当我在北京第一儿童福利院，有时候那些阿姨会跟我们说：“你应该怪你父母，你们父母那么狠心把你都抛弃了。”那时候我就想：“你怎么知道？你又没在那儿！或许他们有一场意外然后去世了。或许有一个人把我从我的父母偷走了然后抛弃了我而且我父母从来就没有找到我。你不能就随随便便的怪被人或生别人的气而且又没有证据！”
他们经常会说话。我养母也会说这个。但是，我不觉得怪我的父母是对的。所以我从来就没有认为这是我父母的错。
当我来到了美国，我告诉了妈妈这件事儿。我学到了很多的孤儿在中国有残疾。妈妈说有的父母抛弃孩子是因为他们有残疾而且不觉得他们会在将来当有一个有用的人。那时候我很不高兴。他们是在小看人而且我讨厌被人小看残疾人。我的意思是，我有脑瘫而且脑瘫可以是很重或是很轻。他们没有看见，他们怎么知道我会成为一个没用的人呀。我不喜欢当别人在没试试或看看之前就弄出了理论，而且又不是对的。
有时候我想，（但不是那么经常或那么长）就连我的亲生父母不要我了。那么还有谁会喜欢我呀。我在这世界还有什么用。但是，后来我就不怎么在乎了。我不知道为什么。
现在，我没有说别人抛弃他们的孩子是对的。我会一直认为抛弃还是是错的。不管为什么。
When I was in the Beijing Children Orphanage #1, sometimes the nannies would say to us, "You should blame your parents. Your parents are so heartless that they abandoned you guys." At that time I thought: "How do you know? You weren't there! Maybe they had accident and pass away. Maybe somebody stole me from my parents and later abandon me and my parents never found me. You can't just blame and get mad at a person for no reason and without any evidence!"
They often would say that. My foster mother said that too. However, I don't think it's right to blame my parents. So I never think it was my parent's fault.
When I came to America, I told mom about this event. I learned that many orphans have disabilities. Mom said that some of the parents abandon children because they have disability and don't think they can be successful in life. At that time I was not happy. They are underestimate people and I hate when people underestimate the people with disability. I mean, I have CP and CP could be very significant or could be mild. They didn't see it, how they know that I was going to be a useless person. I don't like when people don't see or don't try first and they make statements that aren't true.
Sometimes I thought, (but not very often or very long) even my parent didn't want me anymore. Then who would like me. What use do I have in this world. However, later I didn't care. I don't know why.
Now, I didn't say that it's right for people to abandon their children. I will always think that abandon children is wrong. No matter what.
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