Do You Know What Is Love?

你知道什么是爱吗？

很多我六年级的同学，不过只是那些女孩问我：“你爱你的姐姐吗？”因为他们知道我会有一个姐姐。他们问了这个问题几次了。每次他们问这个问题的时候我都感到不怎么舒服。我的回答是：“我不知道”。然后他们问我如果我知道什么是爱。我说不知道。那儿有了一个女孩就说“我的天呀”因为我不知道什么是爱。那时候我很心里很难受。我觉得我很笨因为爱是一个很简单的东西知道而且所有人都知道什么是爱，只有我不知道。我不喜欢别人问我这个问题。

在中国从来没有人对我说过“我爱你”。只不过又一次当我们说关于爱的手语然后千惠姐姐对我说“爱你”，但我觉得她在开玩笑。我并没有真的想过这个。

当我家长收养了我，我妈妈每晚都说“我爱你”。我并没有注意过。然后我中国最喜欢的老师告诉我“我永远爱你”然后这让我感到很吃惊因为从来都没有人跟我说过这三个字。我想了想，什么是爱？你怎么知道如果你爱一个人或一个人爱你？爱和喜欢的感觉有什么不一样？我从来都没有得到答案。我不知道如果我从来爱过或爱上一个人。即使现在，我还是不知道。我为那些特别爱我的人感到很不好因为我没有给他们同样的爱。

我觉得我不值得被人给我的爱。我不知道他们为什么爱我因为我很不好。我不觉得我有一个爱别人的心。我觉得我不知道住在这个世界因为我不知道怎么关心别人。我真想让一个人帮助我和教我怎么做一个爱别人的任何关心别人的人。

有时候我觉得我的脑袋有毛病因为那有很多的东西我应该知道的而我却不知道。我不喜欢我。那里很多的事儿我很想知道但我从来都没得到答案。

那倒是有一个东西我知道。那就是人生是非常的复杂，复杂到你真的不能解释。

Many of my 6th grade classmates asked me "Do you love your sister?". Well, just the girls, because they knew that I was going to have new sister. They asked that couple of times. I never felt comfortable with that question.  My answer was "I don't know". Then they asked me if I know what love is, I said no. There was one girl who react "OMG" because I didn't what love is. I felt very bad at that time. I felt like I'm stupid because Love is a easy thing to know and everybody know it except me. I don't like people ask me that question.

In China never had people said "I Love You" to me. Well, there was one time when talked about what is the sign language for love and Sister Qianhui said "Love You" to me, but I think that she was just joking. I didn't really think about it.

When my parents adopted me, my mom said "I Love You" every night. I didn't really pay attention to it. Then my favorite teacher in China told me "I Love You, Forever" and it shock me because nobody had said those three words to me ever. I thought about it, What is love? How do you know if you are loving someone and how do you know if other people were loving you? What feels different between love and like? I never knew the answer. I don't know if I ever loved or loving somebody. Even now, I still don't know. I felt very bad for the people who love me very much because I don't think I gave the same amount of love to them.

I think I don't deserve the love that other people gave to me. I don't know why they love me because I am just so bad. I don't think I have a loving heart. I think that I don't deserve to live in the world because I don't know how to care about a person. I really want a person to help me or teach me how to be a loving person and caring person.

Sometime I think that my brain have problem because there are many thing that I should know but I don't know. I don't like me. There are many thing I really want to know but I never got a answer.

There is one thing I do know. That is that life is so complicate that you really can't explain.