不应该对孤儿和有新家的孩子做的事儿
不应该对孤儿做的事儿：
1. “叫我妈妈”或“叫她妈妈”
有一次在新年的时候，我们孩子们给阿姨和福利院办公室的阿姨表演节目。我们那时候有两个院长，一男一女。那个男的院长是新的。我那时候觉得院长叔叔好像要接替院长阿姨，但我也不太清楚。我们区长李阿姨告诉我们一会等院长阿姨和院长叔叔来的时候，我们孩子们得跟他们说：“院长妈妈新年好，院长爸爸新年好！” 我那时候没听。我反而叫他们阿姨和叔叔。他们又不是我的爸爸妈妈，我为什么要叫他们爸爸妈妈？而且他们又不跟我说话，说不定他们还不认识我呢！真正的爸爸妈妈是跟你说话的也认识你的，他们会每天看你问你好。我就是觉得阿姨们根本就没有权利随随便便告诉孤儿们叫别人爸爸妈妈。阿姨们应该让孤儿自己来做主。我在福利院四年只管两个阿姨叫过妈妈。这两个阿姨我都很喜欢。一个阿姨叫我叫她的，另一个阿姨是我问她的。现在我不叫她们妈妈了因为我有了美国“真正”妈妈，况且自从我离开了我寄养家庭之后，让我叫别人妈妈倒是挺有点变扭的。
2. “你应该怪你的父母把你跟扔了，他们那么狠！”
我觉得很少的孤儿在中国知道他们的父母放弃他们的原因。是的，他们有原因生他们亲生父母的气。但是，大人的任务应该是教孩子们怎么原谅他们的亲生父母。鼓励孩子们试着想想他们亲生父母选择的原因，然后长大后试着停止父母抛弃孩子。我觉得我亲生父母抛弃我的原因是因为我有残疾。他们觉得医生得治我，不然我就没有好生活，但他们没钱。我是气他们没有残疾人能做什么事儿的信心。但是现在也是时间让我自己原谅他们。我长大会给全世界看不管你有多残疾，只要你信心，只要你努力去做而且不放弃，那你做任何你想做的事儿，只是我们做的方法跟你们不一样而已。以后我会写一个关于残疾人的事儿。
3. “怪不得你爸妈扔了你”
有时候当孤儿做了让阿姨们或其他人生气的事儿，他们就会骂他们。有的时候大人就会用这句话骂他们。这件事儿从来都没有发生在我身上。但是，孤儿一般都是在他们小婴儿的时候被抛弃的。小婴儿能做什么严重的事儿让他们值得被抛弃？一件事儿都没有！孤儿跟其他人一样，只是他们的父母放弃了他们。而且根本就不是他们的错！
不应该对最近被收养的孩子做的事儿：
1. “你可真幸运呀！”
我不知道为什么别人会对最近被收养的孩子说这个。或许他们的意思是对于孤儿来说，被收养比一生都要当孤儿要好。这个想法我倒是同意。但或许你们不知道，让孩子们放弃一切东西去跟一个陌生人生活是很难的事情。如果加上他们陌生人说不同的语言就跟难了！这是叫幸运吗？孤儿一开始就不幸运。每个孩子一开始都应该有一个美好的家的。孤儿被收养是叫她们的生活可能会更好一些，根本就不是幸运。如果你们再这样说的话，那我想让你们回答一个问题：你愿意跟他们换生活吗？
2. “你为什么不爱你家人呀？”
a. 你会立马爱你上第一次见过的大人吗？如果你的答案是是的话，那在你要放弃你的一切的时候去跟一个陌生家庭生活，你会立马爱上他们吗？如果她们说不同的语言，你会立马爱上他们吗？你的答案还是是吗？如果不是的话，那请你们就不要问一个刚有新家的孩子这个问题。新家的时间对有些孤儿是短的，有些孤儿是长的。我的意思就是有些孩子融入家庭是挺快的。有些孩子融入家庭是挺慢的。你要给他们时间。所以如果你没有看到他们给他们的父母表现得他们的爱，那请不要问这个问题。当然，有时如果你问他们为什么没有想过他们的家人或是相同的问题，那请你也不要问。当别人问我这些问题的时候，我感到不舒服，我觉得我不是好人因为我不爱我新家人。我想问有新家的孩子这些问题的人应该不是会想给他们这样的感受吧。你可以试试告诉有新家的孩子他们的父母有多爱他们，但也不要太多。这样会让他们觉得很内疚。
b. 有时候父母会在他们第一收养的孩子融入家庭的时候再收养孩子。一般在父母收养很多孩子的时候，孩子们以前不知道对方。而且一般的时候收养哪个孩子不是那个已经被收养孩子的选择，所以第一个孩子不一定会立马爱上那个要走进他家庭的孩子。在这种情况，你也不能问这个问题。
我想让你们读完的时候分享给别人，尤其是让有新家的孩子烦的事儿。这两件事儿有时候对孤儿来说是很大的压力。如果他们不没压力的话，那说不定他们会融入家庭融入得更快。
Things That Irritate Orphans:
1. "Call me mom" or "Call her mom"
In 2012 during the Lunar New Year, we the kids performed show to the nannies and the orphanage office staff. At that time we have two orphanage directors, a man and a women. The man director was new. I believed that the women director was going to be replaced by the man director, but I am not sure. Our supervisor Nanny Li told us when the orphanage directors come in, we the kids need to say, "Happy New Year director mom, Happy New Year director dad!" I didn't listen. I called them aunt and uncle instead, which in China, is the same thing as ma'am and sir in America. They weren't my mom and dad, why should I call them mom and dad? Beside they never talked to me, maybe they don't even know me! Real mom and dad talked to you and know you, they will see you everyday and ask how are you doing. I just think that the nannies don't have any right to just tell orphans to call other people mom and dad. The nannies should let the orphans decides. I lived in the orphanage four years and I only call two nannies mom. I like both of them a lot. One of the told me to call her mom, I ask the other nanny to call her mom. Now I didn't call them mom anymore because I have "real" America mom, beside ever since I left my foster family, call other people mom was just awkward to me.
2. "You should blame your parents for they abandon you, what a cruel person they are!"
I think very few orphans in China know the reasons that their parents abandon them. Yes, they have the right to be mad at their biological parents. However, adult's job should be to teach the kids how to forgive their biological parents. Encourage them to try to think the reasons that their parents abandoned them, and later try to stop parents to abandon children when they grow up. I think the reason that my biological parents abandon me is that I have a disability. They thought that I have to be fixed by doctors, or I won't have a good life, but they didn't have money. I am mad that they don't have confidence that people with disability can do stuff. Now is the time for me to forgive them. When I grow up, I will show the whole world that no matter how disable you are, if you have confidence, if you work hard and not give up, then you can do anything you want to do. Is just that the way that we do stuff might be different than yours. Later I will write a post about people with disability.
3. "No wonder that you parents abandon you."
Sometimes when the orphans did something that made the nannies or other people mad, they will scold them. Sometimes the adults will use this sentence to scold them. This had never happen to me. However, orphans usually are being abandoned when they are infants. What big mistake can an infant do to deserve to be abandoned? Not a single thing! Orphans are same as everybody else, only their parents abandon them. And is just not their fault!
Things That Shouldn't be Done to Newly Adopted Kids:
1. "You are so lucky!"
I don't know why people would say that to a newly adopted kid. Maybe they mean that for orphans, it's better for them to be adopted than to be an orphan all life long. I agree with that. However, maybe you guys don't know that tell the kids to give up all the things and to live with strangers is very hard. It will be harder if the parents speak a different language! Is that called lucky? Orphans aren't lucky to begin with. Every kid should start with a love family. Orphans being adopted are called that their life might be better, but totally not lucky. If you continue to say this, then I want you to answer me a question: Would you trade life with them?
2. "Why you don't love your family?"
a. Will you fall in love immediately with an adult that you just met? If the answer is yes, then would you love the stranger family immediately when you have to give up all everything to live with them? If they speak different language, would you love them immediately? Is your answer still yes? If is not, then please don't ask that question to a newly adopted kids. A period of new family to some orphans are short, to some are long. What I mean is that some kids get use to the family fast. Some kids get use to the family slow. You have to give them time. So if you didn't see them show their love to their parents, then please don't ask that question. Of course, if sometimes you ask them why they never miss or think about their family or similar question, then don't ask that either. When people ask me this question, I felt uncomfortable; I thought I wasn't a good person because I don't love my new family. I think the people who ask newly adopted kids these questions doesn't want them to feel that way, right? You can try to tell the newly adopted kids how much their parents love them, but not too much. Because then it was made them feel guilty.
b. Sometime parents will adopted another kid during their first adopted kid's adjustment to the family. Usually when parents adopted many kids, the kids didn't know each other before they got adopted. Beside usually it's not the kid who got adopted to choose whom should they adopted. So the adopted kids might not fell in love with the kid who is going to enter his/her family. In this situation, you can't ask those questions that I talked about either.
I want you guys to share to other people when you finished read this, especially about things that shouldn't be done to the newly adopted kids. These two things sometimes are pressure to them. If they don't have that pressure, then maybe they will get use to the family quicker.
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