The Fourth?

 第四个孩子？

在我们弄第三个孩子的时候，妈妈又找到了一个小女孩。（哦，对了，我们给了第三孩子一个英文名子，Amy。）第四个孩子她已经有名字了，Tracy。她也是一个盲童女孩，她住在爱百福，一个视障私立寄养机构。我看看了她的一个用盲杖的视频，我挺喜欢她的。

妈妈说我们可能会把Tracy和Amy一块儿收养。我很想把她们一块儿收养，我不知道为什么。我那时候很想收养Tracy。不过，妈妈说了等我们把Amy收养完了，说不定我们就可以收养Tracy。我那时候很高兴。

我很喜欢收养小孩。

When we were doing paper work for "The Third," mom found another girl. (Oh, we had a English name for the third child, Amy.) The fourth child already had a name, Tracy. She also is a blind girl. She lives in Bethel, a private foster agency for the visually impaired. I saw a video where she used a cane. I liked her.

Mom said that we might try to adopt Tracy and Amy together. I really wanted to adopt them together. I don't why. At that time I really wanted to adopt Tracy. However, mom said that when we finish adopting Amy, then maybe we could adopt Tracy. At that time I was really happy.

I like to adopt kids very much.

7th Grade

7年级

在2013年8月底的时候，我上了七年级。那时候我是超兴奋因为我会再有我六年级的数学老师。她好像也很兴奋。

七年级的老师好像都很喜欢我。说实话，我觉得七年级是Severna Park中学最好的一个年级。每天每个人（老师和同学）都会笑。我最喜欢数学课了。数学老师老是跟我开玩笑。渐渐的我明白她是我在美国最喜欢的老师了。我的同学也挺喜欢我的。在数学课里我最高兴了因为我的数学很好而且我可以帮助其他的同学。这让我觉得我很有有用。我更能听懂老师说的话了。老师们很喜欢我上课问问题和回答问题。

八年级还没有像七年级那么简单和有趣。我现在真想再回到七年级。七年级是中学里面最好的年级了！

At the end of August 2013, I entered seventh grade. At that time I was super excited because I was going to have the same math teacher I had in sixth grade. She also seemed very excited.

My seventh grade teachers all liked me. Tell you the truth, I think seventh is the best grade in SPMS. Everyday everyone (teachers and classmates) were smiling. I liked math the best. The math teacher always joked with me. Slowly I realized she was my favorite teacher in America. My classmates liked me too. In math class I was most happy because I am very good at math and I can help other students. That made me think I'm a useful person. I understood more of what the teachers were teaching than in sixth grade. The teachers liked it when I answer and ask questions in class.

Eight grade hasn't been as easy or as fun as seventh grade. Now I really want to go back to seventh grade. Seventh grade is the best part of middle school.

The Third

第三个孩子

在2013年的夏天我妈妈找到了另一个我们要收养的孩子。我们看了一个她唱歌的视频。然后妈妈问我我觉得她怎么样。我的回答是“我不知道。”我那时候在想：“我们只看一个视频而已。如果你想知道一个人，你得跟他们至少花一天时间说话吧。”但是，这并不说明我不想让妈妈收养孩子。她会成为我们家庭的一个人员。我很高兴妈妈还能愿意继续收养其他的孩子。

在那个夏天，我们录了几个我们的声音然后我给她翻译了一下。那时候我们是在计划妈妈和我回去中国接她因为我可以帮助他们翻译。

那时候我就想了想，既然她看不见的话，那她怎么洗澡呀？我在福利院认识了一个盲人（一个很可爱的盲童女孩），但是我并没有看过她是怎么做个人任务。妈妈说：“跟其他人一样。”但是，我就是想不到她怎么洗澡。想到这儿，我觉得我是有一点点小看了她。但是，在我认识她之前，我学了一点点关于盲人的东西。当我学了关于盲人的东西之后，我就没有担心她怎么做东西了。

她会是我们家的第六个孩子，但是因为我三个大哥哥姐姐没有住家里了，所以我就叫她“第三孩子”。她是一个盲人而且比我小一岁。我那时候很兴奋跟妈妈一块去中国。

In the summer of 2013 my mom found another child that we were going to adopt. We watched a video of her singing a song. Then mom asked what I thought of her. I answered "I don't know." I was thinking "We only watched a video. If you want to know a person, you have to spend at least a day visiting them." However, that doesn't mean that I didn't want mom to adopt her. She was going to be part of my family. I was so happy that mom could still want to adopt other children.

That summer we did a recording of our voices and I translated for her. At that time we were planing that mom and I would go to get her because I could help translate.

At that time I thought, If she can't see, how can she shower? I had known one blind person when I was in the orphanage (a very cute blind girl), but I never saw how she did personal tasks. Mom said "just like everybody else." However, I just couldn't image how she would shower. Think about that, I think I was a little underestimating her. However, before I met her, I learned a little about the blind. After I learned about the blind, I didn't worry about how she would do things anymore.

She is now the sixth child in our family, but since my older three siblings are not living at our house anymore, I just call her "The Third." She is blind and a year younger than me. I was very excited to go with mom to China.

Am I Lucky?

我真的幸运吗？

当我被收养的时候，有些人说我很幸运因为我美国父母收养了我。我想了想，我真的幸运吗？如果我没有被收养的话，那又怎么样？我的生活又不是不会变的特别不好。我只是住在另一个地方而已。我那时候觉得我在这儿和在中国的生活没什么两样。所以我根本就不知道他们为什么说我很幸运。况且那时候我被收养的时候并没有很多的选择。

现在我又想了想，或许他们说的对吧。或许我的生活会更好吧。我觉得我应该感激感激。如果我没有被收养的话，我也不会走到这个程度吧。

我现在也不知道我倒是幸不幸运。我觉得“幸运”好像不是在这种情况，因为那里有好多的孤儿被收养了，难道每一个人都是幸运吗？

现在我又想了想，那里也都好多好多的孤儿没有被收养。或是我是幸运中的幸运吧。况且现在我也可以跟那么多的老师阿姨联系，我觉得现在我是一个很幸运的孩子。在中国有那么多的大人喜欢我，在美国每个人也喜欢我，我觉得我真的是幸运中的幸运。在中国有很少很少的孤儿能够读书，而且有非常非常少的孤儿学生去正常学校上学，甚至更少的孤儿的学校里他们的福利院又很近，我真应该感谢感谢上苍了。

我很高兴我有一个很好的人生。

When I was adopted, some people said I'm very lucky because my American parents adopted me. I thought about it, am I really lucky? If I didn't get adopted, what would happen then? It's not like my life would become really bad. So I just didn't understand why they said I'm so lucky. Besides at that time I didn't have a lot of choice when I was adopted.

Now that I thought about it, maybe they were right. Maybe my life would be better. I think I should be thankful. If I hadn't been adopted, then I would not be where I am today.

Now even I don't know if I was lucky or not. I think "lucky" maybe isn't the right word in this situation, because there are many orphans who got adopted, does that mean that everyone of them was lucky?

Now that I thought about it, there were also many more orphans who didn't get adopted. Maybe I was lucky's lucky (a Chinese phrase that means super lucky). Besides, now I also can keep in touch with many teachers and nannies. I think now I am a very lucky child. In China there are many people who like me, in America everybody likes me. I think I am lucky's lucky. In China there are very few orphans who can get an education, and there are very very few orphans who can go to regular school, even fewer whose school is close to their orphanage. I really should thank the Lord.

I am so happy that I have a very good life.  

Why They Abandon Me

为什么他们抛弃我了

当我在北京第一儿童福利院，有时候那些阿姨会跟我们说：“你应该怪你父母，你们父母那么狠心把你都抛弃了。”那时候我就想：“你怎么知道？你又没在那儿！或许他们有一场意外然后去世了。或许有一个人把我从我的父母偷走了然后抛弃了我而且我父母从来就没有找到我。你不能就随随便便的怪被人或生别人的气而且又没有证据！”

他们经常会说话。我养母也会说这个。但是，我不觉得怪我的父母是对的。所以我从来就没有认为这是我父母的错。

当我来到了美国，我告诉了妈妈这件事儿。我学到了很多的孤儿在中国有残疾。妈妈说有的父母抛弃孩子是因为他们有残疾而且不觉得他们会在将来当有一个有用的人。那时候我很不高兴。他们是在小看人而且我讨厌被人小看残疾人。我的意思是，我有脑瘫而且脑瘫可以是很重或是很轻。他们没有看见，他们怎么知道我会成为一个没用的人呀。我不喜欢当别人在没试试或看看之前就弄出了理论，而且又不是对的。

有时候我想，（但不是那么经常或那么长）就连我的亲生父母不要我了。那么还有谁会喜欢我呀。我在这世界还有什么用。但是，后来我就不怎么在乎了。我不知道为什么。

现在，我没有说别人抛弃他们的孩子是对的。我会一直认为抛弃还是是错的。不管为什么。

When I was in the Beijing Children Orphanage #1, sometimes the nannies would say to us, "You should blame your parents. Your parents are so heartless that they abandoned you guys." At that time I thought: "How do you know? You weren't there! Maybe they had accident and pass away. Maybe somebody stole me from my parents and later abandon me and my parents never found me. You can't just blame and get mad at a person for no reason and without any evidence!"

They often would say that. My foster mother said that too. However, I don't think it's right to blame my parents. So I never think it was my parent's fault.

When I came to America, I told mom about this event. I learned that many orphans have disabilities. Mom said that some of the parents abandon children because they have disability and don't think they can be successful in life. At that time I was not happy. They are underestimate people and I hate when people underestimate the people with disability. I mean, I have CP and CP could be very significant or could be mild. They didn't see it, how they know that I was going to be a useless person. I don't like when people don't see or don't try first and they make statements that aren't true. 

Sometimes I thought, (but not very often or very long) even my parent didn't want me anymore. Then who would like me. What use do I have in this world. However, later I didn't care. I don't know why. 

Now, I didn't say that it's right for people to abandon their children. I will always think that abandon children is wrong. No matter what.    

Andy

Andy

在2013年一月，那里有一个男孩从我福利院被收养了。我在上一个文章提过他。他就是那个好学生。当他被收养的时候，我为他非常高兴。

我问了问妈妈我能不能跟他在Skype上说话。妈妈说可以，但是因为他还得跟他的家人还有Jack说话。当时我就想”可恶“因为我跟他说话的时间没那么长，不过我真也不怎么会说话的，所以这也不是个什么大不了的。同时我也很羡慕他因为他有好多人想跟他说话，而且在白天的时候他可以跟他的朋友柏童峰在一起因为他们是同时被收养的。

现在他在美国已经2年了。他的英语也挺好的。他现在忘了很多中文。我觉得我应该多一点跟他说话，这样他就不会忘了那么多的中文了。他家里只有他一个人会说中文，所以长时间你当然会忘了。他不像我那样经常给中国打电话。我一直不懂为什么。难道他不想念他的中国朋友，老师和阿姨吗？

今年一月份的时候他问到丁姐姐的手机号码。我为他感到很高兴。我希望他和丁姐姐会有一个好的通话。我很高兴认识他。

In January 2013, there was one boy who adopted from my orphanage. I mentioned him in last post. He is the good students. When he was adopted, I felt very happy for him.

I asked mom if I can talk to him on Skype. Mom said yes, but because he also had to call his family and Jack. At that times I thought "Shoot" because I doesn't had much times to talked to, but I didn't how to talked to people, so that's not a big problem. At the same times I also admired him because many people wanted to talked to him, also in the daytimes he can be with his friend Bai Tongfeng because they were adopted at the same times.

Now He has been America 2 years. His English is pretty good. He now forgot many Chinese. I think I should talked him little bit more, that way he won't forgot as much Chinese. He is only one family who can speak Chinese, so long times of course you will forgot. He doesn't like me call to China very often. I always doesn't understand why. Doesn't he ever miss his China friends,  teachers and nannies?

This year in January he asked about sister Ding's phone number. I felt very happy for him. I hope he and sister Ding will have a good talk. I am so glad to met him.

How About This? Or That?

那这个呢？或那个？

在Lucy被收养了之后，我开始问妈妈去收养我福利院其他的孩子。我先问关于我的朋友。那时候，我没有几个朋友可以收养因为很多都已经被收养了而且有的都已经到年纪了。我问了妈妈马伟波，他是唯一我能想到的朋友。妈妈说不行因为她和我的关系不是特好。那时候我就想：“可恶，我应该闭上我的嘴，因为这样他们可能会收养马伟波的。

然后我就其中的一个阿姨想问我关于窦安亮。所以我告诉妈妈关于了他。我告诉了她他是一个很好的学生。他也很听话。她可能是我们福利院里面最听话的孩子。每个人都喜欢他。

然后妈妈告诉另一个‘妈妈”关于窦安亮。后来他被收养了！耶！

然后我还是问关于其他的孩子，但我问的太晚了。但是，我还是问关于我福利院其他的孩子。

我不知道为什么，但是我就是想让妈妈把所有我知道的孩子都接回家。但是，这事不会发生的。

我老是有一个欲望，我真希望每个人能救收养一个小孩，因为这样世界上就不会有孤儿了。

After Lucy was adopted, I started asking mom to adopt other kids in my orphanage. First I asked about some of my friends. At that time, I didn't have any friends to adopt because a lot of them were already adopted and some of them were already aging out. I asked mom about my friend Ma Weibo, she was the only one I could think of. Mom said no because she and I didn't get along very well. That time I thought, "shoot, I should kept my mouth shut, because then might adopt Ma Weibo."

Then I remember that one of the nannies asked to me to ask about Dou Anliang. So I told mom about him. I told her that he was a very good student. He was very well behaved too. He probably was the most well behaved kid in our orphanage. Everybody liked him.

Then mom told another "mom" about Dou Anliang. Later he was adopted. YEAH!

Then I still asked about other kids, but I asked too late. However, I still asked about another child from my orphanage.

I don't why, but I just want to mom to take the all the children that I knew and bring them home. However, that's not going to happen.

I always had a desire, I wish that everybody could just even adopted one child, because then the world won't have any orphan any more.

Ears Pierced

耳洞

在中国我在福利院或学校的时候从来都没有珠宝。Lucy在他去澳大利亚州的时候扎了一对耳洞。我那时候很像扎耳洞以为我觉得很漂亮。但是，我觉得那很疼，所以我就没有弄。

很多的美国主课女同学告诉我我应该扎耳洞。但是，我不想扎耳洞。他们经常拿这个跟我开玩笑。

然后我决定我要扎耳洞。我们去了Claire扎耳洞。那天我的父母和我两个姐姐在那儿。那倒是花了我一些时间因为我想让那两个耳洞一模一样。当我扎耳洞的时候，我很喜欢。

在周一当我去我的柜子的时候。其中的一个朋友问我：“你是不是打你的耳洞了？哦，不是，这是假耳环。”在我打耳洞的时候，我有时候穿吸铁耳环和夹子耳环。在我的看法，这两个都没比正常的二话好。那个吸铁耳环老是掉而且夹子耳环特疼。我很高兴我打了耳洞。

我给她们看了看我耳朵的后面让她们看我是真的打耳洞了而且很多的女孩来了。我觉得他们的反应和好玩。他们连我第一节课的老师都告诉了。那个老师问：“我能看你的耳环吗？”“不行”我回答。然后她就笑了笑，“即使你的头发是盘起来的？”然后我们就笑了。

In China I didn't wear any jewelry in school or at the orphanage. Lucy had her ears pierced when she went to Australia.  I wanted to get my ears pierced too because I think it's very pretty. However, I thought it's ouch, so I didn't get.

Many of my America core classmate who are girls told me that I should get my ears pierced. However, I didn't wanted to get my ears pierce. They often joke with me about that.

Then I decided that I'm going to get them pierced when I still in sixth grade. We went to Claire's for it. That day my parents and my two sisters were there. It took a while because I wanted to be sure the holes were exactly the same. I liked when I got ears pierced.  

On Monday when I got to locker. One of my friends asked me, "Did you get your ears pierced? Oh, no those are fake earrings." Before I got my ears pierced, I sometime wore magnetic earrings and clip earring. In my opinion, none of them are better than the regular earring. The magnetic earrings always fell off and the clip earrings hurt. I am glad that I got my ears pierced.

Anyway, I showed them the back of my ears to prove they were pierced and many girls came to me. I think that it was funny how they acted. They even told my first period teacher. The teacher asked, "May I see your earrings?" "No" I answered. Then she laugh little bit, "Even when your hair is up?" Then we laughed.

Welcome to School!

欢迎来到学校

在2013年一月，Lucy开始去上一整天的学校了。我们课上都很欢迎她。我们在我英语老师的教室里吃饭，而不是在食堂。我们一般都是跟对方说中文。

在语言方面，Luc那时候还是在学英语呢。所以大多数时间我都是给她翻译的。我记得Lucy的第一天学校在英语课上，我们在读小说而且那里有两组。我们组是在教室的外面读，那里只有几个人然后我们再复习一下故事。Lucy在另一方面听不懂，所以她就问了。那个特殊教育老师和那个助手老师开始试着给她解释，然后我就开始给她翻译。那些老师就说：“哦，这倒是挺简单的。”我觉得这那个好玩的。

除了数学，其他的课程我和Lucy都是在一起的，这倒是挺简单的因为我可以在她不懂的时候给她翻译。但是，后来妈妈创造了一个规则说我们不能在课上跟对方说中文了。我倒是没关系的。但是，当我帮Lucy解释东西的时候，不说中文是很难的因为给一个刚刚学英文人翻译比解释的要简单得多得多。

Lucy在学校挺出名的因为我们是姐妹。他好像跟大家相处得很好而且也在学校很高兴。每个人在Lucy来学校的时候都特别的欢迎她。我很高兴能当她的翻译。

In January 2013, Lucy started going to school full day. Our classes were welcoming. We ate lunch in my Language Art teacher's room instead of in the cafeteria. We usually talked to each other in Chinese.

On the language part, Lucy was still learning English. So most of the time I translated for her. I remember Lucy's first day of school in Language Art, we were reading a novel and there were two groups. Our group read outside the classroom, there were only few of us and we were reviewing the story. So we talked. Lucy, on the other hand didn't understand, so she asked. The special education teacher and the aides started trying to explain, then I started translating for her. The teachers were like, oh, that's easy. I think that was very funny.

Lucy and I had same classes together except math, which was easy because I could translate to her whenever she didn't understand what they said. However, later mom made rule for us that we can't speak Chinese to each other in class anymore. I was okay with that. However, when I explained things to Lucy, it's hard to not say it in Chinese because translating is much easier than explain to a person who knew little of that language.

Lucy is popular in school too because we are sisters. She seemed to got along with everybody well and was happy in school. Everybody was welcoming to Lucy when she came to school. I had fun being a translator for her.

Welcome Home

欢迎回家

在2012年12月6日，Lucy来到了美国。那天是星期四。我爸爸和我在晚上8或9点的时候去机场接Lucy和妈妈。那是挺有趣的。那晚我们在车上的时候，Lucy和我轮流玩游戏。我觉得她是一个很好的人。我觉得我们能相处得很好。

当我们回到家。当那些狗来到他那儿的时候她有一点点害怕。我告诉了她我有过同样的事情而且那些狗不会咬她的。她好像不再害怕了，那倒是挺好的。我好像记得我跟她解释了我们洗漱的地方。然后我们去上床了。

第二天，我英语老师是很兴奋听我们的旅程。我们商量了什么时候Lucy去Severna Park中学，而且当她去Severna Park中学上学，她可以在我英语老师的教室吃饭。我说行。他们很喜欢而且已经等不了她去Severna Park中学上学。

On December 6, 2012. Lucy came to America. That was a Thursday. My dad and me went to airport at 8 or 9 o'clock at night to picked up Lucy and mom. It was very interesting. That night when we in the car, Lucy and me took turn to play games. She was very nice person, I thought. I thought we would get along with each other.

When we came home. She was a little bit afraid of the dogs when they came to her. I told her that I had same experience and the dogs would not bite her. She seems not afraid anymore, which was very good. I thought I explain where we brush our teeth and clean our body. Then we went to bed.

The second day, my English teacher was so excited to hear about our journey. We were talked about when Lucy would go to SPMS, and when she coming to SPMS, she could eat lunch in my English teacher's room. I said yes. They like it and they can't wait her to come to SPMS.

Mom Is In China

妈妈在中国

在2012年的十一月地3。妈妈去了中国去接Lucy！那个消息在学校传的很快，不过只是我的组老师知道。

妈妈是在十一月26日。下一天或是什么的，妈妈给我六年级的英语老师发了一个她和Lucy的照片。那个英语老师发那个照片给那些学生看了然后我告诉他们关于Lucy。他们倒是挺兴奋的。我也很高兴的。

在早上和晚上，我和爸爸会把Skype然后打他们。在我继续的时候，我跟你解释解释旅程的计划。在Lucy的旅程只有妈妈去中国因为那很贵。况且Lucy在她住在寄养家庭的时候知道一些英语。所以，这语言上面不是一个问题。

我跟Lucy在Skype聊的挺有趣的。

At the end of November of 2012. Mom went to China to get Lucy! The news spread fast in school, well only my team teacher knew.

Mom met Lucy on November 26. Day after or something around there. Mom sent the picture of she and Lucy to my sixth grade English teacher. The English teacher show it to the classmate and I told them little bit about Lucy. They were pretty excited. I was very happy too.

At night and in the morning, me and dad would pull up Skype and call them. Before I go any farther, I'm going to explain the travel plan. For Lucy's trip only mom went to China because it was too expensive. Plus Lucy knew some of English when she lived with her foster family. So, the language isn't a problem.

I had fun talking with Lucy on Skype.

Talked Lucy For the First Time

跟Lucy第一次说话

我们能在跟Lucy见面之前跟她说话！这真好呀。我们是在Skype里跟她说话的。她寄养妈妈那时候站在哪儿给她翻译。她的中文让我印象深刻因为她是美国人而且她有一点点家乡话。

Lucy有一点问题懂我们说的话。我跟她说一些中文。但她还是不懂我说的话。我不知道为什么。在我看来，她也不怎么说话。一般都是我们说话然后她就听我们说话。但是，我很高兴跟她说话。

然后我们挂了因为他得去练跆拳道。她是绿带的而且他做的挺好的。

We were able to talked Lucy before we even met her! That is so nice. We talked her through Skype. Her foster mother was standing there to translate for her. I was really impressed how much Chinese her foster mom know because she is American and she has some of English accent.

Lucy had some trouble understand us. I speak some Chinese to her, but she still had hard to understand. I didn't knew why. She doesn't talked a lot from what I saw. Usually is we did the talking and she just listen. However, I was glad to talked to her.

Then we hung up because she had to go to Taekwondo. She was a green belt and she was doing great.

Do You Know What Is Love?

你知道什么是爱吗？

很多我六年级的同学，不过只是那些女孩问我：“你爱你的姐姐吗？”因为他们知道我会有一个姐姐。他们问了这个问题几次了。每次他们问这个问题的时候我都感到不怎么舒服。我的回答是：“我不知道”。然后他们问我如果我知道什么是爱。我说不知道。那儿有了一个女孩就说“我的天呀”因为我不知道什么是爱。那时候我很心里很难受。我觉得我很笨因为爱是一个很简单的东西知道而且所有人都知道什么是爱，只有我不知道。我不喜欢别人问我这个问题。

在中国从来没有人对我说过“我爱你”。只不过又一次当我们说关于爱的手语然后千惠姐姐对我说“爱你”，但我觉得她在开玩笑。我并没有真的想过这个。

当我家长收养了我，我妈妈每晚都说“我爱你”。我并没有注意过。然后我中国最喜欢的老师告诉我“我永远爱你”然后这让我感到很吃惊因为从来都没有人跟我说过这三个字。我想了想，什么是爱？你怎么知道如果你爱一个人或一个人爱你？爱和喜欢的感觉有什么不一样？我从来都没有得到答案。我不知道如果我从来爱过或爱上一个人。即使现在，我还是不知道。我为那些特别爱我的人感到很不好因为我没有给他们同样的爱。

我觉得我不值得被人给我的爱。我不知道他们为什么爱我因为我很不好。我不觉得我有一个爱别人的心。我觉得我不知道住在这个世界因为我不知道怎么关心别人。我真想让一个人帮助我和教我怎么做一个爱别人的任何关心别人的人。

有时候我觉得我的脑袋有毛病因为那有很多的东西我应该知道的而我却不知道。我不喜欢我。那里很多的事儿我很想知道但我从来都没得到答案。

那倒是有一个东西我知道。那就是人生是非常的复杂，复杂到你真的不能解释。

Many of my 6th grade classmates asked me "Do you love your sister?". Well, just the girls, because they knew that I was going to have new sister. They asked that couple of times. I never felt comfortable with that question.  My answer was "I don't know". Then they asked me if I know what love is, I said no. There was one girl who react "OMG" because I didn't what love is. I felt very bad at that time. I felt like I'm stupid because Love is a easy thing to know and everybody know it except me. I don't like people ask me that question.

In China never had people said "I Love You" to me. Well, there was one time when talked about what is the sign language for love and Sister Qianhui said "Love You" to me, but I think that she was just joking. I didn't really think about it.

When my parents adopted me, my mom said "I Love You" every night. I didn't really pay attention to it. Then my favorite teacher in China told me "I Love You, Forever" and it shock me because nobody had said those three words to me ever. I thought about it, What is love? How do you know if you are loving someone and how do you know if other people were loving you? What feels different between love and like? I never knew the answer. I don't know if I ever loved or loving somebody. Even now, I still don't know. I felt very bad for the people who love me very much because I don't think I gave the same amount of love to them.

I think I don't deserve the love that other people gave to me. I don't know why they love me because I am just so bad. I don't think I have a loving heart. I think that I don't deserve to live in the world because I don't know how to care about a person. I really want a person to help me or teach me how to be a loving person and caring person.

Sometime I think that my brain have problem because there are many thing that I should know but I don't know. I don't like me. There are many thing I really want to know but I never got a answer.

There is one thing I do know. That is that life is so complicate that you really can't explain.

SPMS

Severna公园中学

在2012年我去了Severna公园中学。那是一个很大的学校，但我并没有迷路。但是有时候我有一点点晚，不过现在我知道怎么快到到课堂。

第一天在Severna公园中学上课的时候，那里只有一个同学是从Jones小学来的。她特爱笑。那些孩子就像Jones小学一样，他们都对我很好。有的很好玩。我挺喜欢他们的。

那些老师也对我很好。我觉得有些老师很喜欢我。有些老师也很好玩。在学校的第二个星期我换了我的数学课因为我觉得很简单。我觉得我新的数学老师非常的喜欢我。她老是让我笑，我觉得她很好玩。我在她班里觉得很有趣。我在她班里都是很高兴的。我的英语老师也挺好玩的，她老是想让我跟她拍手然后我没有因为我觉得这很神经。其他的同学也是这跟我拍手。有时候我会跟他们玩的。

哪些课程倒是挺难的因为我的语言。科学和社会历史对我老说很难很难。我在这两个科目上很不高兴。其他的科目倒是不怎么难。

那里有一个东西让我感到一点点惊奇。好像所有人都知道我是谁而且知道我是从中国来的。我觉得我所有的老师都知道我是从中国来的而且知道我是刚刚来到美国的。她们都觉得我的因为很好而且觉得我学得很快。我不觉得我的英语成都很快。如果我的英语成都很快的话，那我就能听懂他们在课上说了什么。现在，我老是有一个很傻的问题：别人是怎么知道我是从中国来的而且我并没有住在这儿很长 ？我就是想不出来。我意思是，学校也很其他的学生是来自中国的，但他们基本上都是在美国长大的。我就是想不出来他们是怎么知道我的还有为什么我那么的有名。

去Severna公园中学是很有趣的。我很喜欢的。

In 2012 I went to Severna Park Middle School(SPMS). It is a huge school, but I didn't get lost in school. Although sometime I was little bit late, but now I know how to get class to class fast.

The first days of SPMS in class, there was only one student who I knew from Jones Elementary. She like to laugh, a lot. The kids were like the Jones Elementary, they were really nice to me. Some of them were really funny. I like them.

The teachers were really nice to me too. I think some of the teachers like me a lot. Some of the teachers are funny too. The second week of school I change my math class because I thought it was too easy. The new math teacher like me a lot, I think. She always make me laugh, I think she was funny. I had fun in her class. I was always happy in her class. My English teacher were pretty funny too, she always wanted me to gave her Hi-Five and I didn't because I thought it's crazy. Other classmates were trying to get me to Hi-Five them too. Sometime I would play with them.

The classes were pretty hard because of the language. Science and Social Studies were very hard for me. I was very frustrated with those two subjects. Other classes weren't too hard.

There is one thing that I was a little bit surprise. It seem like that everybody knew me and knew I was from China. I think all of my teachers knew I was from China and I just came to America one year ago. They all think that my English is amazing and think my learning is super fast. I don't think my English was fast. If my English was fast, then I would understand what they said in class. Right now, I always have that silly question: How does people knew that I was from China and I didn't lived there for a long times? I just can't figure out. I mean, the school have some of other students that were from China, but they mostly grew up in America. I just can't figure out how they knew that and why I'm so popular.

It was a lot of fun to go to SPMS. I really like it.

Jack

Jack

在学校开始的时候，那有一个跟我住在同一个福利院的男孩被一个美国家庭收养了。他的英文名字叫Jack。我妈妈知道他妈妈而且告诉她我是他的朋友。所以当他被收养的时候，我们在Skype里说话。Skype跟中国的QQ一样，可以上网聊天和视频。

我们喜欢跟对方说中文。但是，现在他不怎么说那么多的中文了。所以我跟他说中国然后他跟我说英文。那倒是挺独一无二的。

当他刚刚来到美国，我们经常跟对方说话因为他很孤独。现在因为我们都很忙，我们不怎么跟对方说话了。我喜欢跟他在Skype说话。我们有一个很好的时间。

About when school started, when I was going to middle school, there was one boy who lived at the same orphanage and was adopted by an America family. His English name is Jack. My mom knew his mother and told her that I was his friend. So when he was adopted, we talked to each other on Skype.

We liked to talk each other in Chinese. However, now he doesn't speak Chinese as much as before. So I talked to him Chinese and he talked to me English. Which is kind of unique.

When he was new to America, we talked to each other very often because he was felt very lonely. Now because we are so busy, we didn't talked to each other very often. I like talk Skype with him. We had a good time.

Michigan- Fun!

密歇根-有趣

我们会在每个夏天的八月去密歇根看我妈妈的家庭。我第一次去的时候很好。

当我们到那儿的时候，那里的天气挺好的。我祖父母里沙滩很近。我老是在那里游泳。那时候我不知道怎么游泳，但我的父母试着教我。我学得很慢。有时候我妈妈会跟我在水里玩玩。我那时好挺开心的。我也划了一会儿船。那也是挺有趣的。

我的外婆喜欢玩UNO，那是一个美国游戏。我经常赢因为我不让被人有机会去攻击我。哈，我很聪明吧！我很喜欢那个游戏。我们在那个游戏有好多的笑声。

我的表弟让后她跟我玩了一些Wii，也就是一个视频游戏。我跟他也有一个很好的时间。我有两个表兄弟。一个比我小一个月，一个比我大一点儿。我们的关系到挺好的。

当我回到了家，我问了问如果我们能不能在密歇根待的时间要比四天长一点儿。他们说行。我很高兴。

第二次和第三次我们没有游泳的那么多因为天气不怎么好，但我们还是跟祖父母玩的挺好的。

We would go to Michigan every summer in early August to visit mom's side of the family. My first time to Michigan was really fun.

When we got there, the weather was really nice. My grandparents live near beach. I swam at the beach all the times. At that time I didn't know how to swim, but my parents tried to teach me. I learned very slow. Sometimes my mom would play with me in the water. I had a lot of fun. I also went kayaking. It was fun too.

My grandma likes to play UNO. I like it very much. I often won because I didn't let the other players chance to attack me. Ha, I'm so smart! I like it very much. We have a lot of laughs in the games.

My cousin came over and play wii with me. I had fun times with him too. I have two cousins. One is one month younger than me, one is little older than me. We get along with each other vey well.

When we came home, I asked if we can stay more than four days in the Michigan because I really like it. They said yes. I was very happy.

The second time and third time we didn't swam much because of the weather, but we still had a good time with my grandparents.

Get Ready For Lucy's Room

给Lucy的房间准备好

在2012年的夏天，我们决定我们要收养Lucy。这意思就是说我们给让她有一个房间。在八月的时候，我们给她建筑了一些家具。我们建筑了书架和桌柜。那倒是挺有趣的。爸爸给我看了看怎么建筑而且我挺欣赏的。我喜欢建筑东西。

当我们弄完了妈妈给Lucy买了一个被子。那时候我们不太确定她最喜欢的颜色是什么因为她老换。所以我们就买了一个五颜六色的被子。我们给妈买了一些黄色的窗帘因为妈妈说她最喜欢的颜色刚刚换成了黄色。

我们为了我们的完工挺高兴的而且我们等不及见她了。

In the summer of 2012, we decided that we were going adopted Lucy. So that meant we have to have a room for her. In August, we build some furniture for her. We made a bookshelf and a dresser. It was fun to build. Dad showed me how to do it and I enjoyed it. I like to build things.

When we finished Mom bought a blanket for Lucy. At that time we weren't sure what was her favorite color because she kept changing. So we just got a blanket with multiple color on it. We got her a yellow curtain because mom said that her favorite color just change to yellow. 

We were pretty happy with what we done and we can't wait to meet her.     

Do I really have disability?

我真的有残疾吗？

在中国，我知道我有残疾，但这个并没有影响我或是挡了我的路。所以，我就老认为：可能那些医生弄错了，可能我没有任何残疾。可能我是一个完完整整的正常人。

在中国丁姐姐老师指出我的残疾。比如她说我口齿不清楚，我走路不正常，还有当我写字的时候，我压比亚的太重了。她说的每一句话我都不相信因为在中国当我跟我朋友说话的时候，她们没有一点问题听懂我说的话。如果我走路不正常，让我就老是摔跤。丁姐姐老师小看我，所以如果她说什么关于我的事儿，我一般都不会相信的。我们是永远不会同意对方的因为我们的看法。所以我老是把我自己看成一个没有任何残疾的人。

当我上七年级的时候，我的老师老是听不懂我说的话。我很不高兴。我的天呀，难道我的口齿那么不清楚？我就不相信。

现在我在学大提琴而且我的手指姿势就是弄不对。为什么？我真的有残疾吗？但是，如果是的，我会变成很固执因为我真的不想相信这是我的残疾。或者或许这不是我残疾的问题，可能是因为我的语言或是我还是一个初级人而且我就需要时间就好了。但是，在这种情况，我不觉得我是一个很有耐心的人。

现在我老是想这件事儿。我觉得我现在更要弱和懒一些。我真希望我能像我以前在中国那样一样，那样固执。

In China, I knew I had a disability, but that really didn't affect me or get in my way. So, I always thought: maybe the doctors were wrong, maybe I don't have any disabilities. Maybe I'm totally normal person.

In China the sister Ding always point out my disability. In the orphanage, if the people were in their 20s or 30s, we call them sister or brother. If not, then we call them auntie or uncle. Also, for the old people, we call them grandma or grandpa. So, sister Ding said that my speech isn't clear, my walk isn't normal, and I push too hard when I'm writing. I didn't believe any of the things she told me because when I'm talking with my friends in China, they have no trouble to understand me. If my walking is not normal, then I would fall all the time. Sister Ding always underestimated me, so if she said something about me, I usually didn't believe it. We would never agree with each other because our views. So I always look myself as a person who doesn't have any disability. 

When I was in seventh grade, my teachers had very hard time to understand what I said. That times I was very frustrated. Come on, is my speech that bad? I can't believe it. 

Right now I'm learning cello and I just can't get the fingering right. Why? Do I really have disability? Or maybe I just didn't practiced enough and I just use my disability as excuse?

Sometimes when we do things that are really hard, I always think maybe it's part of my disability. However, then I would be stubborn because I really don't want to believe that is my disability. Or maybe it is not my disability fault, maybe because of my language or I'm beginner and it just take time. Although, I don't think I'm a very patient person in that situation.   

Right now I am always thinking about that. I feel like right now I'm more weak and lazy. I really wish that I can be like the girl I was in China. Who is really stubborn.