When I lived in the orphanage, it seemed like a lot of nannies
didn't like their job very much. Most of the times they just talked to each
other and made us to sit in the living room to watch TV the whole day.
Sometimes when they eat, they would say to us, "If you behave, then you
could play when we finished eating." We would sit there. One hour passed,
they were talking and we were still watching TV. Sometimes a kid asked, "When we will play?" They
answered, "later." Then we would keep asking because they were still talking. Then when they was unbearable of the question, they answered, "you weren't behaving, so you can't play." How could they answered like that! They were just making
an excuse so we couldn't play! That is how they wasted my times many days when
I lived in the orphanage.
Another way to waste our time and letting them to relax was to
make us to sleep. We would go to bed at 7 and wake up at 6. Then we would take
a nap that is from 11 to 1, 2, or 3 o'clock. I wouldn't take nap when I
came there from my foster family, and the nannies would punish me harshly. One
time they made me to drink water to the point that I threw up. I shed a few tears but I didn't
regret. I wasn't tired at all, why should I go to sleep then? The nannies never
said sorry for it.
Many things the nannies should've say sorry but didn't. Many times
it's their fault but they made it looks like it's our fault. One time there was
a rumor that a person stole something. They thought it was a boy, but he said
no, and to me it looked like that he told the truth. But then Sister Zheng (if a
caregiver is under 30, we called sister or brother) forced him to say he stole it. If he doesn't admit, then he will
stand until he admits. He was persisted in for a long time, about an hour.
Later he couldn't hold it any longer, so he told Sister Zheng what she wanted
to hear. Sister Zhang then immediately criticized him for not
standing up for what he wanted to say, but what other want him to say. She asked him why he admitted that he stole things. I thought that was so unfair.
If I asked her why she did what she did at that time, she would probably say,
"I am trying to teach him that no matter what, he needs to be honest, not
said what other want him to say."
The nannies always said, "Hit is caring, scolding (more like
insults or heavy scolding) is love, and all the things we are doing is for your
goods." One time Sister Ding gave my best friend, SNN, and I the nickname
princess because we always complained about things, though on different subject.
I disliked the nickname very much but she wasn’t bothered much by it. One
reason was that from the TV shows that I watched, the princess need or let
people do everything for her. I hated the idea because I don’t need people to
do things for me. I wanted to be independent. Second reason was my complaints
were reasonable. It’s true that they underestimated me. To me that was stand up
for what you believe in, not a princess complaint. Sometimes I complained they
gave me boy's clothes, which was true. They only looked at the size when they
gave me clothes, not whether if it looks good on me or not. I always was so
bother by it when they called me that nickname and I always said, "I am
not a princess!" Then that Sister Ding would say, "see, if you don't
reply, then we won't call you anymore anyway." I was so unhappy. It is not
right to give people's nickname, why tell me to just go along with it. Now I
thought about it, that Sister Ding did this to make me be silent, not to make
noise. When I told other nannies that “Sister Ding” bullied me by gave me a
nickname, they ignore me completely.
When it comes the question whether the nanny is right or us, 99%
of the time the other nannies would support that nanny, even if they are wrong.
During one night, around 8 or 9 when we suppose to sleep, SNN, another girl,
and I were talking. We were being careful not to caught by Nanny Bai that were
working. She hated me and my best friend from when she met each of us and she
is very biased to the boys. Either of us can’t do anything that could please
her. She finally caught us talking and scold us. My best friend got mad and
said bad things about her, which is true. She did many things that we think she
was not supposed to do. I now forgot what her list were, but I added to her
list of she often used unclean word. The other girl join with us. The next day,
that girl told Nanny Bai what we said because Nanny Bai was scolding her. The
supervisor of our area (which has about 30 kids) got the news and told all the
children who got the news it’s none of their business and told SNN gently next
time don’t say such things. The next time when Nanny Bai saw us, the supervisor
wasn’t there. She scolds us and asked us harshly about when did she did the
wrong thing. We all were silent by the harsh tone. We said sorry and then left.
Not soon after that, SNN and I got in trouble with her for other things, even
on the last week of my time in the orphanage because we were playing “out of
the control.”
That night we and that girl who I mention last paragraph were
showering from Nanny Bai’s permission. That girl was in the mood of playing, so
we splash water a lot, and opps splash the water on her when she came in. She
got so mad and she told us that I was lucky to leave the orphanage soon, but
that girl and SNN aren’t as lucky. I felt bad that they won’t get out of the
trouble. Now I looked back and thought that she has no reason to be mad at us
because for one, she didn’t get a lot of water on her clothes. Second reason was
that we didn’t do on purposely. Why can’t we have fun? Why can’t we have opps?
Many nannies got frustrate with me because I liked to play and do
stuff just like the other kids would. After the accident happen in 2009, they
always limit me doing things. I would break their rule and sometimes got hurt,
but only a little bit. They always scold me saying somethings like, “you never
learn lesson. Don’t you realize that you are different from other people, that
you can’t do stuff!” True, I didn’t learn that lesson, and the reason for that
was it wasn’t true! I did accomplish things before I had accidents. I tried to
sound it wasn’t big of deal that I had accident, but they refused to listen to
me the minuet the saw I had accident and won’t accept that they are wrong.
Many times, the nannies would think themselves as perfect, because
they always said something like, "I am adult, how come you don't respect
me." Every day in the orphanage I always argued with the nannies that I
actually could do a lot of stuff, and because of that, they said, "Alice,
you are good at everything except your temper." The way I thought at that
time was that I has the best temper in the world because the people around me
had worse temper than me.
Many time I didn't look up to the nannies, I thought their heart
weren't very kind. They look like they don't like to take care us so much. If
you guys don't like, then why you became a nanny!
From that thought, I noticed somethings that the nannies don’t.
Sometime the nannies would be so lazy that they let the bossy kids to watch
over us. I never like it, why should my peer rule over me? The kids who get
that permission often got special way, like they didn’t have to sit and watch
TV, they didn’t have to sleep as much, they could complaint against the nannies
and they would listen to them. They often are just 2 or 3 years older than me.
Why they could do those special things? Through this they become more bossy and
mean, but the nannies didn’t know it, or they didn’t care. One of the them, who
was a guy, tried to abuse my friends and me. Lucky for me that the Sister Ding
called me when he tried to abuse me, but I didn’t trust her enough and was
scare that I didn’t tell her about that guy. However, he also did other not so
good things. Despite of his action, they thought he is a good kid. One time one
of the nanny told a boy, who I mentioned at the begin, that he has a kind heart
because he “agree” with her for somethings because he was tired of listening to
her. She didn’t see that. Did she know it that this boy has bullied me and
other kids ever since I met him? If the answer is yes, then why she says such
of thing? The nannies need to have sharper eyes, because many kids never get
the protection they need, and my friends and I was one of them.
As matter of fact my life is good compare to other orphans. I
lived in the capital of China, where the government could visit more often,
although the orphanage would often put a show for it and show how “good” our
orphanage is and the government didn’t check carefully. My supervisor was the
top one out of my orphanage, she watches us closer than others in the orphanage.
I couldn’t believe the fact while I was force to drank 4oz of water every half
hour to an hour during a week day that we don’t have school, a girl who has
bathroom problem in another floor almost died from a kidney problem because she
won’t drink water because the nanny won’t change her diaper, and the nannies in
that area didn’t care if she drinks water or not! I know one family who adopted
11 kids. The kids’ lives in the orphanages was worse than mine. When they
adopting one of kids, that kid only would get close to the dad because he was
so scare of the nannies. Another kid of theirs wrote a post about how her
nannies cared her:
I wanted to thank God that he gave me a good foster family the
first 8 years of my life. They gave a good example of parenting. They allow me
to do chore, sometimes I could do without their permission. They told me that I
was smart. They made me felt that I could do anything I set my mind to. They
didn’t over protect nor under watch me. If I didn't start my life with them,
then I wouldn’t notice the nannies are wrong. I wouldn’t have the courage to
stand up against them, which is one thing that I am proud of myself. I wouldn’t
have the confidence, courage, and energy to fight them when nobody stood behind
me. I am so lucky and blessed! However, 99% of orphans aren't that lucky or
blessed! Many of them don’t have the confidence, courage, or energy to fight. In
fact, Some of them probably are finding ways to end their life!
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