I Want To Help, But It's Too Late

我想帮助，但是太晚了

在福利院我有一个朋友叫苏楠楠。我和她是非常要好的朋友。我们跟对方分享我们的秘密。她也很信任我。

她比我大两岁。在2012年6月6日，她就成14岁了。在中国如果你是14岁的话，那你就不能收养了。所以在那年的四月我问了妈妈。

在福利院，我的朋友说你不能跟一个小孩他跟你住在一个福利院收养到同一个家，除非他们是双胞胎。那时候我也不懂为什么哪有那个规则。但是，我相信了，但没有相信了很久。

在2012年四月，我在想，或许我可以破坏那个规则。所以我就问妈妈去收养苏楠楠，她两个月之后就到了年龄。妈妈说不行因为这没有时间。我老师说：“不要放弃! 你就不能试试吧？”但是，妈妈说不行。那时候我这的很想让她来到我的家。我甚至想想我们两在一起说话，在学校说话。我不懂为什么妈妈说不。如果我们有希望，那或许奇迹会发生的。但是，苏楠楠她没有被收养因为她到了年龄了。

这都是我的错！如果我提前早问的话，那她就不会没有家了。那她就会有知识了，因为在中国如果你有一个残疾很明显的话，那你不能上学。如果我再使劲推妈妈的话，那或许一个奇迹会发生的而且苏楠楠会很高兴的。如果我没有相信那个规则，那我可以救她的。如果在中国，我在想他们，而不是我的话，那在我跟我父母见面的那天我会问他们的而且那时候是不会太晚了。因为收养至少要花4个月。为什么我没有早点问我的父母？为什么我那么就被说服了？我那时候因为要很固执的！为什么我没有意志？为什么我就是不能当一个胆子很大的人？为什么？

所以有时候即使你从你的心肝上都想帮助，如果时间不对的话。那是不可能完成的。

In the orphanage I had a friend named Su Nannan. She was a very close friend to me. We shared secrets with each other. She also trusted me very much. 

She is just 2 years older than me. On June 6, 2012, she turned 14. In China you can't be adopted when you are 14. So I asked my mom that April.

In the orphanage, my friends said that you can't be in the same family with some one who is from the same orphanage unless they are twins. At that time I really didn't understand why there is that rule. However, I believed it, but not for very long.   

In April, 2012. I was thinking, maybe I can break the rule. So I asked mom to adopte Su Nannan, who was aging out two months after I asked. Mom said no because it wasn't enough time. I kept saying, "Don't give up! Can't you just try it?" However, mom said no. At that time I really wanted her to come into my family. I even imagined us spending time with each other, talking in school together. I didn't understand why mom said no. If we have hope, then maybe some miracle would happen. However, Su Nannan didn't get adopted, she aged out. 

It is all my fault! If I had mentioned her earlier and asked, then she would not have aged out. Then she would have an education, because in China if you having a disability that is significant, then you can't go to school. If I pushed mom harder, then maybe a miracle happen and Su Nannan would be happy. If I didn't believe the rule, then I could rescue her. If in China, I was thinking about them instead thinking about me, then on the day where I met my parents I could asked them and it wouldn't be too late. Because adoption takes at least 4 months. Why I didn't asked my parents earlier? Why I'm so easy to convince? I should be stubborn that time! Why I don't have determination? Why I can't just be a bold person! Why?

So sometimes even you want to help from the bottom of your heart, if the time is not the right time. Then there is no way to complete.