后长大后试着停止父母抛弃孩子。我觉得我亲生父母抛弃我的原因是因为我有残疾。他们觉得医生得治我，不然我就没有好生活，但他们没钱。我是气他们没有残疾人能做什么事儿的信心。但是现在也是时间让我自己原谅他们。我长大会给全世界看不管你有多残疾，只要你信心，只要你努力去做而且不放弃，那你做任何你想做的事儿，只是我们做的方法跟你们不一样而已。以后我会写一个关于残疾人的事儿。
3. “怪不得你爸妈扔了你”
有时候当孤儿做了让阿姨们或其他人生气的事儿，他们就会骂他们。有的时候大人就会用这句话骂他们。这件事儿从来都没有发生在我身上。但是，孤儿一般都是在他们小婴儿的时候被抛弃的。小婴儿能做什么严重的事儿让他们值得被抛弃？一件事儿都没有！孤儿跟其他人一样，只是他们的父母放弃了他们。而且根本就不是他们的错！
不应该对最近被收养的孩子做的事儿：
1. “你可真幸运呀！”
我不知道为什么别人会对最近被收养的孩子说这个。或许他们的意思是对于孤儿来说，被收养比一生都要当孤儿要好。这个想法我倒是同意。但或许你们不知道，让孩子们放弃一切东西去跟一个陌生人生活是很难的事情。如果加上他们陌生人说不同的语言就跟难了！这是叫幸运吗？孤儿一开始就不幸运。每个孩子一开始都应该有一个美好的家的。孤儿被收养是叫她们的生活可能会更好一些，根本就不是幸运。如果你们再这样说的话，那我想让你们回答一个问题：你愿意跟他们换生活吗？
2. “你为什么不爱你家人呀？”
a. 你会立马爱你上第一次见过的大人吗？如果你的答案是是的话，那在你要放弃你的一切的时候去跟一个陌生家庭生活，你会立马爱上他们吗？如果她们说不同的语言，你会立马爱上他们吗？你的答案还是是吗？如果不是的话，那请你们就不要问一个刚有新家的孩子这个问题。新家的时间对有些孤儿是短的，有些孤儿是长的。我的意思就是有些孩子融入家庭是挺快的。有些孩子融入家庭是挺慢的。你要给他们时间。所以如果你没有看到他们给他们的父母表现得他们的爱，那请不要问这个问题。当然，有时如果你问他们为什么没有想过他们的家人或是相同的问题，那请你也不要问。当别人问我这些问题的时候，我感到不舒服，我觉得我不是好人因为我不爱我新家人。我想问有新家的孩子这些问题的人应该不是会想给他们这样的感受吧。你可以试试告诉有新家的孩子他们的父母有多爱他们，但也不要太多。这样会让他们觉得很内疚。
b. 有时候父母会在他们第一收养的孩子融入家庭的时候再收养孩子。一般在父母收养很多孩子的时候，孩子们以前不知道对方。而且一般的时候收养哪个孩子不是那个已经被收养孩子的选择，所以第一个孩子不一定会立马爱上那个要走进他家庭的孩子。在这种情况，你也不能问这个问题。
我想让你们读完的时候分享给别人，尤其是让有新家的孩子烦的事儿。这两件事儿有时候对孤儿来说是很大的压力。如果他们不没压力的话，那说不定他们会融入家庭融入得更快。
Things That Irritate Orphans:
1. "Call me mom" or "Call her mom"
In 2012 during the Lunar New Year, we the kids performed show to the nannies and the orphanage office staff. At that time we have two orphanage directors, a man and a women. The man director was new. I believed that the women director was going to be replaced by the man director, but I am not sure. Our supervisor Nanny Li told us when the orphanage directors come in, we the kids need to say, "Happy New Year director mom, Happy New Year director dad!" I didn't listen. I called them aunt and uncle instead, which in China, is the same thing as ma'am and sir in America. They weren't my mom and dad, why should I call them mom and dad? Beside they never talked to me, maybe they don't even know me! Real mom and dad talked to you and know you, they will see you everyday and ask how are you doing. I just think that the nannies don't have any right to just tell orphans to call other people mom and dad. The nannies should let the orphans decides. I lived in the orphanage four years and I only call two nannies mom. I like both of them a lot. One of the told me to call her mom, I ask the other nanny to call her mom. Now I didn't call them mom anymore because I have "real" America mom, beside ever since I left my foster family, call other people mom was just awkward to me.
2. "You should blame your parents for they abandon you, what a cruel person they are!"
I think very few orphans in China know the reasons that their parents abandon them. Yes, they have the right to be mad at their biological parents. However, adult's job should be to teach the kids how to forgive their biological parents. Encourage them to try to think the reasons that their parents abandoned them, and later try to stop parents to abandon children when they grow up. I think the reason that my biological parents abandon me is that I have a disability. They thought that I have to be fixed by doctors, or I won't have a good life, but they didn't have money. I am mad that they don't have confidence that people with disability can do stuff. Now is the time for me to forgive them. When I grow up, I will show the whole world that no matter how disable you are, if you have confidence, if you work hard and not give up, then you can do anything you want to do. Is just that the way that we do stuff might be different than yours. Later I will write a post about people with disability.
3. "No wonder that you parents abandon you."
Sometimes when the orphans did something that made the nannies or other people mad, they will scold them. Sometimes the adults will use this sentence to scold them. This had never happen to me. However, orphans usually are being abandoned when they are infants. What big mistake can an infant do to deserve to be abandoned? Not a single thing! Orphans are same as everybody else, only their parents abandon them. And is just not their fault!
Things That Shouldn't be Done to Newly Adopted Kids:
1. "You are so lucky!"
I don't know why people would say that to a newly adopted kid. Maybe they mean that for orphans, it's better for them to be adopted than to be an orphan all life long. I agree with that. However, maybe you guys don't know that tell the kids to give up all the things and to live with strangers is very hard. It will be harder if the parents speak a different language! Is that called lucky? Orphans aren't lucky to begin with. Every kid should start with a love family. Orphans being adopted are called that their life might be better, but totally not lucky. If you continue to say this, then I want you to answer me a question: Would you trade life with them?
2. "Why you don't love your family?"
a. Will you fall in love immediately with an adult that you just met? If the answer is yes, then would you love the stranger family immediately when you have to give up all everything to live with them? If they speak different language, would you love them immediately? Is your answer still yes? If is not, then please don't ask that question to a newly adopted kids. A period of new family to some orphans are short, to some are long. What I mean is that some kids get use to the family fast. Some kids get use to the family slow. You have to give them time. So if you didn't see them show their love to their parents, then please don't ask that question. Of course, if sometimes you ask them why they never miss or think about their family or similar question, then don't ask that either. When people ask me this question, I felt uncomfortable; I thought I wasn't a good person because I don't love my new family. I think the people who ask newly adopted kids these questions doesn't want them to feel that way, right? You can try to tell the newly adopted kids how much their parents love them, but not too much. Because then it was made them feel guilty.
b. Sometime parents will adopted another kid during their first adopted kid's adjustment to the family. Usually when parents adopted many kids, the kids didn't know each other before they got adopted. Beside usually it's not the kid who got adopted to choose whom should they adopted. So the adopted kids might not fell in love with the kid who is going to enter his/her family. In this situation, you can't ask those questions that I talked about either.
I want you guys to share to other people when you finished read this, especially about things that shouldn't be done to the newly adopted kids. These two things sometimes are pressure to them. If they don't have that pressure, then maybe they will get use to the family quicker.
不应该对孤儿做的事儿：
1. “叫我妈妈”或“叫她妈妈”
有一次在新年的时候，我们孩子们给阿姨和福利院办公室的阿姨表演节目。我们那时候有两个院长，一男一女。那个男的院长是新的。我那时候觉得院长叔叔好像要接替院长阿姨，但我也不太清楚。我们区长李阿姨告诉我们一会等院长阿姨和院长叔叔来的时候，我们孩子们得跟他们说：“院长妈妈新年好，院长爸爸新年好！” 我那时候没听。我反而叫他们阿姨和叔叔。他们又不是我的爸爸妈妈，我为什么要叫他们爸爸妈妈？而且他们又不跟我说话，说不定他们还不认识我呢！真正的爸爸妈妈是跟你说话的也认识你的，他们会每天看你问你好。我就是觉得阿姨们根本就没有权利随随便便告诉孤儿们叫别人爸爸妈妈。阿姨们应该让孤儿自己来做主。我在福利院四年只管两个阿姨叫过妈妈。这两个阿姨我都很喜欢。一个阿姨叫我叫她的，另一个阿姨是我问她的。现在我不叫她们妈妈了因为我有了美国“真正”妈妈，况且自从我离开了我寄养家庭之后，让我叫别人妈妈倒是挺有点变扭的。
2. “你应该怪你的父母把你跟扔了，他们那么狠！”
我觉得很少的孤儿在中国知道他们的父母放弃他们的原因。是的，他们有原因生他们亲生父母的气。但是，大人的任务应该是教孩子们怎么原谅他们的亲生父母。鼓励孩子们试着想想他们亲生父母选择的原因，然后长大后试着停止父母抛弃孩子。我觉得我亲生父母抛弃我的原因是因为我有残疾。他们觉得医生得治我，不然我就没有好生活，但他们没钱。我是气他们没有残疾人能做什么事儿的信心。但是现在也是时间让我自己原谅他们。我长大会给全世界看不管你有多残疾，只要你信心，只要你努力去做而且不放弃，那你做任何你想做的事儿，只是我们做的方法跟你们不一样而已。以后我会写一个关于残疾人的事儿。
3. “怪不得你爸妈扔了你”
有时候当孤儿做了让阿姨们或其他人生气的事儿，他们就会骂他们。有的时候大人就会用这句话骂他们。这件事儿从来都没有发生在我身上。但是，孤儿一般都是在他们小婴儿的时候被抛弃的。小婴儿能做什么严重的事儿让他们值得被抛弃？一件事儿都没有！孤儿跟其他人一样，只是他们的父母放弃了他们。而且根本就不是他们的错！
不应该对最近被收养的孩子做的事儿：
1. “你可真幸运呀！”
我不知道为什么别人会对最近被收养的孩子说这个。或许他们的意思是对于孤儿来说，被收养比一生都要当孤儿要好。这个想法我倒是同意。但或许你们不知道，让孩子们放弃一切东西去跟一个陌生人生活是很难的事情。如果加上他们陌生人说不同的语言就跟难了！这是叫幸运吗？孤儿一开始就不幸运。每个孩子一开始都应该有一个美好的家的。孤儿被收养是叫她们的生活可能会更好一些，根本就不是幸运。如果你们再这样说的话，那我想让你们回答一个问题：你愿意跟他们换生活吗？
2. “你为什么不爱你家人呀？”
a. 你会立马爱你上第一次见过的大人吗？如果你的答案是是的话，那在你要放弃你的一切的时候去跟一个陌生家庭生活，你会立马爱上他们吗？如果她们说不同的语言，你会立马爱上他们吗？你的答案还是是吗？如果不是的话，那请你们就不要问一个刚有新家的孩子这个问题。新家的时间对有些孤儿是短的，有些孤儿是长的。我的意思就是有些孩子融入家庭是挺快的。有些孩子融入家庭是挺慢的。你要给他们时间。所以如果你没有看到他们给他们的父母表现得他们的爱，那请不要问这个问题。当然，有时如果你问他们为什么没有想过他们的家人或是相同的问题，那请你也不要问。当别人问我这些问题的时候，我感到不舒服，我觉得我不是好人因为我不爱我新家人。我想问有新家的孩子这些问题的人应该不是会想给他们这样的感受吧。你可以试试告诉有新家的孩子他们的父母有多爱他们，但也不要太多。这样会让他们觉得很内疚。
b. 有时候父母会在他们第一收养的孩子融入家庭的时候再收养孩子。一般在父母收养很多孩子的时候，孩子们以前不知道对方。而且一般的时候收养哪个孩子不是那个已经被收养孩子的选择，所以第一个孩子不一定会立马爱上那个要走进他家庭的孩子。在这种情况，你也不能问这个问题。
我想让你们读完的时候分享给别人，尤其是让有新家的孩子烦的事儿。这两件事儿有时候对孤儿来说是很大的压力。如果他们不没压力的话，那说不定他们会融入家庭融入得更快。
Things That Irritate Orphans:
1. "Call me mom" or "Call her mom"
In 2012 during the Lunar New Year, we the kids performed show to the nannies and the orphanage office staff. At that time we have two orphanage directors, a man and a women. The man director was new. I believed that the women director was going to be replaced by the man director, but I am not sure. Our supervisor Nanny Li told us when the orphanage directors come in, we the kids need to say, "Happy New Year director mom, Happy New Year director dad!" I didn't listen. I called them aunt and uncle instead, which in China, is the same thing as ma'am and sir in America. They weren't my mom and dad, why should I call them mom and dad? Beside they never talked to me, maybe they don't even know me! Real mom and dad talked to you and know you, they will see you everyday and ask how are you doing. I just think that the nannies don't have any right to just tell orphans to call other people mom and dad. The nannies should let the orphans decides. I lived in the orphanage four years and I only call two nannies mom. I like both of them a lot. One of the told me to call her mom, I ask the other nanny to call her mom. Now I didn't call them mom anymore because I have "real" America mom, beside ever since I left my foster family, call other people mom was just awkward to me.
2. "You should blame your parents for they abandon you, what a cruel person they are!"
I think very few orphans in China know the reasons that their parents abandon them. Yes, they have the right to be mad at their biological parents. However, adult's job should be to teach the kids how to forgive their biological parents. Encourage them to try to think the reasons that their parents abandoned them, and later try to stop parents to abandon children when they grow up. I think the reason that my biological parents abandon me is that I have a disability. They thought that I have to be fixed by doctors, or I won't have a good life, but they didn't have money. I am mad that they don't have confidence that people with disability can do stuff. Now is the time for me to forgive them. When I grow up, I will show the whole world that no matter how disable you are, if you have confidence, if you work hard and not give up, then you can do anything you want to do. Is just that the way that we do stuff might be different than yours. Later I will write a post about people with disability.
3. "No wonder that you parents abandon you."
Sometimes when the orphans did something that made the nannies or other people mad, they will scold them. Sometimes the adults will use this sentence to scold them. This had never happen to me. However, orphans usually are being abandoned when they are infants. What big mistake can an infant do to deserve to be abandoned? Not a single thing! Orphans are same as everybody else, only their parents abandon them. And is just not their fault!
Things That Shouldn't be Done to Newly Adopted Kids:
1. "You are so lucky!"
I don't know why people would say that to a newly adopted kid. Maybe they mean that for orphans, it's better for them to be adopted than to be an orphan all life long. I agree with that. However, maybe you guys don't know that tell the kids to give up all the things and to live with strangers is very hard. It will be harder if the parents speak a different language! Is that called lucky? Orphans aren't lucky to begin with. Every kid should start with a love family. Orphans being adopted are called that their life might be better, but totally not lucky. If you continue to say this, then I want you to answer me a question: Would you trade life with them?
2. "Why you don't love your family?"
a. Will you fall in love immediately with an adult that you just met? If the answer is yes, then would you love the stranger family immediately when you have to give up all everything to live with them? If they speak different language, would you love them immediately? Is your answer still yes? If is not, then please don't ask that question to a newly adopted kids. A period of new family to some orphans are short, to some are long. What I mean is that some kids get use to the family fast. Some kids get use to the family slow. You have to give them time. So if you didn't see them show their love to their parents, then please don't ask that question. Of course, if sometimes you ask them why they never miss or think about their family or similar question, then don't ask that either. When people ask me this question, I felt uncomfortable; I thought I wasn't a good person because I don't love my new family. I think the people who ask newly adopted kids these questions doesn't want them to feel that way, right? You can try to tell the newly adopted kids how much their parents love them, but not too much. Because then it was made them feel guilty.
b. Sometime parents will adopted another kid during their first adopted kid's adjustment to the family. Usually when parents adopted many kids, the kids didn't know each other before they got adopted. Beside usually it's not the kid who got adopted to choose whom should they adopted. So the adopted kids might not fell in love with the kid who is going to enter his/her family. In this situation, you can't ask those questions that I talked about either.
I want you guys to share to other people when you finished read this, especially about things that shouldn't be done to the newly adopted kids. These two things sometimes are pressure to them. If they don't have that pressure, then maybe they will get use to the family quicker.
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