亲爱的非残疾人：
我是一个残疾人。从小到现在，好多人看我是残疾就想保护我，问我需不需要帮助。有时候我说不需要。有时候即使我回答了好几遍他们还是一问再问。有时候别人根本就不问我需不需要帮助就替我做。很多时候我就认为他们这样做是因为我是残疾，不能做事儿。我不应该每次这样认为。我应该每次问问他们为什么这样做。我会尽量改变这个毛病的，不过这个毛病是很难改的。但是读者们，你们也要改改几件事儿。
每个人做的事就像是一幅画。当要画一幅画的时候，你得需要很多的颜色。不同的颜色就像是不同的身体部分。身体部分们得合作起来做好一件事儿。缺了一部分或一部分做的不好就像是缺了一种颜色或有一种颜色比别的颜色要少。哪部分做的越好，哪种颜色就越多。当你每天练习你的技术的时候，你就在你的颜色盒里面加颜色因为你再把你那不身体部分增加力量。每一个人颜色盒里面颜色的数量都是不一样的。我们残疾人失去了几种颜色，但这不证明我们颜色盒的重量比那些没有残疾人的颜色盒要少呀。我们可以有更多其他的颜色去代替我们失去的颜色然后做那些失去颜色和他们自己的任务。比如那些身体残疾的人，他们缺少的颜色不是最重要的颜色。比如说盲人他们的眼睛视力没有其他人的视力那么好，我就说他们失去的颜色是绿色吧。并不是每幅画都需要绿色的。在他们不需要绿色的时候他们可以轻轻松松用其他的颜色。如果他们需要绿色的时候，他们可以用黄色和蓝色画出绿色。就像比如他们在炒菜的时候，他们得知道什么时候那锅菜炒熟了。一般看见的人会只看看就行了。可是盲人看不见或他们看见的不好。那怎么办呀？就像刚才我说把黄色和蓝色画出绿色，盲人可以用耳朵，鼻子，和炒饭的铲子查查菜是不是熟了。我有脑瘫，说不定我少了几种颜色，但都是不是最重要的颜色。我也能用最重要的颜色弄出一副漂亮的画。
脑子残疾的人缺的颜色可能是一种最重要的颜色，他们画的画会比别人要简单一点，但他们还能画画。有些脑子残疾人颜色盒的重量可能跟别人一样多，只不过他们的每种颜色的重量是不一样的。说不定他们有一种颜色的重量别人的要多。
有的时候我们残疾人得有一个工具帮助我们。我写字写的不快，我一般在课上用电脑打字。盲人看不到，他们用盲杖或盲人狗当他们的眼睛。走路不好的人或不能走路的人用拐杖或轮椅帮他们行动，等等。我们不需要太多的帮助，只要那些工具，我们就没事儿了。其他的东西请你们不要担心。如果我们需要帮助的话，我们会问的。我想让你们就看着我们是怎么自理的。不要害怕。要对我们有信心呀！
有一天我听见了一个盲人说：“看见的人小看盲人是因为他们害怕没有视力的世界。” 这跟其他东西一样，有的非残疾人没有经常见过残疾人，说不定当他们见到了残疾人的时候在想如果他们是残疾的话，那会怎么样？当他们想这个的时候，他们就会害怕。他们就觉得自己会需要帮助，所以他们一见到残疾人就帮助他们。其实如果你想的话，残疾人只是几部分的身体工作的不怎么好，他们可以用其他部分的身体做事儿。世界上没有一个人什么事儿都不能做。如果有的话，那他就是死人。我听妈妈说有一个很高明的科学家是一个有麻痹的人。如果你看看你的周围，你就会看到有好多好多聪明或者和能干的残疾人。
如果你看见别人对残疾人太有帮助的时候，无论你在哪里，请教育教育他们。这样世界慢慢着就知道残疾人其实也能做事儿的。
现在有的国家大多数的孤儿都是残疾。我的国家中国可能有一千万孤儿，98%的孤儿是残疾。这是很严重的！如果我们能帮助中国人和其他国家的人相信残疾人能做事儿的话，那就没有那么多的孩子被抛弃了。
其实，残疾人跟别人一样，因为每个人都是不一样。每个人都用不同的方法去画画。如果用你的真心去看，你就会发现你自己眼睛没有发现的事情。李小龙说过一句话：“即使我们有一双眼睛，大多数的人并不真的是“看到”世界的。”
我希望你们能懂我这一页的博客，如果不懂的话，留下一个评论，我会很努力的给你们再解释一遍！
I have a disability. From when I was little till now, people wanted to protect me and asked me if I needed help when they saw that I have a disability. Sometimes I said no. Sometimes they asked me over and over even though I kept saying no. Sometimes people don't even ask me if I need help before they help me. Often I thought the reason that they did that is because I have a disability and they think I can't do stuff. I shouldn't think that. I should ask them why they did that. I will try my best to change that bad habit. However, readers, you all need to change some habit too.
Every person's work is like a picture. You have to have a lot of different colors to draw a picture. Different colors are like different organs. Organs have to work together to accomplish a task well. If you are missing an organ or one of your organs doesn't work very well, then you lost a color or the color isn't useful to work to their best to draw the picture. Which body part did the best, then that color will have the most. When you practice your technique everyday, you are adding color to your color box since one of your body parts is building strength. We, people with disabilities, may lose some colors, but that doesn't means that our color box weights less than other people. We could use other color to replace the missing color and do their and themselves' job. For people with physical disabilities, the color they are missing in a non-primary color. For example, blind people's sight isn't as good as other people, let me just said that their missing color is green. Not all pictures need green. They can easily use other color when they don't need green. If they do need green, they could use yellow and blue to draw green. For example, blind people need to know if the dish is done when they are cooking. Usually sighted people will just use their eyes to see it. However, blind people can't see or their sight isn't good. What now? Like I just said that they could use yellow and blue to draw green, blind people could use ear, nose, and spatula to tell if the dish is cooked. I have Cerebral Palsy; maybe I lost couple colors, but none of those are primary colors. I could primary colors to draw a beautiful picture too.
People with mental disabilities maybe lost one primary color, their picture will be simpler than other, but they still could draw. Some people with mental disabilities' color box weights the same as other people, only not all the colors are even out. Maybe one of their colors is more than the other people.
Sometimes we need a tool to help us. I don't write fast, usually type during class. Blind people can't see, they use cane and guide dog like their eyes. People have hard time walk or they can't walk use crutches or wheelchair to help them move, and etc. We don't need too much help, just those tool and we are set. You don't need to worry about other things. We will ask for help if we need to. I want to you to see how we become independent. Don't be scared. Have faith in us!
One time I hear a blind person said, "Sighted people underestimate blind people is because they are scare of a world without vision." This is same as other stuff, some non-disabilities people don't see people with disabilities often, and maybe they will imagine how will they live if they have disabilities when they see people disabilities. When they think, they would get scare. They think they need help, so they will help them when they see people with disabilities. However, if you really think about it, only a few body parts of people with disabilities doesn't work properly, they could use other body parts to do tasks. There is no one in the world can't do a single thing. If there are, then they are dead. I hear mom said that there is a brilliant scientist that is paralysis. If you look around, you will see many people with disabilities that are smart and independent.
If you see other people being too helpful to a person with disabilities, no matter where, please education them. Then the world would slowly know that people with disabilities actually could do tasks.
Right now some of the countries' major orphans are disable. My country, China, maybe have a million orphans, 98% of then are disable. That is serious! If we could help Chinese and other countries' citizens believe people with disabilities can do tasks, then maybe not many orphans will be abandon.
Actually, people with disabilities are same as other people, because everyone is different. Everybody draw picture differently. Use your heart to see, you will notice the stuff that your eyes can't see. Bruce Lee had a quote: "Though we possess a pair of eyes, most of us do not really 'see' in the true sense of the word."
I hope you guys could understand my post, if you don't, leave a comment, I will try my best to explain to you.
Saturday, August 20, 2016
Monday, August 1, 2016
Things That Shoudn't be Done to Orphans and Newly Adopted Kids
不应该对孤儿和有新家的孩子做的事儿
不应该对孤儿做的事儿：
1. “叫我妈妈”或“叫她妈妈”
有一次在新年的时候，我们孩子们给阿姨和福利院办公室的阿姨表演节目。我们那时候有两个院长，一男一女。那个男的院长是新的。我那时候觉得院长叔叔好像要接替院长阿姨，但我也不太清楚。我们区长李阿姨告诉我们一会等院长阿姨和院长叔叔来的时候，我们孩子们得跟他们说：“院长妈妈新年好，院长爸爸新年好！” 我那时候没听。我反而叫他们阿姨和叔叔。他们又不是我的爸爸妈妈，我为什么要叫他们爸爸妈妈？而且他们又不跟我说话，说不定他们还不认识我呢！真正的爸爸妈妈是跟你说话的也认识你的，他们会每天看你问你好。我就是觉得阿姨们根本就没有权利随随便便告诉孤儿们叫别人爸爸妈妈。阿姨们应该让孤儿自己来做主。我在福利院四年只管两个阿姨叫过妈妈。这两个阿姨我都很喜欢。一个阿姨叫我叫她的，另一个阿姨是我问她的。现在我不叫她们妈妈了因为我有了美国“真正”妈妈，况且自从我离开了我寄养家庭之后，让我叫别人妈妈倒是挺有点变扭的。
2. “你应该怪你的父母把你跟扔了，他们那么狠！”
我觉得很少的孤儿在中国知道他们的父母放弃他们的原因。是的，他们有原因生他们亲生父母的气。但是，大人的任务应该是教孩子们怎么原谅他们的亲生父母。鼓励孩子们试着想想他们亲生父母选择的原因，然后长大后试着停止父母抛弃孩子。我觉得我亲生父母抛弃我的原因是因为我有残疾。他们觉得医生得治我，不然我就没有好生活，但他们没钱。我是气他们没有残疾人能做什么事儿的信心。但是现在也是时间让我自己原谅他们。我长大会给全世界看不管你有多残疾，只要你信心，只要你努力去做而且不放弃，那你做任何你想做的事儿，只是我们做的方法跟你们不一样而已。以后我会写一个关于残疾人的事儿。
3. “怪不得你爸妈扔了你”
有时候当孤儿做了让阿姨们或其他人生气的事儿，他们就会骂他们。有的时候大人就会用这句话骂他们。这件事儿从来都没有发生在我身上。但是，孤儿一般都是在他们小婴儿的时候被抛弃的。小婴儿能做什么严重的事儿让他们值得被抛弃？一件事儿都没有！孤儿跟其他人一样，只是他们的父母放弃了他们。而且根本就不是他们的错！
不应该对最近被收养的孩子做的事儿：
1. “你可真幸运呀！”
我不知道为什么别人会对最近被收养的孩子说这个。或许他们的意思是对于孤儿来说，被收养比一生都要当孤儿要好。这个想法我倒是同意。但或许你们不知道，让孩子们放弃一切东西去跟一个陌生人生活是很难的事情。如果加上他们陌生人说不同的语言就跟难了！这是叫幸运吗？孤儿一开始就不幸运。每个孩子一开始都应该有一个美好的家的。孤儿被收养是叫她们的生活可能会更好一些，根本就不是幸运。如果你们再这样说的话，那我想让你们回答一个问题：你愿意跟他们换生活吗？
2. “你为什么不爱你家人呀？”
a. 你会立马爱你上第一次见过的大人吗？如果你的答案是是的话，那在你要放弃你的一切的时候去跟一个陌生家庭生活，你会立马爱上他们吗？如果她们说不同的语言，你会立马爱上他们吗？你的答案还是是吗？如果不是的话，那请你们就不要问一个刚有新家的孩子这个问题。新家的时间对有些孤儿是短的，有些孤儿是长的。我的意思就是有些孩子融入家庭是挺快的。有些孩子融入家庭是挺慢的。你要给他们时间。所以如果你没有看到他们给他们的父母表现得他们的爱，那请不要问这个问题。当然，有时如果你问他们为什么没有想过他们的家人或是相同的问题，那请你也不要问。当别人问我这些问题的时候，我感到不舒服，我觉得我不是好人因为我不爱我新家人。我想问有新家的孩子这些问题的人应该不是会想给他们这样的感受吧。你可以试试告诉有新家的孩子他们的父母有多爱他们，但也不要太多。这样会让他们觉得很内疚。
b. 有时候父母会在他们第一收养的孩子融入家庭的时候再收养孩子。一般在父母收养很多孩子的时候，孩子们以前不知道对方。而且一般的时候收养哪个孩子不是那个已经被收养孩子的选择，所以第一个孩子不一定会立马爱上那个要走进他家庭的孩子。在这种情况，你也不能问这个问题。
我想让你们读完的时候分享给别人，尤其是让有新家的孩子烦的事儿。这两件事儿有时候对孤儿来说是很大的压力。如果他们不没压力的话，那说不定他们会融入家庭融入得更快。
Things That Irritate Orphans:
1. "Call me mom" or "Call her mom"
In 2012 during the Lunar New Year, we the kids performed show to the nannies and the orphanage office staff. At that time we have two orphanage directors, a man and a women. The man director was new. I believed that the women director was going to be replaced by the man director, but I am not sure. Our supervisor Nanny Li told us when the orphanage directors come in, we the kids need to say, "Happy New Year director mom, Happy New Year director dad!" I didn't listen. I called them aunt and uncle instead, which in China, is the same thing as ma'am and sir in America. They weren't my mom and dad, why should I call them mom and dad? Beside they never talked to me, maybe they don't even know me! Real mom and dad talked to you and know you, they will see you everyday and ask how are you doing. I just think that the nannies don't have any right to just tell orphans to call other people mom and dad. The nannies should let the orphans decides. I lived in the orphanage four years and I only call two nannies mom. I like both of them a lot. One of the told me to call her mom, I ask the other nanny to call her mom. Now I didn't call them mom anymore because I have "real" America mom, beside ever since I left my foster family, call other people mom was just awkward to me.
2. "You should blame your parents for they abandon you, what a cruel person they are!"
I think very few orphans in China know the reasons that their parents abandon them. Yes, they have the right to be mad at their biological parents. However, adult's job should be to teach the kids how to forgive their biological parents. Encourage them to try to think the reasons that their parents abandoned them, and later try to stop parents to abandon children when they grow up. I think the reason that my biological parents abandon me is that I have a disability. They thought that I have to be fixed by doctors, or I won't have a good life, but they didn't have money. I am mad that they don't have confidence that people with disability can do stuff. Now is the time for me to forgive them. When I grow up, I will show the whole world that no matter how disable you are, if you have confidence, if you work hard and not give up, then you can do anything you want to do. Is just that the way that we do stuff might be different than yours. Later I will write a post about people with disability.
3. "No wonder that you parents abandon you."
Sometimes when the orphans did something that made the nannies or other people mad, they will scold them. Sometimes the adults will use this sentence to scold them. This had never happen to me. However, orphans usually are being abandoned when they are infants. What big mistake can an infant do to deserve to be abandoned? Not a single thing! Orphans are same as everybody else, only their parents abandon them. And is just not their fault!
Things That Shouldn't be Done to Newly Adopted Kids:
1. "You are so lucky!"
I don't know why people would say that to a newly adopted kid. Maybe they mean that for orphans, it's better for them to be adopted than to be an orphan all life long. I agree with that. However, maybe you guys don't know that tell the kids to give up all the things and to live with strangers is very hard. It will be harder if the parents speak a different language! Is that called lucky? Orphans aren't lucky to begin with. Every kid should start with a love family. Orphans being adopted are called that their life might be better, but totally not lucky. If you continue to say this, then I want you to answer me a question: Would you trade life with them?
2. "Why you don't love your family?"
a. Will you fall in love immediately with an adult that you just met? If the answer is yes, then would you love the stranger family immediately when you have to give up all everything to live with them? If they speak different language, would you love them immediately? Is your answer still yes? If is not, then please don't ask that question to a newly adopted kids. A period of new family to some orphans are short, to some are long. What I mean is that some kids get use to the family fast. Some kids get use to the family slow. You have to give them time. So if you didn't see them show their love to their parents, then please don't ask that question. Of course, if sometimes you ask them why they never miss or think about their family or similar question, then don't ask that either. When people ask me this question, I felt uncomfortable; I thought I wasn't a good person because I don't love my new family. I think the people who ask newly adopted kids these questions doesn't want them to feel that way, right? You can try to tell the newly adopted kids how much their parents love them, but not too much. Because then it was made them feel guilty.
b. Sometime parents will adopted another kid during their first adopted kid's adjustment to the family. Usually when parents adopted many kids, the kids didn't know each other before they got adopted. Beside usually it's not the kid who got adopted to choose whom should they adopted. So the adopted kids might not fell in love with the kid who is going to enter his/her family. In this situation, you can't ask those questions that I talked about either.
I want you guys to share to other people when you finished read this, especially about things that shouldn't be done to the newly adopted kids. These two things sometimes are pressure to them. If they don't have that pressure, then maybe they will get use to the family quicker.
不应该对孤儿做的事儿：
1. “叫我妈妈”或“叫她妈妈”
有一次在新年的时候，我们孩子们给阿姨和福利院办公室的阿姨表演节目。我们那时候有两个院长，一男一女。那个男的院长是新的。我那时候觉得院长叔叔好像要接替院长阿姨，但我也不太清楚。我们区长李阿姨告诉我们一会等院长阿姨和院长叔叔来的时候，我们孩子们得跟他们说：“院长妈妈新年好，院长爸爸新年好！” 我那时候没听。我反而叫他们阿姨和叔叔。他们又不是我的爸爸妈妈，我为什么要叫他们爸爸妈妈？而且他们又不跟我说话，说不定他们还不认识我呢！真正的爸爸妈妈是跟你说话的也认识你的，他们会每天看你问你好。我就是觉得阿姨们根本就没有权利随随便便告诉孤儿们叫别人爸爸妈妈。阿姨们应该让孤儿自己来做主。我在福利院四年只管两个阿姨叫过妈妈。这两个阿姨我都很喜欢。一个阿姨叫我叫她的，另一个阿姨是我问她的。现在我不叫她们妈妈了因为我有了美国“真正”妈妈，况且自从我离开了我寄养家庭之后，让我叫别人妈妈倒是挺有点变扭的。
2. “你应该怪你的父母把你跟扔了，他们那么狠！”
我觉得很少的孤儿在中国知道他们的父母放弃他们的原因。是的，他们有原因生他们亲生父母的气。但是，大人的任务应该是教孩子们怎么原谅他们的亲生父母。鼓励孩子们试着想想他们亲生父母选择的原因，然后长大后试着停止父母抛弃孩子。我觉得我亲生父母抛弃我的原因是因为我有残疾。他们觉得医生得治我，不然我就没有好生活，但他们没钱。我是气他们没有残疾人能做什么事儿的信心。但是现在也是时间让我自己原谅他们。我长大会给全世界看不管你有多残疾，只要你信心，只要你努力去做而且不放弃，那你做任何你想做的事儿，只是我们做的方法跟你们不一样而已。以后我会写一个关于残疾人的事儿。
3. “怪不得你爸妈扔了你”
有时候当孤儿做了让阿姨们或其他人生气的事儿，他们就会骂他们。有的时候大人就会用这句话骂他们。这件事儿从来都没有发生在我身上。但是，孤儿一般都是在他们小婴儿的时候被抛弃的。小婴儿能做什么严重的事儿让他们值得被抛弃？一件事儿都没有！孤儿跟其他人一样，只是他们的父母放弃了他们。而且根本就不是他们的错！
不应该对最近被收养的孩子做的事儿：
1. “你可真幸运呀！”
我不知道为什么别人会对最近被收养的孩子说这个。或许他们的意思是对于孤儿来说，被收养比一生都要当孤儿要好。这个想法我倒是同意。但或许你们不知道，让孩子们放弃一切东西去跟一个陌生人生活是很难的事情。如果加上他们陌生人说不同的语言就跟难了！这是叫幸运吗？孤儿一开始就不幸运。每个孩子一开始都应该有一个美好的家的。孤儿被收养是叫她们的生活可能会更好一些，根本就不是幸运。如果你们再这样说的话，那我想让你们回答一个问题：你愿意跟他们换生活吗？
2. “你为什么不爱你家人呀？”
a. 你会立马爱你上第一次见过的大人吗？如果你的答案是是的话，那在你要放弃你的一切的时候去跟一个陌生家庭生活，你会立马爱上他们吗？如果她们说不同的语言，你会立马爱上他们吗？你的答案还是是吗？如果不是的话，那请你们就不要问一个刚有新家的孩子这个问题。新家的时间对有些孤儿是短的，有些孤儿是长的。我的意思就是有些孩子融入家庭是挺快的。有些孩子融入家庭是挺慢的。你要给他们时间。所以如果你没有看到他们给他们的父母表现得他们的爱，那请不要问这个问题。当然，有时如果你问他们为什么没有想过他们的家人或是相同的问题，那请你也不要问。当别人问我这些问题的时候，我感到不舒服，我觉得我不是好人因为我不爱我新家人。我想问有新家的孩子这些问题的人应该不是会想给他们这样的感受吧。你可以试试告诉有新家的孩子他们的父母有多爱他们，但也不要太多。这样会让他们觉得很内疚。
b. 有时候父母会在他们第一收养的孩子融入家庭的时候再收养孩子。一般在父母收养很多孩子的时候，孩子们以前不知道对方。而且一般的时候收养哪个孩子不是那个已经被收养孩子的选择，所以第一个孩子不一定会立马爱上那个要走进他家庭的孩子。在这种情况，你也不能问这个问题。
我想让你们读完的时候分享给别人，尤其是让有新家的孩子烦的事儿。这两件事儿有时候对孤儿来说是很大的压力。如果他们不没压力的话，那说不定他们会融入家庭融入得更快。
Things That Irritate Orphans:
1. "Call me mom" or "Call her mom"
In 2012 during the Lunar New Year, we the kids performed show to the nannies and the orphanage office staff. At that time we have two orphanage directors, a man and a women. The man director was new. I believed that the women director was going to be replaced by the man director, but I am not sure. Our supervisor Nanny Li told us when the orphanage directors come in, we the kids need to say, "Happy New Year director mom, Happy New Year director dad!" I didn't listen. I called them aunt and uncle instead, which in China, is the same thing as ma'am and sir in America. They weren't my mom and dad, why should I call them mom and dad? Beside they never talked to me, maybe they don't even know me! Real mom and dad talked to you and know you, they will see you everyday and ask how are you doing. I just think that the nannies don't have any right to just tell orphans to call other people mom and dad. The nannies should let the orphans decides. I lived in the orphanage four years and I only call two nannies mom. I like both of them a lot. One of the told me to call her mom, I ask the other nanny to call her mom. Now I didn't call them mom anymore because I have "real" America mom, beside ever since I left my foster family, call other people mom was just awkward to me.
2. "You should blame your parents for they abandon you, what a cruel person they are!"
I think very few orphans in China know the reasons that their parents abandon them. Yes, they have the right to be mad at their biological parents. However, adult's job should be to teach the kids how to forgive their biological parents. Encourage them to try to think the reasons that their parents abandoned them, and later try to stop parents to abandon children when they grow up. I think the reason that my biological parents abandon me is that I have a disability. They thought that I have to be fixed by doctors, or I won't have a good life, but they didn't have money. I am mad that they don't have confidence that people with disability can do stuff. Now is the time for me to forgive them. When I grow up, I will show the whole world that no matter how disable you are, if you have confidence, if you work hard and not give up, then you can do anything you want to do. Is just that the way that we do stuff might be different than yours. Later I will write a post about people with disability.
3. "No wonder that you parents abandon you."
Sometimes when the orphans did something that made the nannies or other people mad, they will scold them. Sometimes the adults will use this sentence to scold them. This had never happen to me. However, orphans usually are being abandoned when they are infants. What big mistake can an infant do to deserve to be abandoned? Not a single thing! Orphans are same as everybody else, only their parents abandon them. And is just not their fault!
Things That Shouldn't be Done to Newly Adopted Kids:
1. "You are so lucky!"
I don't know why people would say that to a newly adopted kid. Maybe they mean that for orphans, it's better for them to be adopted than to be an orphan all life long. I agree with that. However, maybe you guys don't know that tell the kids to give up all the things and to live with strangers is very hard. It will be harder if the parents speak a different language! Is that called lucky? Orphans aren't lucky to begin with. Every kid should start with a love family. Orphans being adopted are called that their life might be better, but totally not lucky. If you continue to say this, then I want you to answer me a question: Would you trade life with them?
2. "Why you don't love your family?"
a. Will you fall in love immediately with an adult that you just met? If the answer is yes, then would you love the stranger family immediately when you have to give up all everything to live with them? If they speak different language, would you love them immediately? Is your answer still yes? If is not, then please don't ask that question to a newly adopted kids. A period of new family to some orphans are short, to some are long. What I mean is that some kids get use to the family fast. Some kids get use to the family slow. You have to give them time. So if you didn't see them show their love to their parents, then please don't ask that question. Of course, if sometimes you ask them why they never miss or think about their family or similar question, then don't ask that either. When people ask me this question, I felt uncomfortable; I thought I wasn't a good person because I don't love my new family. I think the people who ask newly adopted kids these questions doesn't want them to feel that way, right? You can try to tell the newly adopted kids how much their parents love them, but not too much. Because then it was made them feel guilty.
b. Sometime parents will adopted another kid during their first adopted kid's adjustment to the family. Usually when parents adopted many kids, the kids didn't know each other before they got adopted. Beside usually it's not the kid who got adopted to choose whom should they adopted. So the adopted kids might not fell in love with the kid who is going to enter his/her family. In this situation, you can't ask those questions that I talked about either.
I want you guys to share to other people when you finished read this, especially about things that shouldn't be done to the newly adopted kids. These two things sometimes are pressure to them. If they don't have that pressure, then maybe they will get use to the family quicker.
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
Thought about Family as an Orphan
孤儿对家庭的想法
读者们好！我好长时间没有在我的博客写东西了。我的学校生活很忙而且这几个月我也不知道我应该在我的博客上写什么。现在我想了想：我想写作为一个孤儿，我对家庭是有什么样的想法。这是一个很难的过程而且大多数我是孤儿的时候我也不知道我是怎么想的。
我从小是跟一个寄养家庭在农村长大的。我以为他们是我的亲生父母。不过同时，我在那里上学的时候我觉得我班跟其他班不一样。我也不知道我是怎么知道我班大多数或所有的同学，加上我，都是孤儿。我养父有时候跟我开玩笑说：“如果你不听话的话，那你就会送到福利院。”我那时候笑了笑然后什么都没想。
当我八岁的时候，不知道为什么，我被送到了福利院。但我也没有问任何问题。我养母实在是舍不得我走。我养父安慰安慰了我养母。我那时候很想念我的养父养母因为他们对我很好。在我在福利院4年的时候，他们只看过我两次。我知道有一个女孩的寄养家庭父母在她被收养之前在福利院的一两年时就被看望过16次。我不明白为什么我养父养母只看我一两次。难道他们不想我吗？不对。当他们看我的时候然后我们要分开的时候我养母是很舍不得我的。阿姨们告诉我那个女孩被看望那么多次是因为她很听话。（他们老是用这个原因，像你为什么没有被收养什么的）我那时候没有相信因为那个愿意根本就不符合道理。后来我知道我养父养母问了他们去看我好几遍了，但不知为什么，他们只让我养父养母看我一两次。
我在福利院最后一年的时候，我听有人给他的寄养父母打了电话。阿姨们告诉我们福利院的电话不能打外线的。(除非你摁9）
我给我寄养家庭和刘雨晴打了几个电话。然后有一天有一个在办公室的阿姨告诉我我养母告诉了他们我给他们打了电话，我告诉了他们事实然后他们说我不能再打了。我那时候不高兴。第一，为什么我养母告诉了他们？第二，为什么我不能给我寄养父母打电话？我又不是石头，我是有感受的！对我来说，他们是在偷走我的家！然后我继续想，为什么我寄养家庭把我送到福利院？我那时候知道我是个孤儿，但同时我又觉得我寄养家庭是我的亲生家庭。这个对你们和我都很糊里糊涂的！
后来我知道我养母没有告诉福利院我给他们打了电话。那个阿姨骗我这样我能说实话，这实在是太不公平了！他们怎么能这样做呀！在福利院，很多阿姨说谎，我讨厌她们说谎，而且她们从来都没有为了这个道过歉！但小孩说谎的时候，她们就告诉小孩子们说谎是不好的。这也太不公平了吧！我后来也知道我寄养父母不是我的亲生父母，他们把我送到福利院是因为他们想让我上个好学校然后或许被收养。
在福利院里，人们说好多关于收养的事儿。我只在听到孩子们被收养了或是他们要被收养的时候才想到想有家。我知道当你14岁的时候，你就不能被收养了。当我12岁左右，我不敢想象在中国外面跟一个家庭生活。当我听到孩子去美国的时候，我就想为什么没有一个孩子呆在中国？有一次我听说我的一个朋友被一个中国家庭收养而且住在另一个中国的部分。那时我就希望我的未来是被一个中国家庭收养而且呆在中国。当然了，这个根本就没有发生。但我是真的很希望中国人会收养中国小孩的！那就太好了！
有时候我在中国想：“如果我没有被收养而且呆在中国又有什么大不了的？我的生活又不是那么坏。”
在2011年，11月29日，阿姨们告诉我我有家庭了。我那时候很高兴，但说实话，我也不知道为什么我那么高兴。我只知道我很高兴。你们从来有没有这个感受呀？我从那天到我见到我父母之前都很高兴。当我见到我父母的时候，我就变安静了。当我们要走的时候我留了几滴眼泪。然后我们去了将阿姨和叔叔的家里。他们的工作是欢迎外国人然后让他们了解了解北京。当他们商量我们在北京这几天应该做什么，我主要就是想看我知道的人。他们同意了而且结果我看望了我小学大约一小时。然后我去了刘雨晴的家里。那天是我和我父母在中国做好的一天。
我跟我父母的第二天是我签字同不同意他们当我的父母。我说我同意因为我知道如果我不同意的话，阿姨肯定会骂我骂道我会后悔后悔到一生。我是怎么知道的？有二个孩子被收养了但他们拒绝了。有一个孩子后悔了阿姨们跟他们提了这件事好几次。
当我来到了美国，我很想中国而且家里没有什么事儿可以做的。我浪费了好多时间。我打了好多电话。中国人好多次都告诉我我父母是爱我的而且我也要爱他们。我那是很不舒服而且很内疚。
当我妈妈收养了我从来都没有认识的Lucy，我美国同学会问我我想不想她或是我爱不爱她。我没有回答，但我很内疚。
有一次我们去了一个饭店家北京，那里有一个中国阿姨问我我是不是被收养的。我们说是的。她说我很幸运。我那时候不同意因为我是在跟两个陌生人一起住而且他们说的语言跟我不一样，但我也没说什么。
一年又一年过去了，Amy来到了我家庭。时间过去了，Amy在我融入家庭之前自己融入了家庭。看着看着，我就希望我也能有这样的快乐。所以我开始学怎么爱我家人。这是一个很长的过程！但我做到了！！！我为我父母要等我三年的时间才会回爱他们感到对不起，但后来我知道从当孤儿到有一个陌生家庭是非常难的！！你得让他们慢慢的融入家庭里。
我有跟多的感受要写，但我觉得要把所有的写到一夜博客上好像是太多了。所以请您呆在这儿！
Hey Readers! It's been a long time since I've written anything down in my blog. I got pretty busy with my school life and I don't know what to write in my blog these couple months. Right now I thought about it: I want to write about as a orphan, what do I think about family. It's a hard process and I didn't know how do I felt about it when I was an orphan most of the times.
Growing up, I lived with a foster family on the country side. I thought they were my biological parents. However, at the same time, I went to school there and I felt that my class is different than other class in the school. Somehow, I knew that most or all of my classmates are orphan, including me. My foster father sometimes joked with me saying, "If you don't well behave, then you will be sent into the orphanage." I laughed, and didn't really think about it.
When I was eight years old, I move to the orphanage and don't know why! I didn't ask any questions though. My foster mother had a hard time of letting me go. My foster father comforted my foster mother. I missed my foster parents a lot because they were really good to me. They only visit me once or twice while I was in the orphanage for 4 years. I knew a girl who was getting 16 visits in one or two years before she got adopted. I wondered why my foster parents only visit me that much. Do they not miss me? No. When they visit me, they looked like they miss me a lot and when the visit is over, my foster mother had a hard time of letting me go. The nannies told me the girl got so much visit because she was so well behaved. (They use if you well behaved for a lot of reason, like why you didn't get a family!) I didn't believe the reason anyway because it's just doesn't make any sense to me. Later I found out that my foster family asked to visit me many times, but for some reasons, they only let them visit me once or twice.
The last years of orphanages, I heard somebody made phone call to their foster family. The nannies have been told kids that the phone in the orphanage can't make phone call outside the orphanages. (not if you don't hit 9 before you dial the number)
I made couple phone calls to my foster parents and to Liu Yuqing. Then one day one of the nannies who work in office told me that my foster mother told them that I made phone calls to them, I told them to truth and they say to not to do it again. I was unhappy. First, why my foster mother told them? Second, why can't I talk to my foster parents? I am not a rock, I have feelings! To me, they were steal my family from me! Then I wondering more, why my foster family sent me to the orphanage? I knew I was an orphan, yet at the same time I thought my foster family was my biological family. That was so confusing to you and to me too!!
Later I know that my foster mother didn't tell the orphanage that I made phone call to me. That nanny lied to me so I could admit the truth, that is so unfair! How could they do that! In the orphanage, a lot of the nanny lie, I hated it when they did it, and they never said sorry about it. When it come to kids lying, they told the kids that it's not good to lie! So unfair! I also found out that my foster parents aren't my biological parents, and they sent me to the orphanage to have better education and maybe get adopted.
People talk a lot of adoption in the orphanage. I only thought about wanting a family when I hear kids adopted or when they talk about who is getting a family. I knew when you turn 14, you aged out. When I was around 12, I could't imagine of having a family and living outside of China. Sometimes when they talk about kids go to America, I wondered why none of them stay in China? One time I hear a rumor that one of my friends was adopted by a Chinese family and live in another part of China. That time I wished that my future will be a Chinese family adopt me and stay in China. Of course, it didn't happen. Though I really wish that Chinese people will adopted Chinese orphans! That will be wonderful!!
Sometimes in China I thought, "What's the big deal if I don't get adopted and stay in China? My life isn't too horrible anyway."
On November 29. 2011, the nannies told me that I have a family. I was so happy, but to be honest, I didn't quiet know what I was happy about. I just know that I was happy. Have you had that kind of feelings? I stay happy until the day when my parents got me. I got quiet. When we are leave, I drop a little bit of tears. Then we went back to a house that belong to a women whose name is Joy, and the men call Michael. They job was to welcome foreigners to their house and get them to know Beijing. When they talk about what to do while my family stay in Beijing, the main things that I thought was to see the people that I know. They agree and I ended up visiting my elementary school for about a hour or so. Then I went to LiuYuqing's house. That day was the best day when I was in China with my parents.
The second day with my parents is the day that I sign whether if I want them to be my parents or not. I said yes because I knew if I didn't said yes, the nannies probably going to scold me so bad that I am going to be regret for the rest of my life. How do I know that? There was two kids that was adopted but said no to it. One of them regret because the nannies reminded them again and again.
When I came to America, I was very homesick and there is nothing to do. I waste a lot of times. I made a lot of phone calls. People in China told me over and over again that my parents loves me and I should loves them back. I felt very uncomfortable and guilty.
When my mom adopted Lucy, who was totally stranger to me before, my American classmates will ask if I miss Lucy or loves her. I didn't answer, but I felt guilty.
Onetime we went to a restaurant call Beijing and there is a women who is Chinese and ask me if I was adopted. We told her yes. She said that I was lucky. I disagreed at that time because I was living with two strangers who speak different languages but I didn't say anything.
Year went by, Amy came to our family. Time went by, Amy started to get use to the family before me. As I watched, I wish I could have that kind of happiness too. So I started to learned how to love my family. It's a such long process! However, I did it!!! I felt sorry that my parents have to wait 3 years for me to loves them back, but I later also understood that transition from an orphan to having a family with strangers is just hard!! You just have to let them to take their own time to get adjust to the family.
I have a lot more thoughts to write down, but I think it's too long to write in one post. So please hang in there!
读者们好！我好长时间没有在我的博客写东西了。我的学校生活很忙而且这几个月我也不知道我应该在我的博客上写什么。现在我想了想：我想写作为一个孤儿，我对家庭是有什么样的想法。这是一个很难的过程而且大多数我是孤儿的时候我也不知道我是怎么想的。
我从小是跟一个寄养家庭在农村长大的。我以为他们是我的亲生父母。不过同时，我在那里上学的时候我觉得我班跟其他班不一样。我也不知道我是怎么知道我班大多数或所有的同学，加上我，都是孤儿。我养父有时候跟我开玩笑说：“如果你不听话的话，那你就会送到福利院。”我那时候笑了笑然后什么都没想。
当我八岁的时候，不知道为什么，我被送到了福利院。但我也没有问任何问题。我养母实在是舍不得我走。我养父安慰安慰了我养母。我那时候很想念我的养父养母因为他们对我很好。在我在福利院4年的时候，他们只看过我两次。我知道有一个女孩的寄养家庭父母在她被收养之前在福利院的一两年时就被看望过16次。我不明白为什么我养父养母只看我一两次。难道他们不想我吗？不对。当他们看我的时候然后我们要分开的时候我养母是很舍不得我的。阿姨们告诉我那个女孩被看望那么多次是因为她很听话。（他们老是用这个原因，像你为什么没有被收养什么的）我那时候没有相信因为那个愿意根本就不符合道理。后来我知道我养父养母问了他们去看我好几遍了，但不知为什么，他们只让我养父养母看我一两次。
我在福利院最后一年的时候，我听有人给他的寄养父母打了电话。阿姨们告诉我们福利院的电话不能打外线的。(除非你摁9）
我给我寄养家庭和刘雨晴打了几个电话。然后有一天有一个在办公室的阿姨告诉我我养母告诉了他们我给他们打了电话，我告诉了他们事实然后他们说我不能再打了。我那时候不高兴。第一，为什么我养母告诉了他们？第二，为什么我不能给我寄养父母打电话？我又不是石头，我是有感受的！对我来说，他们是在偷走我的家！然后我继续想，为什么我寄养家庭把我送到福利院？我那时候知道我是个孤儿，但同时我又觉得我寄养家庭是我的亲生家庭。这个对你们和我都很糊里糊涂的！
后来我知道我养母没有告诉福利院我给他们打了电话。那个阿姨骗我这样我能说实话，这实在是太不公平了！他们怎么能这样做呀！在福利院，很多阿姨说谎，我讨厌她们说谎，而且她们从来都没有为了这个道过歉！但小孩说谎的时候，她们就告诉小孩子们说谎是不好的。这也太不公平了吧！我后来也知道我寄养父母不是我的亲生父母，他们把我送到福利院是因为他们想让我上个好学校然后或许被收养。
在福利院里，人们说好多关于收养的事儿。我只在听到孩子们被收养了或是他们要被收养的时候才想到想有家。我知道当你14岁的时候，你就不能被收养了。当我12岁左右，我不敢想象在中国外面跟一个家庭生活。当我听到孩子去美国的时候，我就想为什么没有一个孩子呆在中国？有一次我听说我的一个朋友被一个中国家庭收养而且住在另一个中国的部分。那时我就希望我的未来是被一个中国家庭收养而且呆在中国。当然了，这个根本就没有发生。但我是真的很希望中国人会收养中国小孩的！那就太好了！
有时候我在中国想：“如果我没有被收养而且呆在中国又有什么大不了的？我的生活又不是那么坏。”
在2011年，11月29日，阿姨们告诉我我有家庭了。我那时候很高兴，但说实话，我也不知道为什么我那么高兴。我只知道我很高兴。你们从来有没有这个感受呀？我从那天到我见到我父母之前都很高兴。当我见到我父母的时候，我就变安静了。当我们要走的时候我留了几滴眼泪。然后我们去了将阿姨和叔叔的家里。他们的工作是欢迎外国人然后让他们了解了解北京。当他们商量我们在北京这几天应该做什么，我主要就是想看我知道的人。他们同意了而且结果我看望了我小学大约一小时。然后我去了刘雨晴的家里。那天是我和我父母在中国做好的一天。
我跟我父母的第二天是我签字同不同意他们当我的父母。我说我同意因为我知道如果我不同意的话，阿姨肯定会骂我骂道我会后悔后悔到一生。我是怎么知道的？有二个孩子被收养了但他们拒绝了。有一个孩子后悔了阿姨们跟他们提了这件事好几次。
当我来到了美国，我很想中国而且家里没有什么事儿可以做的。我浪费了好多时间。我打了好多电话。中国人好多次都告诉我我父母是爱我的而且我也要爱他们。我那是很不舒服而且很内疚。
当我妈妈收养了我从来都没有认识的Lucy，我美国同学会问我我想不想她或是我爱不爱她。我没有回答，但我很内疚。
有一次我们去了一个饭店家北京，那里有一个中国阿姨问我我是不是被收养的。我们说是的。她说我很幸运。我那时候不同意因为我是在跟两个陌生人一起住而且他们说的语言跟我不一样，但我也没说什么。
一年又一年过去了，Amy来到了我家庭。时间过去了，Amy在我融入家庭之前自己融入了家庭。看着看着，我就希望我也能有这样的快乐。所以我开始学怎么爱我家人。这是一个很长的过程！但我做到了！！！我为我父母要等我三年的时间才会回爱他们感到对不起，但后来我知道从当孤儿到有一个陌生家庭是非常难的！！你得让他们慢慢的融入家庭里。
我有跟多的感受要写，但我觉得要把所有的写到一夜博客上好像是太多了。所以请您呆在这儿！
Hey Readers! It's been a long time since I've written anything down in my blog. I got pretty busy with my school life and I don't know what to write in my blog these couple months. Right now I thought about it: I want to write about as a orphan, what do I think about family. It's a hard process and I didn't know how do I felt about it when I was an orphan most of the times.
Growing up, I lived with a foster family on the country side. I thought they were my biological parents. However, at the same time, I went to school there and I felt that my class is different than other class in the school. Somehow, I knew that most or all of my classmates are orphan, including me. My foster father sometimes joked with me saying, "If you don't well behave, then you will be sent into the orphanage." I laughed, and didn't really think about it.
When I was eight years old, I move to the orphanage and don't know why! I didn't ask any questions though. My foster mother had a hard time of letting me go. My foster father comforted my foster mother. I missed my foster parents a lot because they were really good to me. They only visit me once or twice while I was in the orphanage for 4 years. I knew a girl who was getting 16 visits in one or two years before she got adopted. I wondered why my foster parents only visit me that much. Do they not miss me? No. When they visit me, they looked like they miss me a lot and when the visit is over, my foster mother had a hard time of letting me go. The nannies told me the girl got so much visit because she was so well behaved. (They use if you well behaved for a lot of reason, like why you didn't get a family!) I didn't believe the reason anyway because it's just doesn't make any sense to me. Later I found out that my foster family asked to visit me many times, but for some reasons, they only let them visit me once or twice.
The last years of orphanages, I heard somebody made phone call to their foster family. The nannies have been told kids that the phone in the orphanage can't make phone call outside the orphanages. (not if you don't hit 9 before you dial the number)
I made couple phone calls to my foster parents and to Liu Yuqing. Then one day one of the nannies who work in office told me that my foster mother told them that I made phone calls to them, I told them to truth and they say to not to do it again. I was unhappy. First, why my foster mother told them? Second, why can't I talk to my foster parents? I am not a rock, I have feelings! To me, they were steal my family from me! Then I wondering more, why my foster family sent me to the orphanage? I knew I was an orphan, yet at the same time I thought my foster family was my biological family. That was so confusing to you and to me too!!
Later I know that my foster mother didn't tell the orphanage that I made phone call to me. That nanny lied to me so I could admit the truth, that is so unfair! How could they do that! In the orphanage, a lot of the nanny lie, I hated it when they did it, and they never said sorry about it. When it come to kids lying, they told the kids that it's not good to lie! So unfair! I also found out that my foster parents aren't my biological parents, and they sent me to the orphanage to have better education and maybe get adopted.
People talk a lot of adoption in the orphanage. I only thought about wanting a family when I hear kids adopted or when they talk about who is getting a family. I knew when you turn 14, you aged out. When I was around 12, I could't imagine of having a family and living outside of China. Sometimes when they talk about kids go to America, I wondered why none of them stay in China? One time I hear a rumor that one of my friends was adopted by a Chinese family and live in another part of China. That time I wished that my future will be a Chinese family adopt me and stay in China. Of course, it didn't happen. Though I really wish that Chinese people will adopted Chinese orphans! That will be wonderful!!
Sometimes in China I thought, "What's the big deal if I don't get adopted and stay in China? My life isn't too horrible anyway."
On November 29. 2011, the nannies told me that I have a family. I was so happy, but to be honest, I didn't quiet know what I was happy about. I just know that I was happy. Have you had that kind of feelings? I stay happy until the day when my parents got me. I got quiet. When we are leave, I drop a little bit of tears. Then we went back to a house that belong to a women whose name is Joy, and the men call Michael. They job was to welcome foreigners to their house and get them to know Beijing. When they talk about what to do while my family stay in Beijing, the main things that I thought was to see the people that I know. They agree and I ended up visiting my elementary school for about a hour or so. Then I went to LiuYuqing's house. That day was the best day when I was in China with my parents.
The second day with my parents is the day that I sign whether if I want them to be my parents or not. I said yes because I knew if I didn't said yes, the nannies probably going to scold me so bad that I am going to be regret for the rest of my life. How do I know that? There was two kids that was adopted but said no to it. One of them regret because the nannies reminded them again and again.
When I came to America, I was very homesick and there is nothing to do. I waste a lot of times. I made a lot of phone calls. People in China told me over and over again that my parents loves me and I should loves them back. I felt very uncomfortable and guilty.
When my mom adopted Lucy, who was totally stranger to me before, my American classmates will ask if I miss Lucy or loves her. I didn't answer, but I felt guilty.
Onetime we went to a restaurant call Beijing and there is a women who is Chinese and ask me if I was adopted. We told her yes. She said that I was lucky. I disagreed at that time because I was living with two strangers who speak different languages but I didn't say anything.
Year went by, Amy came to our family. Time went by, Amy started to get use to the family before me. As I watched, I wish I could have that kind of happiness too. So I started to learned how to love my family. It's a such long process! However, I did it!!! I felt sorry that my parents have to wait 3 years for me to loves them back, but I later also understood that transition from an orphan to having a family with strangers is just hard!! You just have to let them to take their own time to get adjust to the family.
I have a lot more thoughts to write down, but I think it's too long to write in one post. So please hang in there!
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